Just try to be honest and pursue happiness (seeking advice)

[bananaguy808]

I'm just an average guy just recently discovered a whole new world in his life. I entered to the world , a world where is unacceptable to my family. A world where I discovered myself liked and then lead to loving a guy friend of mine. We both know each other feeling and I'm sure he is the guy I want to spend my time with. I'm planning to move in with him in couple months. My family does not know about my personal life. I'm just like any other straight acting man out there.

Today is the most shocking and one of the important day of my life. My mom and I had a talked, and she finally opened up the question "Are you gay?" Immediately for a second, I'm debating whether to lie to her or tell her the truth. Before, I open my mouth, an imagine pop in my head. An imagine where I'm holding hand with my lover walking down the street and with a smile on our face. At there and then I told her the truth about my life. Surprisingly, the new did not shock her and tear starts to drop. At that time I want to tell her what she wants to hear, but I could not lie to myself and my lover. I promised my lover that I will endure the hardship comes along the way.

At the end of the talk, my mom calmly went to work and before she went to work she told me not to think too much. I don't know how she is truly felt about the issue. Right now my mom is the only person i spoke about my life, but I don't know whether if my other family member know or they are acting. I know most every gay man went through this. I want to seek advice upon how to face this issue.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

First off, we do have a section called "coming out and relationships" that's pretty much specifically for this type of post. Not critiquing - just informing.

Second of all, glad you told your mom the truth. And thank her for taking it so well. Your mom kicks ass, and make sure you let her know that.

How do you face it? The same way you faced it with your mother. You may not have been ready for it, but you still decided to tell the truth. When you're ready for it, you'll tell them. They might not be ready to hear it, or to accept it (immediately), but that doesn't mean it isn't the right time to tell them.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

I've moved your post into the CO&R forum where I think you'll get some good advice and feedback.

 

[Eagle653]

Congratulations on coming out to your mother and welcome to JUB. I hope you find it nice here and have a good time here.

Your mother knew you were gay. Her asking you was to confirm it and to know for sure what was going on in her son's life. It was a loving thing for her to do, really, and a loving thing for you to be honest with her.

Even though she undoubtedly knew, deep down, that you were gay (mothers seem to know these things no matter how hard we try to hide it), your confirming it for her has removed any doubt and she'll need to adjust to the new reality. She's had just a few days, and you've had a lifetime. Keep the line of communication open and talk freely. That will bring the two of you closer together.

Good luck with your new boyfriend. I hope all this news is the beginning of goods for you.

 

[CtBoyWonder]

It's always easier when someone ask you if you gay. Rather then you working
up the courage to tell yourself. Nobody had ever asked me. I always had to
tell on my own. Not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm so "butch" yeah. that's
it.

 

[Lube]

I'm just like any other straight acting man out there.

My mom ... finally opened up the question "Are you gay?"

As much as we like to think we're fooling people while we're in the closet, we're usually not fooling them--as you discovered with your mom.

It's great that you told her the truth! As others have sagely pointed out here, your mom and family may need time to deal with this. They may have suspected for years, but it's a different story when the truth comes out of your own mouth.

So, relax. You haven't said anything about gay-bashing or gay-hating conservatives in your family, so I assume it's a pretty normal family that can handle this without a problem.

Even in the best situations, though, it does take a little time.

You're doing great! Just take it one day at a time. I'm sure she still loves you.

 

[bananaguy808]

Thank for all your encouragement and support. It turned out really good than I expected it would be. Yesterday my lover decided take out his courage to talk to my mom about the issue. Even through my mom did told me beforehand that she will support me in my decision. The talk had ensure my mom to support in our relationship. Part of the weight has lifted and I also realized how much my bf loves me. That had leave me a smile on my face, knowing that I'm not alone.

 

[bananaguy808]

Sorry for the previous post, when I read it again I felt it was very brief. I might lead people to think this is very easy. Therefore I want to add more detail into the previous reply.

Today is very important day of my life because I went through anxiety, joy, and anxious. I feel I could pass out any minutes now.

I was confuse through out the whole day, without knowing whether my mom will support me moving to hawaii to live. I couldn't sleep, eat, or focus on doing anything. I was completely blank, all I can do was playing bejeweled on facebook. I decide to went to sleep for an hour hoping that I will snap out of the this stage. I know that there is nothing I can do to change. I anxiously waiting for answers or a sign.

After an hour, I was still completely blank. I went on to my computer and call my bf to talk hoping this will help. At 5 am in the morning, my mom went down the basement to see me. I was really confuse and wanting to know what she want to ask. I was on the phone with my bf while I'm talking to her. Unexpectedly my bf request me if he could talk to her. I was shock because he has never met her nor knowing anything about her. I don't know if this is the right time for my bf to talk to her. I decide to hand the phone over to my mom to talk to him. Through out the whole conversation I stay beside my mom, I was anxiously waiting throughout the whole time because I was unable to hear both side of the conversation What if she scolds and he end up hating me ? What if she has a bad impression of him? What if he end up feeling guilty and sad? What if this will lead to our break up? There are too many what ifs went through my head. During the conversation my level of anxiety slowly decrease in time. In the end my anxiety was completely disappear.

I was happy because, it took alot of courage for my bf to request to talk to my mom, without knowing what the end result will be. He faced the challenge that I could not have the courage to do it. It is very difficult for a 24 year old person to talk to a person much older, especially in the Asian culture. Where the elders value a person expresses his or herself through the way ones talk. My mom could blame on the reason I was gay is because of him. My family has little knowledge about gay, and they believe it is a sickness. Up until now she hasn't say the gay word, but keep referring to the word "sickness" Up until now I still feel uncomfortable, but it is a great start. She said that she will support me moving in with him, but I don't know if she currently faking to make me happy or waiting later on figuring out a way to break us up. Either way I will thinking on the positive side, and looking forward into the future.

I'm sorry if this may sound and lead to anyone this issue is very simple. I'm really bad at expressing my thought through words.

I thank you for all your encouragement.

 

[Lube]

Keep us posted on what's happening. It sounds like your mom/family needs to deal with this a little longer than most. I'm glad your bf had the courage to talk to her.

Good luck.