Life's Biggest Regrets...

[justndav]

Bare with me guys, this is going to be a long post.
So I just found out recently that my closest friend from high school died recently of a heart attack. This was a friend that I was so close to, we were like brothers. I do admit that I had such a huge crush on this guy from about my sophmore year on I just was in love with him. Well, he said that he was straight when we were Seniors but he was flattered. It actually did not end our friendship as I was afraid it would. He invited me to come see him when he was going to Southern Illinois University. So I did, he basically told me then that he was in fact gay and he just couldnt do anything with me in a romantic way because we were such good friends and didnt want to lose that. Well we remained close, he was at SIU and I was at NIU in De Kalb. We graduated college and life kind of dragged us in different parts of the country. Well he had his crowd of new friends and all the sudden became really rude and mean towards me. Come to find out he told his brother who I have recently talked to, that he was always upset that we didnt get together so he wanted to push me away to forget about me. I loved this guy so much and he was so wonderful and now he's gone. I know how he felt because I had a guy I couldnt be with because of my family and how they treated me about ten years ago, we still talk but it hurts me to talk a lot to him. I have been with my current partner for almost 9 years, but I just regret some things because I dont know what might have been in two relationships. Thanks for letting me spout off.

 

[LeoMikey]

Sorry to hear of your loss. You'll do yourself a huge favour if you just let this go, just accept it as is. Remember the good times, and at least you now know the real reason he pushed you away. What you're feeling is a bad case of the "what could've beens", and it's understandable. But there is a reason things turn out the way they do, even if it hurts. Had you two ever had sex, even just kissed, it would've ruined you friendship. He was obviously conflicted, and there was nothing you could've done about it. That's something people have to work out for themselves. Also, you've been with the same guy for nine years, so that must be love.
You would'nt be human if you did'nt have regrets, but just try to focus on the present and plan for the future with your partner. If there is one thing you can take away from this, it's that life can end at anytime for any of us. So try to make everyday count.

 

[oh-noo]

I'm sorry to hear that...

It's just so sad. I kind of know how you feel. I've loved this guy for thirteen or fourteen years. At the time, I just thought he was straight. Now, I am almost certain that he's gay because of all the things I hear about him. The thing is, he lives so close to me, about 15 minutes away, but I still can't get to him after thirteen years of dreaming :'( I don't want this to end with regrets. But there's nothing I can do about it. I regret it already that I believed he was straight. If I had known, I would've worked hard to get to him. I don't know if it's too late now. I guess there's still a tiny bit of hope. I'll just keep trying.

 

[Bruski-101]

I's a very hard time in your life now there are persons that understand!

 

[G-Lexington]

You literally have nothing to regret.

You made yourself available to him, and he turned you down. First physically, and then emotionally. You didn't live in this moment - you moved on, found yourself a loving guy, and are now partnered. That's precisely what you should've done.

To me, regret is the biggest regret. Far too many people live their lives walking backwards, thinking if only they had said this, or done that, or gone there, life would be so much better than it is now. Meanwhile, other opportunities and chances and wonderfulness is going on, but they don't see it because they're facing the wrong way.

There's nothing wrong with wondering "what if". But it should never overshadow wondering "now what".

Lex

 

[texan_slant]

"Coulda, woulda, shoulda" is that old adage of regret, however, it doesn't get you anywhere.

To have experienced love lost is better than not to have experienced it at all, and in some weird way, you loved each other, and you were lucky to have found out that he loved you in his lifetime - so honor and cherish his memory and his friendship as something really special. he wouldn't have wanted you to have a life wrought with regret. Don't push his memory away as he did with you when he was alive - that is the lesson learned.

 

[justndav]

Thanks guys for the support. My best lady friend that I have had for 20 years and I got together today and talked about it, she was friends with him as well. We just had a good remembering session. His funeral, unfortunately, is private and family isnt even having a visitation. I dont think his mom was terribly happy with his lifestyle so Im guessing thats why its private. I just have that feeling like I have literally lost such an important person from my life, and Im only 32. I guess you know you're starting to get old when this sort of thing happens. I am so very happy, in all honesty, to be with my partner for 9+ years. I only wish Iowa recognized civil unions as we'd be all for it. He is truly the love of my life, and I have no regrets about meeting him and being with him all these years and hopefully many more.
Having a friend die at my age makes you really realize how short life is.