Just wondering what happened to you if you did this...

[KennyD]

Ya' know ... sometimes, open forthright discussions can save a lot of torment and heartache ....
Ya' need to meet this guy somewhere and sit dow ... have a foreward conversation as to where or where NOT this relationship is or is not going ....
Once you KNOW for sure ..you will know how to proceed with your life ...
Good Luck ..

 

[idunoo]

I dont know for sure, but if you think this is not healthy you shoudl try your best nto to flirt with him and nto to like him. I notice alot of straight guy like to act gay and flirt with same sex for fun, usually they confuse us easily especially if we liek them. Just be careful ^.-

 

[mabby7]

Hi Jerrysteps,


I know how you feel.

I currently work with a guy who flirts with me and allows me to flirt back with him- the only problem is that he is straight...and married. It sucks for me because I am very attracted to him, and he has an awesome personality...but I know I can't cross the line with him. While it is okay to joke around and flirt...i know that his heart will always belong to someone of the opposite sex. He can't be what I want him to be, even if he wanted to.

So, what should you do?

Cut out the flirting if you feel that it is only fueling your longing and desire for him.

My crush does the same thing to me too. He is so open and nice some days with the flirting deal...then sometimes he is so closed off and acts like he doesn't want to return my innuendos.


Are you sure that your crush has no idea how you really feel about him? Chances are he already has an idea about what's going on upstairs...but he has no intentions on taking it further than innocent flirting/joking.

You should probably just continue being his friend, but don't expect much more.

I feel your frustration.

Need to talk more about this situation...send me a PM.

huntneo ... i think you just described me ... practically the same situation ...

but i am slowly getting over this guy and am now just friends ...

 

[backseatboy]

I am in the same boat. I have a guy friend who I really like, and he knows I'm gay. We talk for hours about our cars and have "study sessions" for class and get absolutely nothing productive done, we just talk. I am working up the courage to ask about his past relationships, and see where the conversation goes from there. I think he is straight, but he sends signals that he is interested all the time.

You should clear the air

 

[Spensed]

Lots of straight guys, especially attractive ones flirt with gay guys, unavailable women and even with other straight men. They like the attention and control.

If you're sure you're friend is straight (dating women is a good indicator) and you want more than a flirty friendship, then sooner or later you'll realise that what you're doing is a complete waste of time. Even on a friendship only level, try leaving the initiative with him to take the first step on getting together or doing things and see what happens when you stop spinning the plates.

If he's gay or might be gay, you then have the problem that you've become friends without making your sexual interest clear very soon into the "relationship". I guess it can happen, but for most men, friendship or sisterhood is a hurdle to sex and a sexual relationship. The model you have in your head never works. I'm sure someone will contradict that but, for all practical purposes, it never works.

The bigger question is why you aren't having this interest and intensity with someone, who is sexuality available to you without all this ambiguity and ambivalence as you see it. And there's no easy answer to that one.

Here's hoping that you'll learn from the experience so, unless you like your balls blue, you won't have to repeat it.

 

[fiorio]

don't tell him, it will make it harder for u to get over him,
find some other guy.
you will eventually break ur heart by youself stupidly falling for a str8 guy, which is exactly my routine, 3 times in a row, each time took me 1.5 years to recover.

 

[JackFTwist]

There is a whole lot I am missing here...

we all fall for straight guys, there are more of them than us

why did you apologize to this guy? I don't have any sense that you wronged him that you need to beat your self up apologizing

I've had friends I worked with that once we no longer worked together all the friendship just disappeared - not having in common what we once did or whatever - it is a part of life -

sorry you lost your job - and you will find guys who will respond to you the way you want, have a positive attitude and stop apologizing!

 

[dalton41]

Jerry, sounded a little like my situation. I've never fell head over heels for a str8 guy. When my bf started working at our workplace, I've never gave him a second look or even a second thought other than the fact that he was a nice person. We were at a company function and I just returned from my vacation that day and the way he looked at me all night long...WOW!!! I had the gut feeling that this dude likes me. Then I invited him out one night for drinks and before going our seperate ways, I did gave him a hug. Then he invited me to his Dad's place for Christmas Eve. This guy really, really likes me. Well, when we went to New York together after four months, I was determined not let this man get away from me and it was about time to come to grip with my own feelings as well. I just flat out told him, that he must be naive, stupid or both if he wasn't aware of what was going on and I told him I had feelings for him. What an awesome bf I have!!!

