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just had anal sex, now where do i stand?

H

harryp23

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Ok, so I've been at college for a bit now. I'm not out at present. During the first few weeks of college i got really friendly with this supposedly straight guy. We do everything together. I thought he was quite hot so I'd always flirt with him. He'd always flirt with me. People think we were a couple. Anyway one night we got slightly drunk and he stayed over. Needless to say we got together, getting off, jerking each other off and sucking. A month later, we still act like best friends in public but when we are alone together, we are always making out. Last week, we had anal sex for the first time and often now doing it once or twice a day. He's the first guy I've slept with but haha its feels so good when he does it right. we tried with condoms to start with but its both our first time so we are barebacking. I know there's risks and after my first guy I won't do it but woah there's something good and feel a guy's cum in your ass right?

Anyway we are both not out and he wants to kinda keep the relationship sexual rather than like dating. So we are basically fuck buddies. But I thinking I'm developing feelings for him. So really my question is how long should I wait till suggesting that we should date and come out. I think the problem is that he doesn't want to come out.

Haha I just thought I'd share the fact that I'm loving the fact that finally I'm getting some cock up my arse lol.
 
harryp23 said:
Ok, so I've been at college for a bit now. I'm not out at present. During the first few weeks of college i got really friendly with this supposedly straight guy. We do everything together. I thought he was quite hot so I'd always flirt with him. He'd always flirt with me. People think we were a couple. Anyway one night we got slightly drunk and he stayed over. Needless to say we got together, getting off, jerking each other off and sucking. A month later, we still act like best friends in public but when we are alone together, we are always making out. Last week, we had anal sex for the first time and often now doing it once or twice a day. He's the first guy I've slept with but haha its feels so good when he does it right. we tried with condoms to start with but its both our first time so we are barebacking. I know there's risks and after my first guy I won't do it but woah there's something good and feel a guy's cum in your ass right?

Anyway we are both not out and he wants to kinda keep the relationship sexual rather than like dating. So we are basically fuck buddies. But I thinking I'm developing feelings for him. So really my question is how long should I wait till suggesting that we should date and come out. I think the problem is that he doesn't want to come out.

Haha I just thought I'd share the fact that I'm loving the fact that finally I'm getting some cock up my arse lol.
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You can say you have feelings, but don't expect anything one way or the other.

If the feelings intensify, I would tell him, otherwise I'd probably just let things be. If you want to talk about anything you could ask if he thinks he's gay or bi or what.
 
Well, I've never been in your situation (didn't start dating/having sex until after I came out, and never dated a closeted guy), so this is based on nothing but conjecture.

BUT, maybe

If you think the problem is him not wanting to come out, maybe you should just try easing him into the emotional/dating aspects of things. You know date, but keep it quiet, or maybe even smaller steps - just being there for him when he needs it, acting like a really good friend or a brother. Then once you have him comfortable with that and he feels close/attached to you, you might have a better chance at getting him to come out with you. I don't think dropping it all on him at once would be a very good idea.

The most important thing is, if it doesn't work out, and you feel like you want more and he's not giving it to you, and won't be giving it to you any time soon, don't be afraid to go find someone who will. There's no reason with a world full of people that you can't be totally fulfilled.
 
Dating someone and coming out are two different things and they don't necessarily have to be done at the same time.

Developing feelings for him is natural, given what you're doing. What you need to know, though, is if he is developing feelings too? Or, is he able to compartmentalize to the extent that you are his sex-outlet but that's all? I hope not.

To protect yourself, you need to find a time and way to have a heart-to-heart with him. Otherwise, you're going to continue to develop these feelings, and they're going to get deeper, and if they're not shared, you're going to get hurt. Badly.

If he really is not developing feelings for you--and you believe that--then you have two choices: One is to break it off, as hard as that is to do given the pleasure you're experiencing; or, two, back off emotionally and accept the friendship/relationship on his terms: friends, with benefits, but nothing more.

Protect yourself, first and foremost. The recipe is ripe for heartache here unless you figure out what's in his head and act accordingly.

Good luck!
 
Are you happy where things are?

What do you want?
 
I would urge to talk it out and find out where he stands.
If it's something that can be developed over time, then go for it.
But if he makes it clear that you'll be nothing more than sex buddies, then as painful as it may be, you should cut it off.
Don't let yourself be used for just sex.
 
