Knowing when to walk away

[gsdx]

Several times this past weekend, I have walked away from several 'discussions' (one of which was a thread I had started) because I knew that continuing the discussions would be meaningless and would lead nowhere. To many who were involved, it might be a sign that they have won their argument. They didn't.

I realized it was a war which neither side could win. The only wise thing to do was to walk away from it. There can be no war when only one side is swinging swords.

During the 'discussions', I grew tired of the innuendo and the snide remarks made toward me. I grew tired of the blatant sarcasm and the finger-pointing. I grew tired of walking away from one battle only to be dragged unwittingly into another somewhere else. I grew tired of people watching over my shoulder, waiting to pounce on me to get the battle started again.

I simply walked away.

I've been a member of JUB for almost 3 years now. I have a lot of friends here, and they are well aware of my integrity. They know that, when I walk away, I am neither giving up nor giving in. And they know I walk away with my head held high. I merely refuse to play the game anymore. As a wise young computer, Joshua, once said:

"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."

I will not be baited. I will not play those childish games. But, I'll be watching and recording those infantile innuendos and sarcastic remarks. (Please note that I am not rolling my eyes here!)

I know when to walk away.

 

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

What discussions are we specifically talking about here? I remember you and me had a discussion about what is history? I hope you didn't feel offended there! To be honest I've left that behind cos we were going in circles.

 

[gsdx]

What discussions are we specifically talking about here?

Discussions better left dead and buried. It had nothing to do with our discussion on history. That was informative and educational for both of us.

 

[gsdx]

Is dedicating a new thread the situation (with some sort of threat (?) attached to it) really “walking away”?

I walked away from the 'battles', not Jub. And 'yes', it was important for me to do this so the people concerned wouldn't think they had beaten me, that they hadn't won. And 'yes', I will be watching. It was not meant as a threat. It was meant merely as a warning.

 

[Swellegant]

Walking away is always difficult for me, simply because I have to keep on expressing myself until I feel that I have completely delineated my position. But I make an effort never to rise to the bait when someone is just being insulting. There is no place for anger in civilized discussion, and getting angry just lets the other person "win." I of course prefer to "win" myself, but I'd rather end at a tie, an agreement to disagree, than to give in to my baser nature and make an ass of myself, thereby "losing."

 

[Soilwork]

I do remember once having an arguement (I think on the subject of dating bisexual men) and once I realized that the only people who were argueing with me were no longer actually argueing but just putting words in my mouth and being assholes and slandering me, I just gave up.

Then a weird thing happened... the people started to gloat and act as if by not argueing the point and instead attacking me personally, they had "won" the arguement. One of them kept saying "This is the best take-down on this board ever" and posted pictures of a sprinter saying it was me running away.

It was totally juvenile, but you have to remember that a good deal of people here really ARE juvenile. There are a rather large number of maladjusted adults on this board who seem to think that they're still in high school... and act like it.

It can be frustrating but in the end it's much better to just roll your eyes at them and no matter how much they bait you to just walk away.

Those people never learn anything anyway and are incapable of really learning anything from an arguement anyway.

 

[gsdx]

Then a weird thing happened... the people started to gloat and act as if by not argueing the point and instead attacking me personally, they had "won" the arguement. One of them kept saying "This is the best take-down on this board ever" and posted pictures of a sprinter saying it was me running away.

Which, my friend, is exactly why I made my original post above. I wanted them to know they had not 'won'.

 

[Snickers52]

Unfortunately, the anyonymity of the internet makes some people say things to others they would never dream of saying to their face. I am constanly amazed at how downright hateful some people can be over very innocent, innocuous topics. It's not nearly as bad on boards like JUB as it is on boards like Datalounge where people are not required to register and can post completely anonymously. Datalounge is nothing but a brawl most days and for all intents and purposes has become a joke. Lord knows I've had days when a few people would have ended up with black eyes if I could have gotten hold of them on this board and others.

Also, there seems to be a lot of kids posting on the chat boards nowadays. I think we even have a great number of young teenagers on this board from some of the comments I read.

