Just had sex and feel dirty!

[sexualdemon]

Ok so basically I've been toying with the idea of meeting somebody for ages, but at the last minute would always back out. I don't know why but the moment i wank and climax the idea no longer interests me.

Anyway this afternoon a guy messaged me and i thought why not. Now normally i would have a quick wank and then dismiss the idea, backing out like normal. But i didn't. So i drove to his house and did the deed.

The strange thing is that the moment it ended and i got in my car i immediately felt disgusted with myself. This was my first time with a guy. so i went home and scrubbed myself. The strange thing was the moment he opened the door my mind seemed to switch off and it was like i was watching a tv show.

The thing i need help with is why do i feel so dirty? i mean i agreed to it and wnet through with it, so why do i feel so uncomfortable and dirty?

 

[Brtyui]

maybe in the back of your mind u didn't want it to be like this because it was your first time?

maybe u felt like u waited too long and just wanted it, but was like maybe this isnt me ?

some pple arent wired for just sex, i toy with the idea but i dont think am wired like that. it scares the shit out of me tbh.

anyways hugs, i hope ur gona be ok

 

[Halifaxboy8]

I think a large part of why you are feeling like you do is because it was an anonymous hookup with someone you don't know. There wasn't any emotional attachment there, just you and he getting off. Sometimes that's all anyone needs or wants, but I think in this case for you it ended up not being your thing.

That's ok. Its alright to experiment to see what works for you, and its great that you found that out sooner rather than later. Online hookups have their benefits for convenience, but there isn't normally the build up of developing communication and getting to know someone. Its sex, but without depth, so it can really leave you feeling hollow and unsatisfied.

Along with the issue of anonymity, not knowing the person you are hooking up with, and it being a pure "getting off" session, is how you feel about yourself after its said and done. Its kinda like your whored yourself out a bit, but without getting paid. You obviously feel guilt about it; like it lessened you as a person.

As I said previously, you are now wiser about that sort of experience. The best thing you can do is pursue relationships that don't give you such negative feelings afterward. It takes a time investment, but developing feelings and a mutual desire to engage in meaningful sex goes a long way.

 

[mbamike]

I remember the first time I hooked up with a guy. It was a random hookup with a guy I found on A4A. I remember the hesitation I had just before I called him to confirm our hookup.

The hesitation was from all the things I was taught. You have nothing to feel dirty about. Sex is a natural part of living and is meant to be enjoyed. I am glad I went through with it. I am sure you will discover just how wonder sex is once you work through all these same issues as I did.

 

[sexualdemon]

Thanks guys. I think your right. The ideal 'first time' situation would have been with someone my own age and someone i knew. Ya know the guy i know in university whos cute and wants to go slow.
Today it was just i went to his house then did the deed.

"some pple arent wired for just sex, i toy with the idea but i dont think am wired like that. it scares the shit out of me tbh." I totally get what you mean. the relationship and everything in my mind seems good, just the sex makes me squirm.

but you guys are the best on here. totally made me feel better.

 

[Willie Boy]

Maybe you feel dirty because it was meaningless. The guy was just some guy. He wasn't someone you cared about, someone you wanted to share something special with.

You need to figure out exactly what you want and it seems your inner self is telling you you want more than just instant physical gratification and base animal rutting. Try finding that one person that is special to you and make it a bonding between the two of you. Then it will be something.

To those that are interested in mere copulation and nothing more.... if that satisfies you more power to you. But don't disrespect those of us who want the whole package, the love, the romance, the commitment to each other.

 

[Brtyui]

Thanks guys. I think your right. The ideal 'first time' situation would have been with someone my own age and someone i knew. Ya know the guy i know in university whos cute and wants to go slow.
Today it was just i went to his house then did the deed.

"some pple arent wired for just sex, i toy with the idea but i dont think am wired like that. it scares the shit out of me tbh." I totally get what you mean. the relationship and everything in my mind seems good, just the sex makes me squirm.

but you guys are the best on here. totally made me feel better.

=] well am glad we could help
if u ever need to talk about stuff am here ^^

 

[sexualdemon]

You guys are the best.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Glad we could help.

 

[jmadaf]

Your are dirty, go take a shower, as far as guilt, don't let people make you feel guilty about what you like.

 

[Seasoned]

Most of us need physical, intimate contact. A lot of people seek it out in secret or random acts, against what they were taught and knowing loved one's would disapprove. Outside of masturbation this might have been your first totally secretive act. Now, the trick is to discover if this went against your own mores or someone else's. You might also be shocked that you allowed to do something that was potentially dangerous.

The key now is to sort this out and decide what fits with you and who you are. I'd advise two cautions. Someone should know what you are doing. Be cauful of mixing sex with any aspect of danger that combination can be addictive. Short of that every person ought to be able to celebrate and enjoy their sexuality. Stay safe, physically and emotionally.

 

[ladude2011]

I always felt like that each time I slept with a guy. I think I was feeling like that because I didnt (and still dont really) want to be gay. Maybe something to think about.

 

[rareboy]

^ Well maybe so.

But don't you think that it might merit some self-examination and therapeutic counselling to come to terms with the idea of being a happy homosexual?

There were a few hook-ups I had in my wilder youth where I probably felt a little used or shabby after....but there were also some great nights in the bath houses where the intention was anonymous and non-commital sex and I'd leave in the morning feeling on top of the world.

So I suspect that it was all about the hook-up just being a bit mechanical and empty of emotional attachment.

 

[nomadicman]

Yeah, don't beat yourself up about it buddy. It's a learning experience. You're not dirty for it, I can tell, you're one of the good guys.
peace