It's strange. I feel so upset, so hurt, betrayed, and angry. However, through it all, I feel an unusually high amount of calmness & happiness as I always feel.
Over two years ago, I meet Steve Z. while visiting some friends of mine, and meeting a new one. Steve and I appeared to have a connection with one another. The feeling was unlike any I have felt for anyone ever before or now. Quickly became friends and after I came back from my first trip to Europe, we quickly became lovers.
Since the beginning of our relationship, the two of us always felt that there would be something that would end up tearing us apart, and this would not last forever. This didn't concern us too much cause we also firmly believed that we would remain good friends long after the romance has ended.
I guess neither of us really counted on falling in love.
I had problems early on in the relationship since Steve was constantly bringing his ex-girlfriend along with us on dates & while she was with us, he'd behave oddly and cling to her a bit like they were still a couple. I just accepted it as a change he was going through and he needed time to adjust. I went through a time of adjustment myself. I was quite uncomfortable getting naked in bed. I'm not in terrible shape or such, but I was not used to things like that. Eventually I got through that. Our relationship felt really wonderful. It seemed like what problems we had would get resolved & things were great again.
Then came 2004.
Steve began flirting with other people in ways I was uncomfortable with. One of them was on his birthday, when our friend Todd stuck his hand down Steve's pants to feel up his dick right infront of me, to which Steve just went along with it. I had to be the one to break up their fun.
Then Steve began asking if I wanted to have affairs. I told him I was not interest cause he made me happy. Turns out though, that he was not happy that I was not into S&M. He rarely talked about it to me, but it seems he wanted to do more kinky sex, even though he was quite happy with the sex we had & didn't complain about that.
Then last month Steve starts saying that he understands that I'm not into that but is worried that his health is going to deteriorate rapidly now that he's in his 40's and if he waits too long, he'll not be physically able to peform the types of sex acts he wishes to do. I told him I felt bad if I dissatisfy him but also told him that I'm not into having a non-committed relationship.
The morning of January 2nd, 2005, he talks to me about this saying that he's looking at other offers. I told him that he knows how I feel about this and that I will not tolerate infidelity but I also can't babysit him.
Yesterday, he was home from work much earlier than usual and never explained why. I didn't think much of it, until today when I decided just out of curiousity to finally see what JustUsBoys is about really and see what Steve has been discussing here. I knew his screen name was Hard Luck because I scanned a picture for him to use as his signature, previously.
What is the first post of his I see ? A confession of his infidelity the night before.
I started to lightly pant as I felt my heart fall through the floor.
I have been feeling so many mixed emotions these past few hours. Still, I feel very calm and unattached to what's happened. I'm slightly confused by this unusual peacefulness.
I've been trying to figure out why I'm not such a train wrech of a human being at the moment, and as I look back on our relationship, I realize I have cried about breaking up with Steve countless times in the past. I have been trying to cry a few times but I just can't quite get the tears to come out. I let out what little anger I had by making my first post on JustUsBoys, in response to Steve's take on infidelity between lovers.
I do feel a bit sad, for myself and him, but I accept this change in our relationship, switching from lovers to good friends.
It'll take some time to fully adjust, but so far, I tend to be feeling more comfortable than I thought I could be.
Looks like 2005 has some surprises up it's sleeve for me and him both. Let's see what happens next.
Over two years ago, I meet Steve Z. while visiting some friends of mine, and meeting a new one. Steve and I appeared to have a connection with one another. The feeling was unlike any I have felt for anyone ever before or now. Quickly became friends and after I came back from my first trip to Europe, we quickly became lovers.
Since the beginning of our relationship, the two of us always felt that there would be something that would end up tearing us apart, and this would not last forever. This didn't concern us too much cause we also firmly believed that we would remain good friends long after the romance has ended.
I guess neither of us really counted on falling in love.
I had problems early on in the relationship since Steve was constantly bringing his ex-girlfriend along with us on dates & while she was with us, he'd behave oddly and cling to her a bit like they were still a couple. I just accepted it as a change he was going through and he needed time to adjust. I went through a time of adjustment myself. I was quite uncomfortable getting naked in bed. I'm not in terrible shape or such, but I was not used to things like that. Eventually I got through that. Our relationship felt really wonderful. It seemed like what problems we had would get resolved & things were great again.
Then came 2004.
Steve began flirting with other people in ways I was uncomfortable with. One of them was on his birthday, when our friend Todd stuck his hand down Steve's pants to feel up his dick right infront of me, to which Steve just went along with it. I had to be the one to break up their fun.
Then Steve began asking if I wanted to have affairs. I told him I was not interest cause he made me happy. Turns out though, that he was not happy that I was not into S&M. He rarely talked about it to me, but it seems he wanted to do more kinky sex, even though he was quite happy with the sex we had & didn't complain about that.
Then last month Steve starts saying that he understands that I'm not into that but is worried that his health is going to deteriorate rapidly now that he's in his 40's and if he waits too long, he'll not be physically able to peform the types of sex acts he wishes to do. I told him I felt bad if I dissatisfy him but also told him that I'm not into having a non-committed relationship.
The morning of January 2nd, 2005, he talks to me about this saying that he's looking at other offers. I told him that he knows how I feel about this and that I will not tolerate infidelity but I also can't babysit him.
Yesterday, he was home from work much earlier than usual and never explained why. I didn't think much of it, until today when I decided just out of curiousity to finally see what JustUsBoys is about really and see what Steve has been discussing here. I knew his screen name was Hard Luck because I scanned a picture for him to use as his signature, previously.
What is the first post of his I see ? A confession of his infidelity the night before.
I started to lightly pant as I felt my heart fall through the floor.
I have been feeling so many mixed emotions these past few hours. Still, I feel very calm and unattached to what's happened. I'm slightly confused by this unusual peacefulness.
I've been trying to figure out why I'm not such a train wrech of a human being at the moment, and as I look back on our relationship, I realize I have cried about breaking up with Steve countless times in the past. I have been trying to cry a few times but I just can't quite get the tears to come out. I let out what little anger I had by making my first post on JustUsBoys, in response to Steve's take on infidelity between lovers.
I do feel a bit sad, for myself and him, but I accept this change in our relationship, switching from lovers to good friends.
It'll take some time to fully adjust, but so far, I tend to be feeling more comfortable than I thought I could be.
Looks like 2005 has some surprises up it's sleeve for me and him both. Let's see what happens next.