Just found out my bf cheated on me

[innocentbychoice]

I don't even know how to react...or what to say...i'm not even crying...i'm not even feelin that sad---i'm just shocked and hurt and i feel like a feaking idiot...i don't kno what to do.

Here's what happened...i got into his email account (i really don't need the "that's breaking his privacy" speech right now) and then saw this address of this guy...this guy i knew who he was. So I went to the history and turns out that 2 years ago my bf sent an email to him...so i opened the email and it was a zip file...i downloaded the zip file and it was pictures of the guy naked in a motel...i almost died...i started shaking...i realized my bf had taken those pics from his cell and then emailed them to the guy.

i called my bf...i begged him to sat the truth. At first he denied it...then he gave in and told me the truth...he hooked up with the guy once...and they were gonna do it some other time but my bf was busy so he couldn't go. I am so shocked and hurt---the worse part is that i can't even cry...and i want to cry to let it all out.

so i kept asking question and my bf confessed that he has talked to other guys...leading them on...that's why random guys and his ex's were always calling him...i though they were just harassing him but i always knew that if they kept calling was because he let the door open...and turns out i was right all along.

and i've found tons of weird sms and stuff...and i kinda always believed his explanations...

You know the worse part?????????????????????' he comes accross as such a nice guy, quite, down to earth, caring, a bit jealous...

it's always the quiet ones...be afraid of them...

and he was jealous cuz i watched porn!! PORN!!!!!!!!! but he had cheated on me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and he's 27 and i'm 21...and he's got trouble gettin it up...and i went through all of that for 3 years!!!!!!!!!! just for him...

of course i'm dumping him...i already threw the ring he gave me away...

i can't believe i bought all of his crap...i kinda always thought he was too good to be true.-..turns out i was right.

please listen to your head when it tells you something's wrong...chances are you're probably right.

 

[CTorontoC]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I would be destroyed if it happened to me.

Hope you have some good family/friends to get you through it. Definitely dump him, sounds a lot like a straight guy I used to be friends with who did this sort of thing to girls he was with. Just don't do what his last girlfriend (that I knew) did and start thinking there was something wrong with you. There is something wrong with people who cheat.

 

[Lefty]

should of kept the ring and sold it. sounds like it was the most valuable part of the relationship. you can and will do better, trust me, you can and will do better.

 

[payit4ward]

moving on and forgetting about him is the right thing to do he will cheat again and you deserve so much better than that. he was only jealous because in his twisted logic he was cheating so he assumed everyone else is as well.

 

[rareboy]

Yup.

The guy is a piece of shit.

Just take away all the good moments you had together. Let the rest go and get on with your life.

don't let this negatively affect getting into a relationship with someone else.

And you're right. Next time listen to your head. The big one. not the small one.

 

[NineOfClubs]

He might be scum for the sneaking around. Well, he is.

But what are you for the obsessive spying? Ick, I say!

Neither of you were ready for a relationship, it seems.

 

[KaraBulut]

Something tells me that you still haven't heard the whole truth here.

If this were a "slip-up" or an ocassional mistake, it would be one thing. But it's not- you've been involved with a guy who has a big problem and doesn't seem to be inclined to fix the problem at the moment.

The guy that you've been seeing is needy. He's like a bucket with a hole in the bottom of it and he needs constant attention from guys to refill the bucket. Until he plugs that hole and stops using other guys to fill whatever need it is that he has that causes his promiscuity, you'll never be able to trust him.

It's time to move on.

 

[innocentbychoice]

First of all thank you guys for the support. Now, to answer some things:

He might be scum for the sneaking around. Well, he is.

But what are you for the obsessive spying? Ick, I say!

Neither of you were ready for a relationship, it seems.

I spied on him like twice in the relationship...I wasn't obsessed at all. Here's what happened: Last week we had an argument so I asked for his fb password...after a while he gave it to me (I'm pretty sure he took a moment to erase anything incriminatory). I got in then out, he changed the password. Turns out it was the same password for all of his accounts and he forgot to change it in the work email. I went there last night just randomly...at first I didn't see anything suspicious; I even felt bad because I was doing that to such a nice guy. Then, after a lot of searching I found the email.

Sorry but there are times when you feel something wrong and you need to find out or you'll go crazy, that spying is needed. I don't regret it at all...His mask has been broken.

PS: The ring wasn't worth a dime. I kept the cellphone though.

 

[topinboots]

You've got two choices....open the relationship or end it.
You may not think that you want an open relationship, but you're only 21. Be honest with yourself in regards to men. Men are pigs. Can the two of you seperate sex from love?

If you stay together there are some trust issues that will need to be settled and you TWO will really have to open the lines of communication. If he's unwilling, then the relationship is going to fail eventually.