But frankly gxdx, I think your attitude of walking away when it goes haywire is the best solution. The only way around it is when people go so totally over the line the moderators have to get involved and either close the thread or block some people from posting.

 

[KingRuby]

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was
"Choose your battles wisely".
It looks like that is what you are doing. Good for you.

 

[Soilwork]

yeah, my reaction was to go back and explain that they hadn't won, but that I woudln't argue with people who's strategy was putting words in my mouth and slandering me.

Alas, one of the people putting words in my mouth and intentionally misrepresenting what I had written was a moderator who soon locked the thread.

So I guess I wasn't the one who felt the need to run away.

(Man, it's so juvenile for me to point that out, but I understand the attraction)

 

[spooger]

fortunately, nobody on JUB seems to take me seriously if i were to judge by the controversy sparked by my postings ...but my JUB# is only 130913.....i'm a baby here.....lol

you OTOH, are an icon ...yeah, i know you don't think that way.....you're respected for your sincerity and unassuming nature....

but just as IRL, there are people here who intentionally(?) misinterpret or even twist the logic of one's statements....for their own self-engrandisement.....NOT for the benefit of provoking thought or soliciting opinion....simply disruptive and iconoclastic....

here's my hypothesis.....wierd, i know, but....

it's a strategy of the homophobic right wing fundamentalists.....or is it AlQueda....

invade the homo boards .... blend in as a "normal" deviant member....and through subtle attack and inuendo....sow the seeds of discontent and self-loathing.......

and all the cyber fag communities will simply self destruct.....fait acompli.....

So, gsdx...DON'T succumb to their doomed strategy.....BUCK UP BUDDY....stand your ground......call a hetero a hetero....a provocateur a provocateur....a scumbag....a scumbag.....take names and KIKK ASS......

we JUBbers are fed up with the moralilzing in light-hearted, fun threads....the preaching in the hook-up threads.....the sabbotage of thoughtful....serious threads....

we've got your back......go out there with your head held high......and push all their buttons.....rustle them out of the weeds....make them show their faces for what they are.... ....idiots

and we'll cut them down....and take care of them......

 

[ahotjock71]

Is it a full moon?

Are we all becoming truly "sisters" & cycling at the same time?

 

[looseliam]

I find it comes down to discretion and maturity. Those with them and without.

 

[Franion]

gsdx, I always read the threads you start (I like your sense of humour), but I seem to have missed all the drama.

However, I know exactly what you mean. One's first reaction is to post back with something equally vitriolic . . . count to ten and . . .maybe a reasoned debate? No, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Walking away and making a pot of citron tea works for me.

There always seems to be battle of some kind raging here - not long ago it was the "faux-ghetto"/SMS speakers versus the grammar nazis. Just the theme and the protagonists change.

Rise above, old chap.

 

[Andreus]

GSDX.... you are a good man who believes in what he writes.

that integrity is the stuff that real men are made of.

hugs and kisses

 

[gsdx]

GSDX.... you are a good man who believes in what he writes.

that integrity is the stuff that real men are made of.

hugs and kisses

Thank you, and no hard feelings toward you. That is one of the reasons I walked away. At least we had the opportunity not to become enemies.

 

[Andreus]

Thank you, and no hard feelings toward you. That is one of the reasons I walked away. At least we had the opportunity not to become enemies.

I have very few enemies. I think that I am more open with the people whose opinions I care about, and I just ignore people that dont really register as serious. If I think you are not being arguementative just for the sake of drama, then you have me on your side even if I dont agree with your opinion.

I don't think everyone was as gentlemanly with you as they could have been, but I know that you were holding your own even as people disagreed with you.

I admire your strength and tenacity as well as your wisdom in knowing when to stop. Maybe I will learn a bit from you as you continue to post.

Knowing when to walk is one of the better parts of valor.

 

[eddielee]

I think I know the thread you were talking about. Things did go down hill. It's always best to walk away from a thread when things are too intense and you're getting upset.

 

[Franion]

^Someone was really horrible to Eddie the other day. I thought Eddie handled it very well

 

[cynicus]

Unfortunately, "gay" and "stupid" are not mutually exclusive terms. What is the Latin for "Don't let the bastards grind you down"?