Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright....

[KölnElch]

I see that I am camp and ridiculous........

my friend made a video with me yesterday. Before I could never see how I moved, at least not since my childhood holiday videos.

Okay, and now I found out I move like a total queen and it's just embarassing......
it's okay to move like that for goodlooking gay guys, but for ugly pieces of shit like me, it makes things even worth.....

the way I walk is totally weird as well.....

oh god I am so terrible

did anyone invent complete body transplantations yet?

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

Gay guys that "move camp" are only annoying if it's an affectation. If you've been doing it all your life without even noticing, then it's not an affection - it's how you are. And living how you are is the most kick-ass thing you can do.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

did anyone invent complete body transplantations yet?

No, but it would be great if they could invent self-esteem transplants.

If you don't like the fact that you're effeminate, then change it. If you don't like the way you walk, then change it.

But first begin by changing your attitude toward yourself. Never refer to yourself as "ugly pieces of shit" ever again.

People who like themselves and believe in themselves are far more cool and alright than people who don't.

 

[KölnElch]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

Self-esteem about one's body is alright when it's justified.
Nothing justifies self-esteem about my body. Noone would like it, so why should I.
I try to be objective, and I'm strict with myself. I tell the truth and don't want to call something good that isn't.

I never knew before how sick and weird it looks when I'm walking.
It's such a turn-off. As my whole physicals are a turn-off.
That must be the reason why I never get a guy. Maybe I shouldn't.
I feel responsible, to keep them away from me, to protect them from the disgust.

My friend, who lived both in Germany and USA confirmed me, that
people here in Germany much more care about the looks than over there in america. Maybe I should move.

I know that maybe there could be something about me that someone might find attractive, but who would like to be skin to skin to a naked body that's full of permanent acne that can be wet and bleeding? Hair growing in between on back, shoulders and chest cos I can't shave there cos of the acne? Noone would want to jerk off to that. Yuck.

I myself don't care much about inner values in guys. I don't need an intelligent boyfriend. And I don't care about my own intelligence, I have no use for that.

There's a next life, I gotta wait.
At least I love to live in this world, otherwise I would have gone already.
Love or sex isn't meant for me in this life.
And I've already been in psychotherapy for 6 years now.

I feel great. Just not about my body. And I think it's justified.
But why do I post this here? Would I want you to change my mind at all? I dunno.
Maybe I want you to join in in my hate about my body? I dunno.
Last time I've been to a gay club, I WISHED they would notice me and throw me out and tell me I was too ugly for the dancefloor.

I don't know why I post things like that here. Forgive me.

 

[KölnElch]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

My acne is because of medicaments that I have to take due to a chronic untreatable lifelong disease.

 

[D-Base]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

Gay guys that "move camp" are only annoying if it's an affectation. If you've been doing it all your life without even noticing, then it's not an affection - it's how you are. And living how you are is the most kick-ass thing you can do.

Lex

^^^ what he said... but also, a lot of people don't like "the way they move" when they are being filmed. Not just gay people, I've heard many str8 guys and girls saying it looks weird.

I think it has something to do with the fact that we never really get an opportunity to see ourselves from the distance, to examining our movements.

Same goes with voice, lots of people don't like their recorded voice, they say it doesn't sound at all like their voice.

 

[KölnElch]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

True, I also had a shock when I heard my voice.
Though I think voice is not that important to attract guys, but body/face is...

My female friends always tell me they have no idea why I don't get any guy.
Maybe it's true, that the reason is inside of me...
I feel like a beast looking for a beauty really. I try to see myself from outside, and everytime I do that, I hate myself, so I assume that guys must hate me.

Sometimes I hate myself just for the fact that I'm 32 and not 20.

 

[youngnihilist]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

Well you were 20 at one time - did you not take advantage of it? Also, as you're 32, you have no interest in other 32 year olds? If you're only gunning for cover model 20 year olds, that could be a problem as most of them are into similar looking guys their own age (unless you have money). Perhaps you could expand your horizons to those who are in your peer group and find more luck there, I'm sure there are many nice guys out there for you if you open your mind

 

[KölnElch]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

I had no sex life when I was 20.
Due to my chronic disease, I only had my first orgasm with 20. I was 100 times more shy than now, when I was 20. I wasn't "20" when I was 20. Now I am am.

And no, concerning guys of own age I only feel sex.
If I want a relationship, he should be at least 5 years younger.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

>>>I had no sex life when I was 20.

Ditto. But I've done fine since then.

>>>If I want a relationship, he should be at least 5 years younger.

Why?

Lex

 

[M4P]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

I always thought that I'd have a better life if I was taller, thinner, a bit better looking and had more hair/better skin. But what really attracts people to you isn't on the outside... it's the way you carry yourself. It's the confidence that you exude.

So what if you're a bit awkward? So what if I can't see your cheekbones from 300 yards? Just learn to love who you are, be proud of your imperfections and people will be attracted to your energy.

It's been my secret for years. Make it yours.

