[kinky relationship issue] -- Help me say goodbye

[WhiteKnightWolf]

So here's the scenario.

1. I'm 21, he's 42
2. He's been my... well, technically adopted dad. We are sleeping together though.
3. He adopted me so I could live with him, because I had run away from home, fell for him, ended up in his bed, not going to specify how old
4. Lived with him now for a whole, but I have cheated on him and I want to do it again
5. I'm honestly not wanting to continue this relationship anymore, I just can't stay I love him as much as he loves me
6. He wants me to marry him and raise children with him and I'm like "Whoa what the fuck not yet, I'm not ready!!"
7. I want to remain his friend, his boy... his son really.
8. But I can't help myself... I need some exciting sex soon!!!!!!

Please help me guys, I know this is silly sounding but I really do love this guy, just not as much as he does me! I can't keep going in this negative spiral, I will cheat on him again... I just know it. I can't control myself!

 

[KaraBulut]

Bottom line? You can't have your cake and eat it too.

The two of you crossed a line by mixing sex with friendship and family relationships. Now you want to keep the family and friends part but end the romantic/sexual part.

It seldom works that way. There's a good chance that you're going to lose it all by cheating and destroying the relationship.

Let's start with this question- if you were to end this relationship, where would you go? Do you have a college education? Do you have a career where you can afford to live on your own?

 

[WhiteKnightWolf]

I have a very limited way of living on my own, but I can do it. I'm trying to work my way through college.

 

[racer2438]

Bottom line? You can't have your cake and eat it too.

The two of you crossed a line by mixing sex with friendship and family relationships. Now you want to keep the family and friends part but end the romantic/sexual part.

It seldom works that way. There's a good chance that you're going to lose it all by cheating and destroying the relationship.

Let's start with this question- if you were to end this relationship, where would you go? Do you have a college education? Do you have a career

^^^^^^^^^

This is so right on point, and there is nothing lower than a cheater in a ltr, this is something you will periodically do and it will always end in bad feelings/loss of bf's.

You should grow a pair of big boy pants a move on and let this guy find someone that will respect him. It's plain to see that you do not respect him. But you both made this arrangement and you do not want to follow it any longer, so move and find someone that you love and respect. You most likely have just out grown him due to the age gap, but cheating is not the way to do it. Wait till someone cheats on you and then you will know what it feels like to what other went thru when you did it to them.

 

[racer2438]

I have a very limited way of living on my own, but I can do it. I'm trying to work my way through college.

^^^^^^^

then do it on your own so that he does not have to spend his money on you( he is i'm sure supporting you in SOME way)

And may be way some people in this postion don't want to lose that money train....

 

[Seasoned]

This is not a run of the mill ltr and from what you've implied a sexual relationship may have begun while you were underage. Even if it was with your full consent he crossed a line he shouldn't have.

You do not owe him a lifetime commitment and if he were clear headed he'd want you to have the possibility of a full life. I hope it doesn't get ugly, but it's time to have a serious discussion with him.

Staying with him and being sexual, knowing you want something else, isn't helpful to your long term emotional or mental health. Do you think you're in any danger when you let him know your true feelings?

This is a no flame forum and there ought to be no name calling. I am totally on your side and wish you well.

 

[palbert]

Irrespective of everything said above, if there was a legal adoption there might be legal ramifications depending on the state where located.

 

[rareboy]

Well haven't the two of you just made your bed and now have to lie in it.

Be honest with him.

And then deal with the consequences.

 

[KaraBulut]

I have a very limited way of living on my own, but I can do it. I'm trying to work my way through college.

There's a level of uncertainty there.

So, it comes down two two scenarios:

• Leave him. Reduce your cost of living and try to get through school. And have your fun with all the guys you want. Risk loosing the relationship- both as father-son, lovers and friends.
• Stick around until you finish school. Either work out some sort of open relationship or keep it in your pants for as long as it takes to finish school. Then decide what you're going to do.

What you should do is lie. Or cheat. Or continue the deceptions.

 

[looseliam]

Keep your mouth shut. Stick around, finish college, then bail. As for an extra $20 or $50 a week and put it aside in your own account - get a P.O. Box.

Your man crossed a big line. So, he has to pay for it - literally. Use the sleazy bastard to better yourself then move along. Don't look back.

 

[Benvolio]

You are too young too be committed to a permanent relationship, and he was seriously wrong to begin relations with you under are. If under age as you imply, it was abuse and statutory rape. It is irrelevant that you may have enjoyed it. You could collect damages if you sued. If you do not wish to do that, staying around through college is a good idea. It is not wrong for you to cheat on him but he may not want to support you if he finds out. He might consent to an open relationship if you pointed out that you are young and want to experiment before making a long term commitment.

 

[JayHawk]

You know best as to whether you can be honest and open and if he will react in a accepting way or a bad way. i would think he likes to have a bit of control being older and wanting so much younger. So he may not be able to cope with you having your own way and your own will. THAT is what is destructive for you and your growth into adulthood.

I agree with the post above. You sound grateful to him. He legally crossed a line that he should not have. In fact, you may have mistaken your gratefulness at his generosity for a desire and love. However vendettas of taking what he has will serve you no good and will result in a much more difficult transition. That is of course up to you.

I would suggest being open and honest if you think he can handle it and it would work out for you to date and remain in the friendship you have developed and also remain in his household and working to better yourself. If that doesnt sound feasible then your best bet is to move on and work out school however you can. it won't be easy but you will be a thousand times better for having done that than built yourself from destroying or using another.