 

[Spensed]

Well, it no longer matters anymore. I don't work with him anymore and on the last time I saw him I gave him a letter. It didn't go very well and I don't think I'll be seeing him for a very long time. Here's what I said (Sorry, long letter):

Hey,

I’ll just come right out and say that I’ve been fired. I know you must have known about the situation between me and (blank), but I’m not sure if you knew that my job might have been at stake. It could’ve been why you didn’t seem to want to be around me, cause you knew that we probably wouldn’t be seeing each other any more, maybe. I don’t know. I knew it was a possibility though and that’s why I tried to make the last few times that I was going to see you good. I also realized that I shouldn’t be all on your nuts (figuratively of course!) so that’s why I tried to keep distance. I was never sure if you would have wanted me to talk to you or not.

I’ve done so many things to hurt you and for no reason what so ever. I truly am an asshole. I’ve done so many horrible things to you and every time you took me back. I had no right to gain your friendship back. Every time I got it back I’d throw it right back down the drain. I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you but, I’m so sorry it hurts my heart. I’m so sorry (blank). I’m so sorry for everything. You were such an amazing friend to me and I kept throwing it away, for stupid reasons. I hate myself so much for everything I’ve done to you. I know you acted like you didn’t know what I was talking about every time I would apologize to you, but I know that you are just being chivalrous (a good guy). I’ve been so horrible to you. I just want you to know these things, because even if you don’t believe me I carry it around me like a bag of boulders.

It’s funny how in the beginning everything was so different. You would go out of your way to talk to me and be nice to me. I didn’t understand, I thought there was something malicious under your intentions, like you were nice to me but would then turn to the Ushers and be like “Dude, JerrySteps is such a fag.” That’s why I would react like I did, like you being nice to me was a bad thing. So began my pushing away of you. I just want you to understand that it was never you, I always had the problems. I had the insecurities, in my head I would think “Why does he want to be my friend?” I didn’t understand. I wish I could start all over with you and do everything right with what I know about you and all the mistakes I’ve made. I will always think of you as my friend and I really don’t give a fuck how gay I sound, but I love you with all of my heart. I will always have nothing but love and respect for you. I will never forget you and all the good times we had, all the times you made me laugh or feel better.

I’m going to appeal the decision and try to come back, but honestly I don’t think that they will let me. I know that I had told you that once I leave that I would probably never see you again, but I don’t want that to be true. I hope that I can see you again, maybe not as “Best Friends” or anything but as two people who have had a history together and for the most part was a good one.
If anything I hope I just made you realize that I am beyond sorry, for everything. I understand that sometimes some damage is beyond repair. I just hope that if we are beyond repair that you can at least understand my feelings and won’t think of me for just the negative.

For future reference, this letter, if genuine, struck me as a good example of something one might write but not send.

It may, or may not, be useful for the writer as an emotional summation. But it doesn't have much empathy for the person its addressed to. I've received one or two letters like this one and they always left me feeling guilty without quite knowing what for or how to respond. So I didn't.

Obviously, anything's possible, though this kind of
"I'll...I know...I'm...I don't know...I knew..." letter is more likely to eliminate any on-going contact rather than to nuture it. Which I guess is the point.

 

[rareboy]

Well, that all went well.

Just count up all the life lessons you've learned along the way and try to avoid all the same mistakes again.

I get the sense that you have a hard time separating your personal life from your work environment. Next time, remember to do this. You don't want a lifetime of being fired from your job.

At 24, you need to stop acting like a teenaged girl and start behaving more like a mature man.

 

[boy0boy]

Trying to convert a straight guy is like a girl trying to convert a gay guy. No matter how much chemistry... it just isn't going to happen.

I think its more of a nice guy thing. Believe it or not there are actual nice guys who are straight. And though we like to fool ourselves into thinking they are one of us.... and its possible.... if you think there are feelings there.... wait for them to say anything.. if they never do. Then you'll know