The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Just came out to my Dad 48 hours ago and didn't even know it was Pride month!!

L

looker

Virgin
Joined
Oct 7, 2004
Posts
26
Reaction score
0
Points
1
So, Like the title said, I just came out!!! I have read a lot about what other peoples experiences have been, relief, weight lifted, etc. Im really not at that point yet. I hope to be.

We are working together now in business and have been having difficulty getting along. So, we really went somewhere just to talk about that but the REAL reason that there is tension is that he and my mom obsess and focus about the possibility of having a gay son. Im 35 years old now...lol I just could not take it any more. The hiding, lying, avoiding hanging out with them etc. It was just too much. I saw an interview with the soccer player Robbie Rogers...that was perfect. He summed it up...how did I ever think that I could go through life hiding this.

My dads reaction was a bit odd. he was quiet. Then said his faith in God was shaken!! WHAT? Why? That was strange. He then said, I always wondered why when you were younger you were modest in the shower and would cover yourself up...I mean we are both guys...(so he thought I was gay because of that??) Who knows. He then wanted to know if I had "acted" upon it. Trying to find out what I had done with guys which I did not answer. I told him to respect that. He asked if I was sure....Could I change, he said? I told him that if I could change that I would have long ago. Its not a choice but its just the way I was born. (not to quote Gaga) But its the truth. I tried to offer an example of if the norm was for guys to be with guys in life and he was secretly into girls, would he be able to suppress his attraction for women to be with men? He said, No, I guess it would be very difficult. I told him its the same for me. I like guys and not girls....I could marry etc. but I would feel like a fraud and I feel it would be unfair for the girl. Ive always felt that. That's why I dont date women I guess.

Anyway. Thats my story. I have talked to him since but not about this...just work stuff. Im not sure if he told my mom. I feel she already knows due to her mothers intuition and for the fact that I told her that I felt like I was gay/bi but she continues to use the word "queer" in reference to something that she finds distasteful or as a way to show dissaproval of a person..ie "he's soo queer". Im sure youve heard things like that before. But I have not talked to her either. So. Thought? and Happy Pride Month folks!
 
Congratulations on your coming out!!! Your parents have to go through an adjustment period, guilt, mourning, acceptance... but hopefully they will come around. You've had years to adjust. Try to NOT get discouraged if they don't overnight.

Mine took a VERY long time, but eventually did.
 
Thanks Borg! Its taken me a VERY long time and im still trying to get comfortable.
 
Congratulations! My advice is to just give your family time to adjust. Remember that you are a person first and because you happen to be gay it does not mean that that is the only thing that makes you special. In my experience the less you voluntarily talk about it the better people will see that just because you are a homosexual that is not all you are. Cheers, let there be love.
 
hey way to go bud!! I am in the same situation, but I haven't told my folks yet. I wish I could but I cant. I have told everyone else in my town, friends, etc. It does make it awkward when my dad brings up pretty girls, I have to act interested and then I try to quick change the subject. lol. sux. I'm a bit jealous of you. :) but congrats!!(!)
 
Jensu! Thanks! I am just trying to figure out whats next. Ive got siblings that I have not told. And my Mom for that matter. I just cant keep it all in any more. Im to the point now where, If you really have a problem with it then I dont really need someone that small minded in my life. I hope that I can find a nice guy and just start slow. I would love to stop being alone...kinda sux in that respect.
 
Congratulations! I'd have the discussion with your mom and then you'll know what they both know. Beyond that, I think it will be wise for you to address things as they come up and every time they come up. Don't let your mom's use of the word queer, for example, go unnoticed. You can't change her, but you don't need to be silent.
 
Congratulations and my situation was similar. It was followed with you're out of the family and the business, but fast forward to today and it's my business and they work for me. It was rough for a while, but we are past that. I am sure it will take a while for them to grieve the loss of their imagined future for you. Let them, it's natural to feel a loss. In the end you'll all be better for it. Now you can be genuine with each other. I believe hiding the truth hurt them more and they just didn't realize it then. Kudos to you man and keep striving. Happy pride month. Live proud, be yourself and lead by example.
PS: I am the only out gay man in my family. I know there are a few in the closet and I'm paving the way for them to come out when they are ready. Maybe you're serve as an example for the younger generation in your family. Live with pride.
 
Congrats Dude! (I didn't know it was pride month either) don't feel bad. Oh and well quite technically the term queer does mean "weird" when not referencing to gay people. I like to use that word occasionally as a substitute for weird myself. I don't know your mom though so she could really be saying "that's gay".

