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Long Distance Relationship help.

P

pumpyt

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I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 8 months. And things have been great until recently. He joined the army a long time ago. And it was hard, but it seemed like we were doing really well. But now, it just seems like he's lost all intrest in me. He spends hours on his computer playing games. And when I try to get a shred of attention from him, he gets annoyed with me. And at night when I try to be intimate with him, he gets annoyed. We used to fuck like rabbits twice a day. He's been here a week and we've only had sex twice. And I don't know how to fix it. I invite him to hang out with my friends, but he'd rather play his game. I try to lay video games with him, but he'd rather play his computer without me. And I try everything to arouse his passion for me, but I GET NOTHING!. I wear the stupid little thong he likes and he doesn't care. I rub his feet and back and I get nothing. We drink wine and watch a movie together, then he goes to bed before it even finishes. I climb into bed and give him a blowjob, then he rolls over and goes to sleep without any kind of reciprocation. And yeah, he's here for a month this trip home. But I've been watching him play video games for a week of it already. And he's going off somewhere with his family for christmas. So really we only have two weeks left. I dunno. It hurts my feelings that he seems to be losing all intrest in me. Emotionally and physically. And I tell him and he gets annoyed with me and says "dude, we have a whole month together." Or he says nothing at all. I just don't want to lose him. I love him with everything I have. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Sounds as if he may be looking for a way out. He may have had time while away to rethink were he wants to b/go. And it sounds as if it is not with you.

So it sounds like a very good talk is in order and see what each other wants. Before this lingers more the wrong way it may be time to move on. As bad as that sounds you cant be in a one sided relationship.

So have your talk and ask the right questions and find out whats up. It may just be he has fallen out of love with you and it is time for both to move on.

Hope it works out for you..
 
He is pushing you away---and frankly why would you want to be in this kind of relationship.
 
Tell him you need to talk. Tell him how you feel.

I totally understand why you are worried. Being with him over 3 years, Im sure your deeply in love with him.

Tell him you need to talk, I wish you the best but keep in mind, Not all things last forever.

Good Luck!


-Matthew
 
There's something going on with your boyfriend.

He has an addiction. There is a whole group of gaming addicts who sacrifice sleep, sex, work, food and the basic necessities of life in order to sit in front of a screen and play games.

It's a severe impulse disorder and it is an addiction that is very hard to break.

Out of curiosity, when did his addiction start? You said he was in the military- did he serve in combat or was he on base?
 
Just curious, what game is it?

You better not say World of Warcraft..
 
to be fair, one week of us not being happily together is not worth abandoning everything we share. I'm just really frustrated now and needed a place to vent. Our relationship is not always like this. So it's not worth giving up on yet.
 
To me, it sounds like he's depressed. The incessant game-playing is a distraction.

He probably needs professional help. You could try to drill down underneath the cold feelings to see what's bothering him, but it could be tricky (and perceived as annoying). What I'd be looking for is hidden anger, resentment, fear, or some other negative emotion.

He's home for a month? On leave? Then, what? Back to a war zone? Something else?

I wouldn't give up on him or your relationship. I have a feeling that what's going on is probably not about you. Having said that, you deserve answers and respect too and not be held in some kind of mysterious limbo with him.

Good luck. I hope this works out. (*8*)
 
pumpyt said:
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 8 months. And things have been great until recently. He joined the army a long time ago. And it was hard, but it seemed like we were doing really well. But now, it just seems like he's lost all intrest in me. He spends hours on his computer playing games. And when I try to get a shred of attention from him, he gets annoyed with me. And at night when I try to be intimate with him, he gets annoyed. We used to fuck like rabbits twice a day. He's been here a week and we've only had sex twice. And I don't know how to fix it. I invite him to hang out with my friends, but he'd rather play his game. I try to lay video games with him, but he'd rather play his computer without me. And I try everything to arouse his passion for me, but I GET NOTHING!. I wear the stupid little thong he likes and he doesn't care. I rub his feet and back and I get nothing. We drink wine and watch a movie together, then he goes to bed before it even finishes. I climb into bed and give him a blowjob, then he rolls over and goes to sleep without any kind of reciprocation. And yeah, he's here for a month this trip home. But I've been watching him play video games for a week of it already. And he's going off somewhere with his family for christmas. So really we only have two weeks left. I dunno. It hurts my feelings that he seems to be losing all intrest in me. Emotionally and physically. And I tell him and he gets annoyed with me and says "dude, we have a whole month together." Or he says nothing at all. I just don't want to lose him. I love him with everything I have. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

Watch Brandy's new video "Long Distance" It's a great song I hope it helps...
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCfouqWRLdY[/ame]
 
^^OMG. I love that song, as well as Right Here (Departed). I know Brandy is not the subject of this discuss, but I couldn't help myself. Anyway, the song may help.
 
jjmc said:
^^OMG. I love that song, as well as Right Here (Departed). I know Brandy is not the subject of this discuss, but I couldn't help myself. Anyway, the song may help.
Click to expand...

Yeah man I like it too, what I get from this song is that even though they are apart they both are accepting there current situation for what it is, but it's not gonna stop her from loving him.
 
smontfort said:
Not all compulsions, especially playing video games, count as an addiction.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7746471.stm
Click to expand...

Not to get too far off track but this article- while interesting- is a bit jumbled.

Addictions are not compulsion disorders, they are impulse disorders. A compulsion is something that a person does that they don't particularly derive pleasure from. For example, plucking one's hair out is a compulsion because it's not something that the person wishes to do. An impulse has pleasure associated with it- like drugs, alcohol and gaming. It's something that is done for pleasure but that the person has lost perspective on and control over.

The article makes a distinction between gamers under 18 years old who have poor social skills versus an adult who is choosing video games over other things that give them pleasure.

From the BBC article.

But he is quick to point out that 87% of online gamers are over the age of 18 - and once they cross that line, help is something they need to seek for themselves because parents no longer have the legal right to intervene.
Click to expand...


The reason I believe this to be an impulse disorder is OP's comments about this guy is not only socially withdrawn but he's choosing gaming over things that previously were enjoyable to him (see quote below).

However, it's fair to say that gaming addiction this is probably a symptom of another underlying problem. And it may require intervention and therapy to get to that underlying cause.

pumpyt said:
And I don't know how to fix it. I invite him to hang out with my friends, but he'd rather play his game. I try to lay video games with him, but he'd rather play his computer without me. And I try everything to arouse his passion for me, but I GET NOTHING!. I wear the stupid little thong he likes and he doesn't care. I rub his feet and back and I get nothing. We drink wine and watch a movie together, then he goes to bed before it even finishes. I climb into bed and give him a blowjob, then he rolls over and goes to sleep without any kind of reciprocation.
Click to expand...
 
There are a bunch of things that could explain his behavior. Here's a few that come to mind.

1) He's lost interest in the relationship and doesn't know how to tell you.

2) He's cheated on you and feels guilty.

3) If you was in a war zone, it may be PTSD.

4) He's depressed.

5) Being back home is a big adjustment. He's just withdrawing because he's having such a hard time accepting how much things have changed.

6) He may holding back so that it won't be so bad when he leaves. Sort of a defense mechanism.

7) Taking a month of leave all at once seems like a lot. Is there a reason? Could it be something that he commander mandated? In other words, does he have some type of job related issue that he's too embarrassed to talk about?

You can guess all day, but the best thing to do is have a heart to heart with him. If he's open and honest with you and it doesn't lead to any answers, I would lean toward him being depressed. The good news is that most of the reasons I thought of don't directly involve your relationship.
 
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