Just seem to be missing

[boy0boy]

.. that key element in socializing with people. I just feel like so confused at how EVERYONE seems to naturally understand how to connect and get into relationships. I just don't get it, I've NEVER been in a relationship.. and that just isn't normal, as often as it is common, especially for gay people.

First, I can only think of a few instances when I could obviously tell that someone was hitting on me or interested. The first two were at gay spring break and one of them had a boyfriend and the other was drunk and just messing with me since I was "straight" back then. But I don't ever get like an opportunity to be around gay guys, and I know that EVEN IF I am.... I'm just so out of the loop that it wouldn't go anywhere. I don't hit on people myself because of my own doubts of all sorts of things, like the biggest is the fact that as much as I may want someone to be gay, you can't ever really tell without knowing. I just am so underdeveloped in making new friends and starting conversation, and I use to really consider myself an outgoing person, I think because my life has turned so inactive what with me not being in college, and at home, without a car usually or gas for the car, that I just have kinda become a recluse. I hate it because I feel suffocated with how alone I've allowed myself to become.

On the positive, I have a job now. Income. Signed up for spring classes. And last night I saw lots of gay boys at this one area of San Antonio.

 

[youngnihilist]

so you're 19 and never had a relationship. you're not alone. and who gives a fuck about what's normal? most straight people have had relationships at 19, yes. gay? far less.

 

[MrCreative]

.. that key element in socializing with people. I just feel like so confused at how EVERYONE seems to naturally understand how to connect and get into relationships. I just don't get it, I've NEVER been in a relationship.. and that just isn't normal, as often as it is common, especially for gay people.

First, I can only think of a few instances when I could obviously tell that someone was hitting on me or interested. The first two were at gay spring break and one of them had a boyfriend and the other was drunk and just messing with me since I was "straight" back then. But I don't ever get like an opportunity to be around gay guys, and I know that EVEN IF I am.... I'm just so out of the loop that it wouldn't go anywhere. I don't hit on people myself because of my own doubts of all sorts of things, like the biggest is the fact that as much as I may want someone to be gay, you can't ever really tell without knowing. I just am so underdeveloped in making new friends and starting conversation, and I use to really consider myself an outgoing person, I think because my life has turned so inactive what with me not being in college, and at home, without a car usually or gas for the car, that I just have kinda become a recluse. I hate it because I feel suffocated with how alone I've allowed myself to become.

On the positive, I have a job now. Income. Signed up for spring classes. And last night I saw lots of gay boys at this one area of San Antonio.

I feel the same way! I can sometimes tell if another guy is gay if he gets up in my grill and gets all flirty.hehe. *blush* but sometimes I really cant tell and it affects me to the point where i get scared to ask the guy his sexual preferences.

My advice to you is to get a car and drive around to all sorts of places so you can develop better social skillz. Thats how i did it.

oh, and btw, youre not alone!

<3 Sky

 

[G-Lexington]

A couple random suggestions. Don't go into social situations with any expectations other than "I'd like to meet some people". When you first meet a guy, try not to immediately think whether or not you'd like to climb into his pants - he could be straight, or partnered, or not interested in you. Just MEET him.

And meet people of all stripes. Men, women, gays, straights, singles, couples. Strike up conversations. Introduce yourself. Find that common ground and start chatting. No, not everyone you meet will be an LTR (or even a one-night stand), but he might be a good friend, or drinking buddy, or guy you can talk about Star Trek with. And most of us could always use more of those, right?

Lex

 

[halubtsi]

Dude, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I was in the same boat. For a while I didn't know girls were hitting on me, and I complained about this. It was only after I came out, I realized the girls hitting on me. I had always thought they were just really friendly.

As for the guys, the same problem occured. I didn't realize I was being hit on, or being asked on a date. Hell, even my first relationship was "accidental." I tought he just wanted to be friends...not get into my pants. Now I can tell when a guy has an initial interest in me.

