Little Gay in the Big City; Meeting Guys in NY?

[hellomynameis]

Just looking for some insight from New Yorkers or anyone else who might be able to share some words of wisdom.

First of all, I feel kind of dumb asking about this. I feel as if it's like asking how hard it is to find Mormons in Utah. Anyway, a little about me.... I'm an 18 year senior in high school, living in suburbia, bored as hell. I'm really looking forward to going to college in new york city next year for so many reasons... and of course one of those reasons is to meet other gay guys, which I really haven't had the chance to do. So basically I just have some questions about what to expect.

18+ bars?
Obviously there's a lot of variety in terms of the scene at different gay bars, but 90% of them are off limits until I reach the drinking age. Out of the ones that are either 18+ or have 18+ nights, they all seem like pretty sleazy places. I'm just not into the anonymous sex thing, but that's what it feels like these people are trying to sell me. I don't know about anyone else but if I met a cool, hot guy I'd rather go out with him for dinner than have a one night stand and never see him again. Is my interpretation of these places accurate or is it possible to meet other guys who like to take it slow? If not where the hell am I supposed to be looking?

Casual Acquaintances?
The only time I've ever flirted in my life was not too long ago at an open house for Columbia University. I would check him out during the tour and he'd notice, he'd check me out and I'd notice. Finally they gathered everyone up in an auditorium. he sat next to me after I sat down, and after about an hour inching my foot closer to him, waiting for some presentation to end so I could say something, I asked him where he was from and we got a conversation going. Of course I was so buzzed from the experience I was foolish enough to let him walk away without exchanging contact info. The point of telling that story is to ask this; how often is it appropriate to just flirt with guys like that out in the real world? The only reason I had the confidence was I had hours to assess this guy, and if he didn't sit next to me like that I would have just thought it was all in my head.

It's probably too early to think about any of this crap, but like I said I'm so bored these days there's not much else for me to do but wonder about the future. Thoughts, input, tips, etc are all appreciated.

 

[hellomynameis]

Re: Little Gay in the Big City; Meeting Guys in NY

Hmm, I didn't really mean it in that way. You're right, I really don't give a crap if someone else doesn't approve. I meant more so in the context that they could be straight... but now that I think about it the question doesn't even make much sense I don't know, I guess the whole premise after being so "cut off" is very.... exciting

 

[grady26]

Re: Little Gay in the Big City; Meeting Guys in NY

In a city as large as New York, there will be multitiudes of gay organizations, and some of those who cater to younger gays who cannot go into bars until they are 21.

There will be at least one MCC church that will offer ways to interact with other gay men,

Also, if singing must might be your thing, I bet there is a gay men's choir in the Big Appl, a great place to make friends in a city new to you.

And I am not sure which college you are planning to attend, but most large campuses now have organizations the cater to gays.

You might try to get ahold of a New York gay publication that would identify sources that might be of interest to you.

Good luck on your new advenure.

 

[Zingerific]

Re: Little Gay in the Big City; Meeting Guys in NY

First of all, I feel kind of dumb asking about this.

Don't feel dumb! First, it's not a dumb question, and second, the only truly dumb thing to do is to not ask.

I lived in NYC back in the stone age ('99-'01) for grad school, and looking into a campus organization is a great idea; in fact, that's where I'd start. The helpful thing about it is that, unlike a club or a bar, you are guaranteed to have something in common with guys aside from being gay (which would also be true for any sort of organization focused on an interest or hobby like grady26 recommended).

Do you have any friends a year or two older than you who have also gone to NYC for school? That's always an easy way to meet people, and in a place like NYC, some of them are bound to be gay.

Are you a worrier? Seriously, though, I don't think you'll have much trouble at all. Maybe if you were going to Burkina Faso or Belarus there might be cause for concern, but I think you'll find it easier than you think to find kindred spirits -- if you show some initiative. Which frankly, you already have.

BTW, are you starting school in January (winter term or spring semester) or in August/September?

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: Little Gay in the Big City; Meeting Guys in NY

You won't find any problem meeting guys or flirting in the city. New Yorkers don't bat an eye at anything. And if you head down to Chelsea or the Village, you'll see lots of guys walking around holding hands or kssing in restaurants.

There's also no shortage of gay organizations in NYC. It's probably the one place where there's a group for just about anything you can imagine.

As for the clubs... at first it's a bit of a shock to see how aggressive guys are in NYC. But they know that if you meet someone you're attracted to, you might never get a second chance to meet them.

It's very easy to meet guys for one-night stands. Meeting guys for friendship or dating can be a little more of a challenge. New Yorkers are a bit more standoffish at first (especially in public places) but once you get to know them, you'll find that they value friends and companionship.

 

[hellomynameis]

Re: Little Gay in the Big City; Meeting Guys in NY

Don't feel dumb! First, it's not a dumb question, and second, the only truly dumb thing to do is to not ask.

I lived in NYC back in the stone age ('99-'01) for grad school, and looking into a campus organization is a great idea; in fact, that's where I'd start. The helpful thing about it is that, unlike a club or a bar, you are guaranteed to have something in common with guys aside from being gay (which would also be true for any sort of organization focused on an interest or hobby like grady26 recommended).

Do you have any friends a year or two older than you who have also gone to NYC for school? That's always an easy way to meet people, and in a place like NYC, some of them are bound to be gay.

Are you a worrier? Seriously, though, I don't think you'll have much trouble at all. Maybe if you were going to Burkina Faso or Belarus there might be cause for concern, but I think you'll find it easier than you think to find kindred spirits -- if you show some initiative. Which frankly, you already have.

BTW, are you starting school in January (winter term or spring semester) or in August/September?

I'll most likely be going to Polytechnic university in brooklyn. It's a small commuter school that specializes in science/engineering; 1900 undergrads and only 300 live on campus... Since the resident population is so small all of the clubs are academic or fraternities (no sororities though; 85% male student body xP). They're merging with NYU though so I'll be allowed to join most of their clubs, and they have 5 gay organizations.

and no, I have no friends who either live in or are planning to go to new york for college. Most people I know are interested in going to community college or state public universities. I'm jumping in alone even though it's only 30 minutes or so away from my hometown. I know I'll have no trouble making new friends though.

and yes I'm a worrier! People call me a pessimist but I tell them I'm a realistic optimist I'm not really worried though... I just like starting everything with a plan.

I'll be starting September 2009.

 

[Blueboy369]

Re: Little Gay in the Big City; Meeting Guys in NY

You are going to be like a kid in a candy store in New York. Here are a few links to help you along.

www.queenofnewyork.com
www.hx.com
www.nextmagazine.net

Enjoy!