Life Issues

[jumblesale]

This year I started exploring my sexuality for the first time. I'm 24. I kissed a guy for the first time about four months ago, and I had sex for the first time last week.

I've also been struggling to look for work since I graduated from university three years ago. I started volunteering this year just to become more active.

I'm quite a sensitive person, and meeting guys and trying to forge relationships/friendships has been an exhausting and emotional experience. I just feel very confused at the moment. I feel like my life has been very sedate and closed off from the world until 2014, and now that I've tried putting myself out into the world I suddenly feel overwhelmed by everything.

I possibly feel more alone than ever at the moment. I feel so stressed I can barely think. I haven't felt like this since the period surrounding my coming out, which was also just after I had left university.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

This year I started exploring my sexuality for the first time. I'm 24. I kissed a guy for the first time about four months ago, and I had sex for the first time last week.

Excellent.

I've also been struggling to look for work since I graduated from university three years ago. I started volunteering this year just to become more active.

If you worked before, you'll work again.

I'm quite a sensitive person, and meeting guys and trying to forge relationships/friendships has been an exhausting and emotional experience. I just feel very confused at the moment. I feel like my life has been very sedate and closed off from the world until 2014, and now that I've tried putting myself out into the world I suddenly feel overwhelmed by everything.

Just keep going.

I possibly feel more alone than ever at the moment. I feel so stressed I can barely think. I haven't felt like this since the period surrounding my coming out, which was also just after I had left university.

Do you still live with your parents? I find it gets seriously in the way of my critical thinking skills.

 

[jumblesale]

Yes, I still live with my parents. It does complicate things and it certainly limits my freedom. It is nice knowing that I've got that support network surrounding me but it makes me feel like I'm stuck between being an adolescent and an adult.

I think I need to develop a thicker skin. I'm far too sensitive. I'm still trying to learn how to value myself; I think my biggest problem is that I become hopelessly infatuated with people that have ambition and confidence when I should actually be trying to pursue those qualities within myself first. As you can probably tell I am a massive over-thinker. I can't shut my brain up.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

There's useful consideration and then there's stuff that your mind dwells on that only depresses.
Opportunities will present themselves if you are prepared to look for them.

I try to see the world through other people's eyes, and it helps me understand my situation better.

Have you worked since you graduated?

 

[jumblesale]

I've only managed to get unpaid work. I've got some great stuff on my CV, but my ambitions don't really match with where I live. My work experience is all in the creative field, and in my small part of the world there's little of those kind of opportunities available. I've applied for any kind of work just to earn money so I can possibly up sticks and move elsewhere, but my CV makes me look overqualified and the job market is saturated so it's a catch-22 for me at the moment. Volunteering lets me try things to decide if there's some other option.

When I think about it, I have got a lot to be grateful for. I think the worst thing is that I haven't got that many friends where I live ever since I returned home from university. I never really have anyone to talk to or to de-stress with.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

^ Volunteer work can be useful for getting a paid job, but I've also found too much of it can get in the way of finding one.

I'd recommend finding something that "counts'' as a fulltime job (can be as stupid as seasonal or factory work) and work from there.
If you can get something like that, you could rent a room and think of where to go next.

I don't recommend paper rounds or having multiple part-time jobs.

 

[Craiger]

Hi Jumblesale - Harke has some very good suggestions, particularly concerning full time vs part time jobs. You stated that you CV makes you look overqualified, which you probably are, but why not restate your CV in a different light. I had a friend with PhD in Physics who couldn't find employment at the time because of his over qualification. It got to a point where he would not refer to any of his educational background and finally was hired in an office. Obviously he later went back into his field, but at the time he was grateful for the office job. After you find work, my thinking would be that moving from you parents or better still, moving to a larger area where your particular expertise would be beneficial. Also, if there is some LGBT center around your area, you may want to check it out. Finding just one friend to talk to could make a world of difference. Best of luck and keep us updated.

Craiger

 

[Seasoned]

It's natural to be stressed if you're introverted and made all these leaps into adulthood all at the same time. Congrats on all your milestones, btw. Tremendous accomplishments.

I think the key for you now is networking. Keep volunteering, but not so much as it zaps all your job hunting energy. Try volunteering at more than one place to increase your network.

Every social interaction better equips you to make the self-improvement changes that you deem desirable. That's what I began doing at about your age. I have had people burst out laughing when I've told them that I'm introverted. It's true, but I don't behave that way any longer and they didn't know me as a young man.

 

[jumblesale]

Thank you all for the advice.

I think finding a job and "networking" is the one thing that I want to focus on right now. I've been getting very distracted lately, thinking about relationships when I'm almost certainly not mentally prepared for one.

I also often compare myself to others and then feel terrible because their lives are seemingly much more interesting and enriching than my own. Obviously the irony is that I spend so much time worrying about these kinds of things that I forget to live my life on my own terms.

I'll try and keep you guys updated.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

I can tell you how I got my first jobs if you like.

 

[Disturbance]

I can tell you how I got my first jobs if you like.

I am interested as well.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

I also often compare myself to others and then feel terrible because their lives are seemingly much more interesting and enriching than my own. Obviously the irony is that I spend so much time worrying about these kinds of things that I forget to live my life on my own terms.

In terms of the mindset,
I found this article about life by David Wong very useful, even though I'd learnt this lesson years earlier.

I am interested as well.

I got most of them through temp agencies. They were then (late 90s) a good -low threshold- way to enter the labour market in the Netherlands and as at least one major Dutch agency operates all over the world chances are they will work for you too.
Back then you could just walk into their office and make an appointment (sometimes the same day, so it was good to have your cv and passport and personal details ready). Then later the same week they'd call you an have you fill out a contract and off you went!

There's a caveat here, I think you're both from different countries and there are bound to be legal differences and of course the forgiving nineties and the subsequent preposterously opulent Millennium seem to have happened in another reality... but I'm sure you can get something out of it for relatively little effort (unlike applying for a regular job where you have to jump through all kinds of hoops and then still end up with nothing after months).

Also, we're not exactly talking top-of-the-barrel jobs, but they're a place to start.

 

[Disturbance]

Also, we're not exactly talking top-of-the-barrel jobs, but they're a place to start.

We have to start somewhere. Thank for the advice sweetheart.