Just met a great guy, but....

[89sr11]

Hey sorry for the massively long first post. I've been reading this forums for ages but never got around to joining until now.

Anyway, I was out last saturday in the gay bar in the city I live in and I went outside to text my friend and there was this group of people nearby. So I'm texting and this girl comes over and asks me if I'm gay or not. I obviously say I am, being in a gay bar an all. Anyways, she asked on behalf of this guy who had been giving me looks all night.

So we were on the dancefloor and I approached him and asked him what his name was and just made general conversation, then I kissed him. And that was that, we couldn't stop for the rest of the night. He drove me back to my house and we made out some more, but nothing else happened, so we exchanged numbers.

So we were texting for the next few days and that and then he asked me out on a date. I was really excited, because he's gorgeous. So we went for dinner in this Italian restaurant and he had the personality to match. We've been on another couple of dates (well, not really dates, more like meeting up for drinks) since then, and it's going really well, I can see things going further.

The problem with this is when it comes to anal sex. Now, anal doesn't phase me really. By that I mean it doesn't have to be a necessary thing in the bedroom for me. I know it's a massive issue for some guys, and occasionally I'll be in the mood for anal, but a lot of the time I'd much rather give a BJ then have a cock in my ass. Now, I know I'm being presumtious, but this guy seems like the sort who doesn't like having a cock in his ass (he's tall (same height as me) and very straight-acting), and I know a couple of his ex's and they strike me as bottoms (though you can never be sure).

Now, I don't like taking it, I mean, I'd try it again but I'm nearly 100% sure that it isn't for me. So is penetrative sex as important to gay couples as it is to straight couples? In your guys' experiences? I mean, I'd quite happily be in a relationship and never have anal, even though I have enjoyed it in the past. Again, sorry for the long post, it's just I really am starting to like this guy, and I don't want the whole 'sex issue' to ruin what mate be the start of something.

Thanks for any replies

 

[Deandbn]

Hi Mister, maybe i could say a few things that may help you.

1. You dont ever have to do anything you dont want to.

2. Any sex there may be between 2 guys should be consensual (agreeable to both)

3. A relationship is about mutual love and care, and does not require the submission of one to another.

4. compromise. and find things you guys both like to do.

5. So if he is only interested in what he can get out of the relationship instead of what he can give to the relationship by demanding that you submit to his will so he can fuck your arse, i would lose him real fast.

6. Sex is a very small part of a relationship, maybe 10%, but it ahould be present.

Best of luck Mister.

 

[G-Lexington]

You seem pretty insistent that not only this guy is into anal sex, but he's a top to boot. Because, y'know, you can tell. I'd say you're off-base there. If topping a guy were that important to him, he'da had you bent over the couch twenty minutes after taking you home. That doesn't mean he doesn't like anal necessarily, and it doesn't mean he isn't a top necessarily. But it certainly doesn't sound like "if you ain't bottoming every night, I ain't interested in you".

Instead of wondering about it to the point of distraction, and asking a bunch of avatars about it, why not go straight to the source? Or, as one animated gargoyle likes to say...

Don't ask us.
Ask him.

You don't have to make it a huge deal. You don't even have to phrase it in a form of a concern. "I really like you, and I really like being with you. Because of that, I've been thinking a bit ahead of the game. I'm interested in getting more physical with you, so I've been wondering - what do you like doing?"

Lex

 

[bankside]

Hey sorry for the massively long first post. I've been reading this forums for ages but never got around to joining until now.

Anyway, I was out last saturday in the gay bar in the city I live in and I went outside to text my friend and there was this group of people nearby. So I'm texting and this girl comes over and asks me if I'm gay or not. I obviously say I am, being in a gay bar an all. Anyways, she asked on behalf of this guy who had been giving me looks all night.

So we were on the dancefloor and I approached him and asked him what his name was and just made general conversation, then I kissed him. And that was that, we couldn't stop for the rest of the night. He drove me back to my house and we made out some more, but nothing else happened, so we exchanged numbers.

So we were texting for the next few days and that and then he asked me out on a date. I was really excited, because he's gorgeous. So we went for dinner in this Italian restaurant and he had the personality to match. We've been on another couple of dates (well, not really dates, more like meeting up for drinks) since then, and it's going really well, I can see things going further.

The problem with this is when it comes to anal sex. Now, anal doesn't phase me really. By that I mean it doesn't have to be a necessary thing in the bedroom for me. I know it's a massive issue for some guys, and occasionally I'll be in the mood for anal, but a lot of the time I'd much rather give a BJ then have a cock in my ass. Now, I know I'm being presumtious, but this guy seems like the sort who doesn't like having a cock in his ass (he's tall (same height as me) and very straight-acting), and I know a couple of his ex's and they strike me as bottoms (though you can never be sure).

Now, I don't like taking it, I mean, I'd try it again but I'm nearly 100% sure that it isn't for me. So is penetrative sex as important to gay couples as it is to straight couples? In your guys' experiences? I mean, I'd quite happily be in a relationship and never have anal, even though I have enjoyed it in the past. Again, sorry for the long post, it's just I really am starting to like this guy, and I don't want the whole 'sex issue' to ruin what mate be the start of something.

Thanks for any replies

You 100% can't guess what someone will enjoy in bed based on how he looks or how his ex-boyfriends look. He may look exactly like he does, and still be your dream man in the bedroom.

On the other hand, people do break up because they don't see eye to eye about sex, and in my opinion, particularly gay people. There is still a whole bunch of societal crap around being gay, and that has an impact on what people find important in the bedroom. Anyway, regardless of why, it happens.

However, I think you can't just go and ask this. You've known this guy about a week? There is plenty of time (weeks or months) to figure this out. If you need to know immediately, it could look like either insecurity, or selfishness, as though you weren't willing to invest anything without guarantees up front. Even if he could be your dream guy in the bedroom, that could turn him off completely. I know it would me.

 

[KaraBulut]

It seems that you're putting the cart before the ass.

You'd be better off worrying about why you know so many of his exes, does he have a good job, does he have issues/addictions/drama/psychosis, etc. Those seem to be more important than whether or not he likes to have something up his ass.

If this is really an issue for you, then talk to him about it... if you're to the point where you're ready to have sex with someone, you should be at a point where you're ready to have an honest conversation about it.

 

[hotb0d]

sex isn't everything in a relationship. If you feel like he's a guy that worth your time and effort...then why don't you just have a talk with him about your anal sex concerns?

 

[ucfknight12]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months and we still haven't had anal because he isn't ready for it yet. So I wouldn't say all gay couples require anal sex... but you'll never know until you ask him

 

[nautiboyjeff]

I can't wait til you pop on here to tell us that he barely hits the bed and his legs fly up in the air.

Trade your concern for being a bottom and hope you have a dick that will satisfy his needs.

Sassy tonight!