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Letting go of the past

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purpilia25

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So, I am in this year long relationship, going strong, but I have one constant difficulty that needs addressing. My bf used drugs recreationally in the past, and smoked cigs. He has been very honest with me about it, which I appreciate, but I am completely against all that crap. Like, the mere mention or seeing pics from that time pisses me off. He doesnt do it anymore but obvs he doesnt share my hatred of the stuff and hangs with people who still do it. Any advice on how to cope with things in the past? I need to let go and am having no luck on my own. We have gone over it in depth together, he knows my opinion, but I still keep dwelling on it.
 
Um, this isn't really part of your past. Your BF was a smoker and drug user. You have to either accept that or find a clean cut guy who shares your views on smoking and drugs.

Trust me, it's not a good idea to cherry pick what you like about a mate. He will eventually resent you for that and he may find comfort with someone else. The DRUG life is a part of who he is (or was)...Accept him.
 
Spot on -KANE-

Accepting is one thing- Allowing another. Don't expect a dog not to be a dog- and no disrespect to dogs. He is who he is and he also is who he was. All part of the human existance. Accept or move on- sorry to be blunt- but sometimes, people suck!
 
I agree with the previous posters. You can set and live by your own rules, but it's pointless to make that a condition of someone else - as in forcing friends or boyfriends to live by your own rules. It just doesn't work that way. If your boyfriend comes to the realization that he wants to stay far away from drugs on his own, then great! But if not, you can't force it to happen, and must accept him for who he is and for what choices he makes. If you determine you can't live with someone who has that connection to drugs, then find someone else who chooses to live drug-free, and you shall both be happy!
 
It is none of your concern what he used to do as long as he isn't doing it now. You can be against anything you want, that's your business. But you should not be up in his face about it if he's not opposed to it. If you don't want to hang with him when he's with his drug-using/smoking friends, then find an excuse not to be, or make it more appealing to him to be somewhere else. But don't try to change his VIEWS on something he isn't doing now. Pick your fights...
 
purpilia25 said:
So, I am in this year long relationship, going strong, but I have one constant difficulty that needs addressing. My bf used drugs recreationally in the past, and smoked cigs. He has been very honest with me about it, which I appreciate, but I am completely against all that crap. Like, the mere mention or seeing pics from that time pisses me off. He doesnt do it anymore but obvs he doesnt share my hatred of the stuff and hangs with people who still do it. Any advice on how to cope with things in the past? I need to let go and am having no luck on my own. We have gone over it in depth together, he knows my opinion, but I still keep dwelling on it.
Click to expand...

Hmmm, I seriously doubt your boyfriend would like your "cheating fetish" you have in which you lie to your boyfriend. Maybe he should just have kept his "drug fetish" and use hidden from you. Is what's good for the goose, good for the gander, in this situation?
 
Frankly, the fact your BF used to smoke and party is a really stupid thing to be upset over. People do far worse things or have far worse habits. He closed that chapter in his life and you need to stop re-reading it. Turn the page and you both move forward in life and be happy with each other.
 
God I used to smoke.

It didn't make me hurt puppies or rape babies.

Lighten the fuck up.

And let the past go.
 
You're not upset with what he used to do or you wouldn't be with him. You're afraid he misses those things and will be back at it because he's maintained his old friendships. What you're describing is called co-dependency.
 
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