just came out and having trouble with dating

[Caper_SA]

So just recently I came out. no problem there, everyone was pretty much fine with it, still have to let some people know though. Anyway I've been looking nto finding a guy to date. Being as i just came out i'm inexperienced and it seems like every gay/bi guy in my area have been around. i'm not just looking for a fuck and chuck type thing. But it just seems thats how every gay/bi guy in my city is. When relationshps do happen they are never happy, always cheating and fighting. Its not very encouraging. I'm not a whore and I'm not looking for a whore but thats all there seems to be around here. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. So far i've just went to some of the gay dances they have once a month but its not really my scene. too much drugs and anonymous sex. Any tips for finding a serious guy not just looking for sex?

 

[Danugh]

Any tips for finding a serious guy not just looking for sex?

LOL good luck finding that. Most gay relationships are based on sex. If you are not putting out your man will get it somewhere else. I am not sure why its all about sex but thats the reality.

Its not hopeless, but at the same time it wont be easy, dont give up, besides you just came out dont be rushing into a relationship.

Find out more about who you are as a gay man and learn to love you. You dont need a man to make you feel complete.

Its unfortunate that you just came out and the first thing you want is a man, when there is so much more to being gay.

 

[Caper_SA]

Ya it is kind of sad that the first thing i feel i need to do is start dating. I just like being in relatonships. I've been ready for a relationshp for a while now, it was just the fact I was still in the closet that was in my way. Now that i'm out I can finally start the dating process. Its just been harder than expected. Oh and I'm not against the idea of sex, I just would prefer to have sex with someone who i have a connection with, rather than a one night stand. Sex would be involved in any relationship i was in, I think sex is a great way to be closer with someone, I just won't give it up to anyone.

 

[DarkNeko]

Not all gay relationships are about sex. Every relationship is just as unique as the people in it. You'll find your Mr. Right someday

 

[Centexfarmer]

Well, first off to JUB!

It's been shared here before, that there are so many things to that "gay" guys do than fuck there brains out, do drugs, and have "fuck and chuck." (Never heard that one. )

Your profile says Sydney. I've only been to Halifax.

Having never heard of Sydney, Nova Scotia, I'm not sure what the dating scene is like.

I don't suspect that it's cosmopolitian in the least.

But there must be "gay" interest groups; literary clubs, hiking/biking clubs, resource centers looking for volunteers, all sorts of stuff.

Start there! Not only will you increase of you chances of finding someone who's not some sex-crazed-partier, you might even meet someone that "fits your bill."

Good Luck!

 

[confusedboy23]

You've got lots of great thoughts from some fantastic JUBbers here already and I don't think I have much to add, but you've said

I just would prefer to have sex with someone who i have a connection with, rather than a one night stand. Sex would be involved in any relationship i was in, I think sex is a great way to be closer with someone, I just won't give it up to anyone.

so I might just second you and say indeed, sex cannot get better any than doing it with someone you love. I think that's called making love!

 

[Steppenwolf]

Definitely don't go for the quick sex. It's not worth it, and you want your first time to be with someone you care for. Take centexfarmer's advice. If you just recently came out, it may take a while to find that somebody special you're looking for. When you do, you'll be glad you've waited.

 

[Soilwork]

Rule number one....

Ignore every single thing that NewBoy12 says.



Ok, now that the rules are taken care of... stop going to gay dances if that's not working out for you.

What do you like to do? Baseball? Skiing? Reading?

Find a gay club or team or organization that does that... join up.. meet men who have similar interests. THEN go out to dances with them for fun. not boyfriend hunting..

The boyfriend?

well, you'll probably meet him on the gay baseball team.

 

[slobone]

Yes, I agree with Soilwork again, find some interest you can share with other gay guys.

Is that Sydney Australia? If so, that's a big cosmopolitan town with a very active gay community. There ought to be organizations that bring gay men together for something other than sex.

Even if you have to stretch a point to find an interest in common, it's probably worth it. Rugby? Chess? Knitting? Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it brings you together with other guys.

And I predict, once you find an environment where you can relax and not feel pressured to hook up, you'll be feeling a different kind of pressure -- in your pants! You're almost sure to meet somebody right away who you're very attracted to.

Good luck!

 

[3nipples]

... Most gay relationships are based on sex...

That may be true for some but I don't believe it's true for most.

 

[Just_Believe18]

If you can't find gay interest groups, you can always look online at profile sites.. Its not that much better, but some of the guys on there are looking for the same thing.