I'd be another person to tell you to stop barebacking. The alternative, if you both completely trust each other, is to make a pact that if either of you were sexual with someone else that that encounter would be with condoms and subsequent sexual activity between the two of you would be with condoms.

Personally, I think that's too complicated, so I would say something like this: "Sex with you is a dream come true. It's fun being fuck buddies, but there is a time when I'm going to want and need more. We may already be at a point where the sex we are having means something different to each of us. Because I'm gay and because I'm attracted to you, sex seems to be bringing us closer together. If this keeps up I'm going to find myself wanting you as a boyfriend. If you're not moving in that direction that's ok. I'm willing to block my romantic feelings for as long as I can, but I don't want to commit myself exclusively to you. My ultimate goal is to have a partner. Let's start using condoms now so that if either of us would find someone we'd like to have sex with we'd be able to act on it without having to to make a major announcement to one another. For now I'm willing to keep playing with condoms. I hope you understand that I don't want to paint myself into a corner when it comes to you."
 
I feel like this can either go really right or go really wrong! First thing first, are you ready to come out? I think that is the first step for anything at the moment.
 
Didn't say it before but I'm joining the people who are telling you to stop barebacking.
You don't know who else's been with and anybody else he's hooked up with, you have too.
You are exposing yourself to a great deal of risk not just from AIDS but other STDS as well.
My partner and I still get tested regularly and we've been together for five years and counting.
Barebacking with someone you've only known for a few months and is unsure of himself is playing with fire.
I would urge to not only use condoms but get yourself tested ASAP.
 
It is not uncommon to fall for the first guy with whom you have sex. I fell for the first guy to fuck me after just one incredibly great weekend. I told the guy how I felt, he rejected me and I was heartbroken. I got over it though.

I don't see the need to "come out." Why does anyone need to know you two are fucking? That is your personal business. So, if he wants to keep it quiet, I would respect his wishes.

It seems to me that you two are already dating since you are being seen in public together, you hang out together and people think you two are a couple.

I would just enjoy his companionship and the sex while it lasts the way things are now. It is too early in your relationship to start labeling things.
 
See how it plays out for a month or two. But I wouldn't deny telling him how you feel if that's what you want. To thine own self be true.
 
mbamike said:
I don't see the need to "come out." Why does anyone need to know you two are fucking? That is your personal business. So, if he wants to keep it quiet, I would respect his wishes.

It seems to me that you two are already dating since you are being seen in public together, you hang out together and people think you two are a couple.
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The coming out issue is an issue because he could be fucking this guy and yet tell his friends he is single and straight. If this were happening with a girl, at least everyone would know he was dating someone.
 
Seriously, if he's not even ready to come out, that is a whole other separate issue than the friends w/sex benefit.

These are two of the red flags that are being raised with regards to where you are in life. He might never be ready for a relationship with feelings and/or something more committed - or it just might take a lot of time for you to overcome something like this.

Have fun while you can, but at some point, you might have to "unring that bell" and turn the sex thing off if you are getting in way over your head emotionally....at which point you should talk to him about what your feelings are, and why.
 
USE A CONDOM.

He's hiding his sexual activity from everyone else around him, so how can you be sure he's not doing the same with you?

Don't mean to make you paranoid, but you should use a condom with everyone.
 
Where do you stand?

...I'm surprised you CAN. lol
 
Lol thanks for the advice. This post kinda looks shallow a bit. Just glad that I've finally found a guy not 30 years older than me off the internet as my first time. He told me today that he really likes me and the only thing stopping us from having a relationship is him coming out. I told him that if we could both do it together but he didn't want to. Oh and we are using condoms now until we both get checked out, so thanks
 
I had a similar situation with a friend of mine. I started to fall for him and then when I told him my feelings, he said he just wanted to be friends with benefits. I tried to hang out and keep in contact but he made it feel weird. I should also preface this by saying that he was the type of person that never made any plans or went out of his way to see me. Unfortunately I felt it was 100% one sided and I stopped talking to him. This was about a month ago and he had not even sent me a text since. I guess everything happens for a reason. Sadly, I moved on. I really wish we still talked on a regular basis but apparantly he was not too interested in trying to hang out and be a "good" friend.
 
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