But just be careful...there are guys who think that I'm interested in them because I invite them out for coffee, when in fact, I'm only doing so because we're friends or I'd like to become friends with them. So, it goes both ways. You may run into that at some point.

Socializing is a skill that needs to be practiced. I was quite a social guy when I was younger, but I lost some of those skills when I got comfortable with my group of friends. You need to constantly meet new people, whether or not you plan on keeping in contact with them is irrelevant. We all need to practice our social skills, otherwise we get rusty.

 

[boy0boy]

so you're 19 and never had a relationship. you're not alone. and who gives a fuck about what's normal? most straight people have had relationships at 19, yes. gay? far less.

yeah I know, it still sucks though. even lots of gay guys dated girls when they were in the closet, but I've never had that, so it kinda sucks

I feel the same way! I can sometimes tell if another guy is gay if he gets up in my grill and gets all flirty.hehe. *blush* but sometimes I really cant tell and it affects me to the point where i get scared to ask the guy his sexual preferences.
My advice to you is to get a car and drive around to all sorts of places so you can develop better social skillz. Thats how i did it.
oh, and btw, youre not alone!
<3 Sky

thanks shuylerrr, I think if I knew that a guy was flirting then I could do something about it, but I just guess I don't ever notice.... if it is in fact happening that is

I can't think of anything to tell you that you probably don't already know yourself. BUT...I can definitely say that there is nothing wrong with you.
There are lots of guys out there who can't catch obvious signals that they are being hit on. One day, you'll run into that guy who will MAKE you catch the signals.
On another note...I think it's kinda cute when guys are oblivious to what's being offered to them. That'll get you far...being cute, innocent, you!
As for being around more gay people. I'm in the same boat as you. Unless I'm back home hanging out with my friends, I don't see many gay peeps either. But if you use your connections, and just be confident in who you are...you'll be surprised at who you can attract.
I hate admitting this...but we always find guys when we least expect it.

Yeah I really think my problem is not catching signals. As cute as it may seem, it sure is frustrating, also I think thats why I end up being friends with so many people, they probably were being nice to begin with as flirting and I'm so oblivious that I acutally made a friend out of them.... of course thats mostly girls

A couple random suggestions. Don't go into social situations with any expectations other than "I'd like to meet some people". When you first meet a guy, try not to immediately think whether or not you'd like to climb into his pants - he could be straight, or partnered, or not interested in you. Just MEET him.
And meet people of all stripes.
Lex

While all good advice, I think my personal problem isn't objectifying dudes and wanting to lay them all... its kinda the opposite. And I love meeting all kinds of people, not only single gay males.

Dude, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I was in the same boat. For a while I didn't know girls were hitting on me, and I complained about this. It was only after I came out, I realized the girls hitting on me. I had always thought they were just really friendly

But just be careful...there are guys who think that I'm interested in them because I invite them out for coffee, when in fact, I'm only doing so because we're friends or I'd like to become friends with them. So, it goes both ways. You may run into that at some point.

Socializing is a skill that needs to be practiced. I was quite a social guy when I was younger, but I lost some of those skills when I got comfortable with my group of friends. You need to constantly meet new people, whether or not you plan on keeping in contact with them is irrelevant. We all need to practice our social skills, otherwise we get rusty.

thanks halubtsi that was good stuff. I'm sure once I get the hang of it. after I've finally had a boyfriend, or date or whatever then I'll start getting use to how it works. I totally can tell now when girls are into me, after coming out, haha!

 

[boy0boy]

*holds up a sign that reads "I'm hitting on you"*
hey, you come here often?

...

I'm john,

hey john,

now if only you were like WAY closer

 

[Invidious]

Well don't feel bad about not always noticing signs. I'm almost ten years older than you and I still miss the signs. Hell, the guy I am seeing right now spent a night checking me out at the bar and I never knew it. It was actually him finding me on a social networking site that led to us meeting up. So you are not alone in the whole oblivious thing.