LDR; I might've made a mistake

[Rolyo85]

Well, this sounds like a question of priorities.

I think it's admirable that you are so devoted to the GSA thing, and especially in a small town it has the potential to change lives, so I applaud you.

However, without knowing you or your bf, or the nature of your relationship, my instinct is that it will not survive a year of long distance, especially that long - 8 hours is not something you can travel for the weekend or a day off school/work.

So, in the end, you have to choose. I'm not saying that your relationship will end FOR SURE, but I think it's likely. If your work with the GSA is worth the sacrifice, then you should do it. Because you will have made a difference and you are bound to eventually meet someone else in better geographic circumstances. LDRs are very hard to maintain, and not for everyone.

Sorry I can't offer anything better.

 

[Seasoned]

There's an adage about relationships that I've lived by for almost 30 years. "If it's good for you it's good for the relationship." That's not to say it avoids strife or pain, but it allows you to set priorities and have some peace of mind.

I might off the cuff say stay and do the work you're interested in. If you're both willing to travel 4 hours you might meet half way for some weekends. On the other hand your hard work has gotten the GSA to this point. Do you have a trusted ally you could hand it off to?

 

[bankside]

You know what that kind of group can mean for a gay kid in a small town. And I think you know the struggles from not having that kind of support growing up.

That kind of group can help a gay kid get on his feet to live his life.

Which is where you're at now: the "live your life" part.

It is not selfish to live for your own happiness. It is right to also think about how to give back, and it is proper to think about how to pave the way for others so they can face similar struggles with the wisdom of your experience and the support of others. But that does not require you to sacrifice your happiness, even if as a result things don't change as fast as they should in small towns.

You've talked about the struggles in life you've overcome. That requires an investment of time and effort in yourself, and in your own journey. After a person has struggled and gets to a time in his life when things are okay, it is easy to make light of how much effort is required.

Basically I'm saying don't forget to take care of yourself no matter what you decide. And there might be other things you can do that don't require you to make such a hard choice.

New subject:

Did the big city work for you before? If you went back, what would you do differently?

 

[bankside]

Thank you, bankside. You're absolutely right; I needed that support when I was a kid growing up, and others need it just as much. As I said above, my boyfriend can come and stay with me; I'm needed here to do some good, important work for this town. Even if the GSA falls flat on its face, at least I can say I tried instead of giving up completely, being selfish and not giving the confused kids in this town a safe haven.

This guy nailed it:

Basically I'm saying don't forget to take care of yourself no matter what you decide.

 

[medic1]

Thank you, bankside. You're absolutely right; I needed that support when I was a kid growing up, and others need it just as much. As I said above, my boyfriend can come and stay with me; I'm needed here to do some good, important work for this town. Even if the GSA falls flat on its face, at least I can say I tried instead of giving up completely, being selfish and not giving the confused kids in this town a safe haven.

I never realised what a caring bloke you are..........KUDOS ,

 

[bankside]

Well...shit.

 

[Rolyo85]

Sorry to hear that. But you have your goals, and you will find someone in a situation where you don't have to choose between your passion and personal happiness. It will be for the better ultimately

 

[Seasoned]

Good luck to you. I'm sorry that it ended this way. Be prepared to know something intellectually but feel something differently. It hurts to break up. Best wishes.

 

[bankside]

It's hard to treat people right when they have a hard time expressing their emotions.

Take care.

 

[medic1]

Sorry to hear that , i wish you the best in your efforts to help other young guys and gals in your hometown.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I don't know if somebody else has pointed this but an 8 hour bus ride is NOTHING. That's not real distance, you guys can see each other every weekend. I know couples that live in different countries and in my case I am temporarily living in a different CONTINENT than my boyfriend. THAT'S distance, because there's nothing we can do but wait, travelling is way too expensive.

So I say do what makes you happy and go visit your boyfriend every weekend. It's a freaking 8 hour drive!!! That's nothing.

 

[bankside]

Ashy I'm glad to hear that, and I'm glad you're both ready to talk about what you each need. I was hoping you could do both GSA and move in an ideal world, but also that you would be willing to make this choice if need be. I think you are making the right choice to start something that will blaze a trail for others, but still willing to back away when it's time to do the right thing for yourself.

Now for the advice you didn't ask for. From the time I've known you on here, if there are two things you need in life it is A) stability, and B) being able to follow your dreams despite life's challenges.

Going to the big city to have more time for your relationships takes care of item B. I did it myself and it made me happy. But going there also means you're giving up a bit of stability, until you get established and make sure things are right with your boyfriend for the long haul.

I know we all have to take life one day at a time, but sometimes a backup plan is important to keep in mind. Go with an open mind and an open heart, but don't just think about the spring time. Think about the summer and the fall too, what your own plans are, and how to settle in to a stable healthy life out there. I humbly suggest it is going to go better for your health that way, and that can really help you to move your dreams forward.