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Letting him know without saying too much, advice please

S

SteeveNNK

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Hey, I hope some of you guys can give me some advice on the situation I've been in recently. Nothing big, I assume, not a matter of life or death for sure, but just a relationship issue I'd like to solve.

To make it quick :

Me : 22, only dated girls so far but have been attracted to guys for years. Never came out or done anything more than wishing. You can definitely not tell I'm into guys by looking or even talk to me.

Him : 22, openly gay. Appears to be single these days (what Facebook says...). Works at the same place I work, except I'm here Mon-Sat and he's here only on Saturdays.

First day we met : nothing special, the casual "hello" and that's it, but he makes a good first impression.
Saturday after : I learn he's gay from a co-worker & friend of his. We talk a bit about work, shake hands when leaving.

Then I add him on Facebook, check ALL his stuff, (feel like a creep) and finds out he's definitely out and comfortable with his sexual orientation, lots of pics of him hugging guys, lots of wall messages mentioning it (nothing gross) and it clearly states "Single - Interested in Men, Women". I then set my own status to Single and Interested in Men, Women too, making it visible only to him (I'm not out, remember ?)

Third saturday (yesterday) : Think about him on my way to work, wondering what I should say or do, no time to think too much, as I bump into him the minute I step foot in the common room. Casual handshake, "Hey what's up ?", nothing exciting. Then we go to some kind of training with an instructor : the two of us + two others. We talk a bit about past jobs, studies and stuff, have a laugh. I throw a lot of quick looks at him, without him noticing. He's definitely got all the typical gay gestures and I wonder how I didn't figure it out on the first day !

Going back to our work (in a store), he tells me to not hesitate coming to his section because I'm supposed to be polyvalent and he says "I don't see you often". I melt. His eyes are so full of sun, when he looks at me I tan. :-) I confess I'd like to spend more time in his section cause I don't get along that much with the co-worker in mine. Turns out she's a good friend of him ](*,) Blank.

Okay I'm writing too much.

What I'd like to do : let him know I'm interested but not used to dating guys so I would appreciate he does the first steps, maybe the first couple of steps ! I'm afraid to crash and burn if I'm too explicit.

My question is : You're this guy, you meet another guy you like (assuming the "Not seeing me often" comment tends to prove he does). You don't know if he's straight or not. What could he do to show you the door is open and he's dying for you to ask him out ?

Should I really befriend him first, chat online ? I don't feel like wearing a rainbow bandana at work but if something helps him find out about what I like... any idea ? Reaaly looking forward to your comments and advice, I'll let you know. Thanks.
 
make eye contact with him, then smile, if he smiles back wink at him, if he does back then he's yours. You already know he's gay so he won't get all weird about it.
So, if I were that guy and I was interested in you I'd do what he did "I don't see you often, feel free to come and visit."


good luck.
 
There's one problem to all of this- you work together. That creates both a problem with dating and a problem if you don't want everyone at work to know that you like the peen.

You can ask him to grab a drink after work. You can invite him to lunch one day that you're both working together. But if you want to take it further, you need to think about the consequences of getting involved with a co-worker.
 
Fact: He's gay.
Fact: You want him.
Fact: He does not know if you're into men. He is not going to make the first move...afraid to bark on the wrong tree.

YOU take the first step. Ask him to meet you for happy hour since you don't work together that much. Happy hr or lunch is very casual to do with coworkers. Then let him know you like men. Compliment him on his good looks or whatever. Take it from there.
 
I'm not as concerned about the work thing as I would usually be because he is so part-time. I'm not sure if you are as well, only with more hours. There are a couple of considerations here. If you are full-time you'll want to consider the possibility that you could start and end a relationship with someone you'd see at least one day a week. If you supervise him stop any interest now. It's not ok to get involved.

I think once you have something sweet going with a guy you won't be as concerned about being out. But even letting him know you are interested could spread rather quickly. That may or may not be an issue for you. It would be lovely if being gay or bi was of no concern to anyone. But haven't you already outed yourself to him on facebook?

If you think things are cool at work tell him you'd like to do something with him outside of work if he's up for it.

Good luck and take care of yourself.
 
We always want the other guy to take the first step, to take the risk.

It's your turn to take the first step. :kiss:

P.S. I loved your eyes/sun/tan comment!
 
Just look at him, and he's even cuter in real life. I'd definitely come out to the world if he were mine, nothing could affect me pride: (and if he ever reads this thread, he's totally gonna think I'm a creep for posting his pic)
 
I really appreciate what you just did but It's not correct to post somebody's picture in a public site without his/her approval. You may want to move it now.
 