 

[topinboots]

I'm not going to get on you for the spying...I've been in the same predicament. You've had it in the back of your mind that something wasn't right. Same thing happened to me. He had me convinced I was acting irrational and even crazy. If I had read his email and discovered something was or wasn't going on, it would have been easier....instead I found a video that was left out by mistake. An e-mail would have been easier on me to find....
Either way, at least I found out that I wasn't thinking crazy thoughts...my gut feelings were true.

 

[innocentbychoice]

Something tells me that you still haven't heard the whole truth here.

Of course I haven't. I'm a 100% positive that there's a lot more to tell and, sadly, I'll probably find out from others. I told him I'd rather hear it from him but he swore there wasn't anything else.

If this were a "slip-up" or an ocassional mistake, it would be one thing. But it's not- you've been involved with a guy who has a big problem and doesn't seem to be inclined to fix the problem at the moment.

The guy that you've been seeing is needy. He's like a bucket with a hole in the bottom of it and he needs constant attention from guys to refill the bucket. Until he plugs that hole and stops using other guys to fill whatever need it is that he has that causes his promiscuity, you'll never be able to trust him.

It's time to move on.

Yep. I made my decision. And I'm telling people (even though maybe I shouldn't) but to be honest I don't give a crap what anyone thinks right now...I just want them to know that he isn't the angel he wants to be. It's not like I'm publishing it in a newspaper but if people ask I'll tell.

And yes you're totallyu right when you say he loves attention; he's very needy and insecure and I had thought the same you said here.

He also told me he has contacted a lot of men through chats, exchanging numbers and email addresses.

At first he cried and felt like shit...but now it seems he's over it. I can't believe I believed all the things he said to me. I always told him that people who are THAT jealous are the ones who do things so they imagine people do that to them as well! He always answered that it wasn't the case but that he had a traumatic past with his ex who cheated on him, and yes the ex did cheat on him but I was right all along!!!! ANd he's so scarred by what his ex did to him, yet he did the same to me!!!!!!

He also told me that he almost met someone in a business trip. He went to another city and was supposed to meet the guy (they had been talking) but my ex bf chickened out.

I'm gonna try to go out now and get some fresh air.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I'm not going to get on you for the spying...I've been in the same predicament. You've had it in the back of your mind that something wasn't right. Same thing happened to me. He had me convinced I was acting irrational and even crazy. If I had read his email and discovered something was or wasn't going on, it would have been easier....instead I found a video that was left out by mistake. An e-mail would have been easier on me to find....
Either way, at least I found out that I wasn't thinking crazy thoughts...my gut feelings were true.

Exactly!! That's horrible, when they are like YOU'RE CRAZY!! I'M NOT CHEATING and you start doubting on you...turns out you were right all along. It's the same thing his ex did to him...and the asshole complained so much about it and then did it to me. Idiot.

I heard once that everyone cheats nowadays. I'm about to believe that.

 

[innocentbychoice]

Thanks. I don't want to be all emo, but my heart hurts...I feel anxious...I just...i just can't believe this happened. He behaves like Mother Theresa...you would never think that he would cheat. He's such a freaking good actor I guess, he should win the Oscar. It's always the quiet ones, be afraid of them.

 

[KaraBulut]

Of course I haven't. I'm a 100% positive that there's a lot more to tell and, sadly, I'll probably find out from others. I told him I'd rather hear it from him but he swore there wasn't anything else.

<snip snip>

I'm gonna try to go out now and get some fresh air.

Just so it didn't get missed and because it bears repeating:

It's time to move on.

I heard once that everyone cheats nowadays. I'm about to believe that.

People are human. They make mistakes. The problem here is not that he made a mistake. The problem here is that he cheated a lot, he lied a lot and he breached the trust between you instead of being honest.

And that's a deal-breaker.

 

[innocentbychoice]

People are human. They make mistakes. The problem here is not that he made a mistake. The problem here is that he cheated a lot, he lied a lot and he breached the trust between you instead of being honest.

And that's a deal-breaker.

Exactly. If it was a "I got drunk and made out with this person" kinda thing I could forgive him. But it was planned, executed and he even took pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he contacted a lot of other men as well.

 

[racer2438]

once a cheater always a cheater, and a lieing bastard at that to add to it.

I would move on as hard as it may be, but you can never trust him again no matter what he say's.


Sorry this happen to you and hope you get through this and feel better..

 

[Puzuzzu]

0.0
oh wow.......

 

[sabot3ur]

if my man was getting sketchy calls all the time and not being trustworthy I'd spy on him all I damn well pleased! good for you for looking into it and seeing that you were not being used as a doormat, and being subject to harm.

 

[littletosay]

So sorry. Wish you the best. Just try and move on and be glad you found out now. Dude is a POS and isn't worth your time.

 

[3nipples]

Will you ever be able to trust him again?