I think this is the best advice. Thanks Jasun

 

[KölnElch]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

It's me again,
I can agree with Jasun,
I know, I know, I "know" by brain, but my feelings can get weak so quickly.
I just looked online to find some guy under 30, but everyone I found attractive to me wrote "Up to 30" on his profile.... can't blame them, I was the same, and now I'm on the other side of that damn border.

I know there *are* younger guys who do look for older, even apart of the money thing, but how to find one out of 1000... anyway -

The feelings about myself (apart of age) got a bit better since I was starting this thread. Well, a lot better to be honest.

Just.... maybe I decide to stay away from guys for my whole life, now that a decision would have been done, I might be more relaxed. But my longings are too strong for doing that.

Some might tell me I should look for guys of my age or older.
Let me tell you something: You might look for women?
I do get attracted to guys of my own age, or older, but only sexually.
But I want a relationship, and I can't think of that with a guy my age or older.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

Jasun's got the righ tidea. You don't want a "relationship". You want to bag yourself a young hottie so you can feel better about yourself. That's not a relationship - at least, not a healthy one.

You get into a relationship with someone you click with. Someone you feel comfortable with. That's the only qualification. I ended up with someone who wasn't at all my "type", but it's not like I settled or anything. I met him, got to know him, clicked with him, and fell in love. And although he's not my "type", he's the one I'm most attracted to now. I'd rather share my bed with him than anyone who is my "type", any day of the week.

Lex

 

[KölnElch]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

However....
yes I am pissed off that I had no youth, and yes, I want to recapture it, and if I can't, I better stay in bed. I can't jump from point A to point H, I have to go through B-G, if you get what I mean. I have to live 20-30. I was in a kind of coma.

What should I do with a guy who is in the middle of his job career? My didn't start yet. What should I do with a guy who is working all the time while I don't?
What should I do with a guy who had dozens and hundreds and thousands of men while I had none? What should I do with a guy who's driving a car and I'm not?
What should I do with a guy who is independent and standing on own feet for years already, while I am still
a child of my parents?
See what I mean. Same agers or olders will always look down on me (as would younger ones as well), at least I always would think they do.
At the same time, my love-heart doesn't open for same-agers/olders, only my pants.

OK, if I don't get the chance to live what I wanted to live in my 20s, Future has no hope for me.
There'll be a next life. I am not ready for standing in the kitchen and cooking for a guy who's coming home from work in the evenings and that stuff.
Sexually-socially seen, I'm not even a beginner yet, for fuck's sake. Teenagers are more experienced than me.

BTW, my therapy was very successful. It helped on 9 out of 10 points. Point 10 is the issue of this thread. It's the last thing that's still not "cured".

 

[KölnElch]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

OK now that gives me hope.

I joined this group in my town for gays around 30 recently. None among them really attracts me, but it might help me to meet friends, or other guys.

Just... sometimes I feel like an alien, you know.. :-/

Everyone in my age had real guys ( ! ),
and I just live with guys on pics only. (but I just decided to get rid of 19.500 pics and keep 500 ones that I love. <---- My sex life )
I just feel it's time to leave my fantasies alone and watch out for guys of flesh and blood instead of pixels (I know they are real, but not on my PC).

I still hesitate if I should go out tonight. I heard that one doesn't find guys in a bar unless for quick sex... not that I condemn quick sex, but I'm not made for that.

However.... thanks, I'm better now, though I know I'll get back to that mood some day.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

>>>I just feel it's time to leave my fantasies alone and watch out for guys of flesh and blood instead of pixels.

It is. And here's the thing - it's completely, utterly different.

The guys on your computer may make you pop wood, but they exist there SOLELY to make you pop wood. Once you hit orgasm, you probably close the screen. Because they've fulfilled their function - they got you off, mission accomplished, goodbye. But the guys that you're "not really attracting you"? They're real. They're flesh and blood, with personalities and interests and lives. They can get you off, too. And not by acting something out from across the room while you jerk off thinking about what it might be like to actually do something with them. But by actually having sex with you. And chances are really good that that sex is going to make your masturbation-while-staring-at-hottie seem damn tame by comparison. Not only that, but post-orgasm, they stick around. Because there's more to them than just "something to help get you off". They're a friend, they're a partner, they're someone to hang out with, share things with, have fun with, take a shower with afterwards.

Being hot's a plus. Being hot isn't a prerequisite. Trust me - if a guy's good at the other stuff, you won't even miss it.

Lex

 

[Diodorus]

Re: Just when I finally think I'm cool and alright

I see that I am camp and ridiculous........

my friend made a video with me yesterday. Before I could never see how I moved, at least not since my childhood holiday videos.

Okay, and now I found out I move like a total queen and it's just embarassing......
it's okay to move like that for goodlooking gay guys, but for ugly pieces of shit like me, it makes things even worth.....

the way I walk is totally weird as well.....

oh god I am so terrible

did anyone invent complete body transplantations yet?

Yes... It's called reincarnation. It's a bit of rough process since you have to die first. Then growup all over again.

Serious;y though, if you are in a large enough metro area and you're body motion is disturbing you that much you could probably find an acting coach, etc. that could help you change the way you walk. Actors do it all the time.