>>>...and if he ever reads this thread, he's totally gonna think I'm a creep for posting his pic...

You really don't care, though, do you?

Lex
 
You guys are so right, I was over-enthusiast but this is just not correct... I reported my own post (if that makes sense) so the pic can be edited.

Thanks for all comments about the real topic, I'm having a brainstorm, I may actually talk to him about "the issue" on saturday, and will let you know for sure (using the "eyes/sun/tan" idiom would be totally awkward, but who knows ?)
 
SteeveNNK said:
Then I add him on Facebook, check ALL his stuff, (feel like a creep) and finds out he's definitely out and comfortable with his sexual orientation, lots of pics of him hugging guys, lots of wall messages mentioning it (nothing gross) and it clearly states "Single - Interested in Men, Women". I then set my own status to Single and Interested in Men, Women too, making it visible only to him (I'm not out, remember ?)

What I'd like to do : let him know I'm interested but not used to dating guys so I would appreciate he does the first steps, maybe the first couple of steps ! I'm afraid to crash and burn if I'm too explicit.
Click to expand...

I would say what you wrote here. He probably already knows you are out if he is interested.

Also, remove the picture. He may never see it, but do you really want to risk that he sees it and thinks badly of you. How would you feel if that happened to you?
 
All good responses here. I'm sure he has noticed your fb relationship status/orientation. He made a vague friendly comment to you at work to feel you out (what did you say in return?).

IMO he's waiting for your move. Be chill about it and invite him out for a drink or something with a no pressure atmosphere. If you're too shy to out urself further in person, send him a message on fb
 
Ok, today was saturday (= hot gay co-worker day) and here's a brief summary of what happened : shook hands in the morning, had a few laughs and quick work discussions, for some reason I thought initiating a high five would be a way to show I appreciate him as a workmate first, well he followed it (although a bit surprised), but I wasn't planning on catching him all alone and going like "Hey, I'm crazy about you".

Later tonight I launched a Facebook chat with him, with a phony reason as an excuse (our manager asked him to come to his office after work, so I just told him "hey, please tell me you're not fired !"), yeah kinda dull, I know I'm losing it...

He cut the discussion short, saying he had a female buddy at home and they were going to watch tv, but was joking around, really cool, relaxed and even a bit arrogant, different than at work where he's kinda shy. Now I'm not sure he would be the perfect guy for me, he seems pretty confident and I was just terribly jealous in my previous relationships (one of the reasons I'm reluctant to dating girls now) all I know is I totally want to get to know him better and I won't say no to anything he has in mind (if it's the case). Whether he likes me or not, whether he knows I'm into him or not are currently unsolved mysteries. Now time will tell. Without your advice, I may had never even tried to approach him so feel free to comment, it may definitely help !
 
I don't think any straight guy will give attention to a guy as you did, so I think he knows you gay and I think he knows you are into him.

I just think you just need to holla at dude, don't be afraid of rejection.

edit

You really said "I'm crazy about you"? If you didn't please don't ever do that
 
Okay, it's been a week and the fresh news are : I just sent him a PM on Facebook, which basically summarizes this thread's title "letting him know without saying too much". We worked on saturday but were quite busy so we almost didn't talk. Here's what the PM said (translated the best I could) :

"Hey, okay I don't know what you're gonna think of this, I'm not used to it but it's no big deal ^^ To make it quick : I think you're someone interesting, I'd like to take the time to get to know you better, and I know it's gonna be difficult if we're gonna see each other only 3-4 times, one day a week.

The few times we talked, I'm not sure what impression I made on you, I've been told it's quite hard to see into me, even for those who've known me for ages, even for me actually : some things aren't really clear, some other things are. Anyway, only if you feel like it and you've got the time for, I'd appreciate if we could take some time someday to get to know each other, any way you'll like, but once more : only if you feel like it and you don't think I'm a freak at this moment. If not, no worry, we'll just have two more days of work where we'll act as if this message never existed ! As I told you, I'm not used to this, I'm having writer's block on both the subject and the end of the message, so I'll just finish by wishing you a good night/morning, see ya."

I feel so weird, but better than I thought I would. I'm really kind of shy in relationships, my heart usually beats crazily fast everytime I take a step forward but I'm quite okay. I can only imagine what it would be to be the gay guy writing to another dude without knowing if he's gay or not, at least I know I'm not barking at the wrong tree like someone said earlier. Thanks btw to everyone, it really helps ! Now fingers crossed and if you have any comment on the message I sent, although I can't go back I'd like to read from you :)
 
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