I know this was hard for you and I want to say that you are getting stronger through this act. Congrats!!!!i!
 
Congrats .
It is one of the most scariest things that you will do in your lifetime , the fear of losing your family does stop "many" from taking that step .
The posters above are lucky , at least i think so , i knew when i made the choice exactly what my "core" family`s reaction would be , and they did not disappoint , though i have never regretted my choice .
Though i would probably never have done it without the love and support of my friends and my man.

I hope that you find what you are looking for.....................(*8*)
 
congrats! i, too, just came out to my parents just a few days ago! ugh damn it, but i had to do it RIGHT before pride month! always off... story of my life! :croynan:

anywhoooo, congrats again! welcome to the club! :-)
 
Thanks for all of the kind words of encouragement! I really hope my stress level will be reduced. I really felt that one way that I dealt/deal with this is by drinking. When I would go to parties/dinners/ etc. I needed 3-4 drinks to kick in so I would not feel so tense. The fear of people asking me about my relationships, who Im dating (no one) or anything, my face would get red, or even worse, the thought of going to a party or social situation and blushing in front of people actually caused me just not to go!! Which is actually pretty sad. I do know that the drinking is a slippery slope that I really do not want to go down in terms of alcoholism etc. a crutch can turn into a permanent prostheses if youre not careful....
 
As others have said, give your family time to adjust. It sounds like, from your father's reaction, this was a big deal to both of them, and frightens them on some level. They need to know that you will be okay, that you aren't going to start doing anything that endangers you and that you still see things the same way you always have. Once they realize nothing has really changed and that all they have to do is let go of a preconception, they'll relax about it a bit. Do you have any siblings? Speaking to them about it might help, if they are open-minded.
 
I really wish that I had not said anything. I feel like the black sheep of the family now. My dad has not talked to me since friday. (and I am working for his company) My mom has not spoken to me in over 1.5 weeks. I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut but at some point either I would have crawled into a hole and died or I dont know what. My family is the family who DADT is made for which is sad. If my family were just one generation younger then I would have a more accepting family. My dad's reaction is such that his "faith" in God is shaken...Why? Because now he knows the truth?? It was the elephant in the room for christ sake. Whats worse is that its Fathers day and Im sure my bitch sister wont even come home to visit and she is only 2 hours away. I know that this post seems dark, but i feel like shit today. I just want to get in my car and go far away from here but unfortunately i have no fucking money and my problems would be riding in the car with me no matter where I go.
 
Your "problem" was with you whether or not you came out. You broke everyone's denial and that can be traumatic. I'm an optimist and I'm also a believer that as long as there is time there is also hope for a change in attitude. Try to remember that the only person you can control is yourself.

I hope you won't have to look elsewhere for "family," but if you do you will eventually find one. You also don't have to be passive about this. You are a 35 year old adult and deserve an adult relationship with your parents. The silent treatment is a whole separate issue and I'd try to have a healthy confrontation about that.

PFLAG (Parent and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) is available in the US either with a local chapter or online. Contact them for information and help. They'll also have plenty if literature for your parents.

If things do not change consider therapy for yourself to get help with coping.

You did the right thing and sometimes roles get reversed and children are called upon to educate their parents.

Do you have a supportive extended family, aunts, uncles or cousins?

I still congratulate you on coming out. You did the right thing.

I have a 35 year old daughter and a 30 year old son. When I signed on for parenthood I signed on for whatever it would bring. I knew that 35 years ago; I know it today.

I'd love to have 15 minutes alone with your family. They need some education.

Best wishes to you.
 
I am sending out resume's like crazy to get out from under the business. I am over educated and underemployed. companies are only hiring low level people at the moment. I am so tired of this life that I have created for myself. If you could have seen me 5 years ago you would not believe how far I have fallen from the place that I once was. I think my major depression is a huge factor in the way ive turned out. I know that the only person that can make me happy is me, but it sure would be great to have a family that was supportive and not so judgemental. I have gone from earning 200K a year to earning whatever my dad gives me for work....(not steady pay) and now im 100k in debt. need a break. personal, financial, family, work....all aspects of my life suck. no wonder people kill themselves or do drugs. I completely understand.
 
Don't allow depression to kill you. There's help for that. I understand you're at a low, but you still have motivation which is tremendous. Find at least one area in life to remain positive. Right now that seems like the job hunt. Look to today and tomorrow but no further either in the past or future.

Now's the time for realistic, but positive self talk. You have everything you need to move forward. If you need to, consider bankruptcy and make a new start.

Reach out to whomever you're able. There are a lot of good people here.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top