Just a needed vent

[bigbear13201]

So a few weeks back, another member from here sent me a PM.

We started chatting back and forth, then we went to emails/text. A wonderful sounding person. We both have a bit in common.

A few weeks in, we were planning to go out for a day (museum, lunch, etc). I had to work, but lo and behold inclement weather forced a schedule change, so I was then available to go. He had already made plans. OK, thats fine.

We sent tons of texts and spoke on the phone briefly, on and off.

So fast forward, and we set up a new date. I asked him to go, under the premise (well, my understanding, anyway) that it was a date. He read the invite as a casual meet. I did rearrange my schedule to do this (he is off weekends, I'm normally working), which can be tricky and it is compounded by the fact that he doesn't drive. Which I don't really care about, he is about 30 minutes away. But it is something to consider.

Anyway, I've really become quite smitten with him. Since I didn't know what he really looked like, it was really interesting to connect in a way other than appearance. (we did eventually exchange pics) And then, on Thursday, I was devastated: he was asked out by someone else and considers them to be dating.

So today, I spent the better part of it driving around to clear my head. I sent his a few messages that I still want to meet him anyway (I have to give him that gushy V-Day card I wrote) and he wants to wait until he can spend a full day with me.

I'm more pissed that I fucked up the first opportunity to meet this guy, and now I'm so sorry I feel like I've lost him. I spent most of my day plying the roads of South Jersey to clear my head of the entire situation.

Just needed to vent. And praying that he does reach back out to me.

If you read this, mister, I'm sure you know who you are !

 

[Rand]

Hope that you two clear the air and become friends and support for each other. Help each other celebrate life!

Rand

 

[bigbear13201]

Well, we spent an hour on the phone. He has never actually met the "other guy", it was an online thing, so as always I guess things don't go onto paper (or text) as they would in conversation. I've been jerked around by the occasional online thing, with empty promises, no calls, etc. So there is always hope!

On the flip side, I did just ask him out for Valentines day. My first time since jr. high! I didn't get a no right away, got a maybe, and he will let me know. Better than nothing...

 

[Rand]

Best of luck - - we all need friends and supporters

do celebrate your life!

Rand

 

[bigbear13201]

Well, it looks like I'm getting shot down.

He is very concerned about upsetting the other guy who has asked him out, but they have not gone out or met.

I am really smitten and poured my heart out to him anyway. I respect his decision, but it still hurts. Unfortunately, I am now afraid I won't meet him at all.

 

[swerve]

WOW...

What an AWFUL story...

I've met MANY MANY Jubbers over the years...

And -- having said that -- some are just fickle...

They'd rather hide behind the anonymity of their computers...

Either way -- it is a GREAT community -- and everyone is appreciated regardless of their social skills...

I'm sorry to hear that things have worked out as they have -- but I can ASSURE you that if I'm EVER in SOUTHERN NJ (which I NEVER am ) I'll LET YOU KNOW!!!

 

[bigbear13201]

Thanks for the kind words, swerve.

I'm not going to contact him for a few days; I'll let him contact me if he wants. He expressed that he was confused after I spilled my guts.

Where is the smiley for a broken heart?

 

[Seasoned]

A lot of people seem to have an inherent loneliness that they may not even be aware of, but nonetheless gets soothed by someone who seems to be caring and understanding. Cyber compatibility may or may not transfer to the physical world.

There are many intangibles when it comes to meeting a potential boyfriend and that's why getting ahead of oneself can lead to emotional pain and confusion. I'm sorry you're hurting and I know this won't help right now, but one day soon you'll appreciate the fact that he was fickle now rather than 6 months into what you thought was a relationship.

 

[future_retro]

Sorry to hear of your pain - but try to remember this: you don't actually know the guy. In fact, you haven't even met. So what you're really mourning is the loss of a possibility or a potential, not a real person. The guy may not even be anything like he portrays himself online. A 20-something-year-old friend of mine, for example, ended up falling in love with a guy online who was about the same age. They carried on a 'relationship' for many months by emails, online chat and phone calls but every time they arranged to meet (they lived a few hours' drive away from each other) something always came up and got in the way. It eventually turned out that my friend's love interest was a 75-year-old man who had created a fantasy world for himself.

Obviously that's a very extreme example but it highlights the point - you can't really know someone you haven't even met. Even if you have met them, it takes a while to establish a meaningful connection. So I think you are projecting stuff onto this guy that may not even exist. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it may give you some comfort if you think of it that way.