"Long distance" turned "moved in together" turning "long distance" again...

[BensonhurstBri]

Hey all...long story short. Been with my guy for almost three years...I lived in Brooklyn(still do), he lived in Texas. We met online, had feelings for each other rather quickly and less than 5 months later he moved to NY to be with me. In the beginning it took some adjusting(finances, insecurities, how we both lived, etc) and we had our ups and downs. We have grown into the relationship quite nicely, despite an argument here and there.

The finances just started to get get better for us recently which helped a lot. He had an opportunity to go to Chicago to play basketball for them(hes excellent at it you see) and to move there but ultimately turned it down because he would have to hide his lifestyle and who he is and he decided that would be too stressful. It did get him to think about his education though and he decided that he wants to go back to Texas and get an education/nursing degree. He also misses home and his family a lot and that is also a factor.

I have told him that I 100% support whatever decision he wants to make, especially furthering and finishing his education and being near his family. I would never stand in the way of that. Thing is, this is my first relationship and the thought of being in a LDR seems daunting. The pros would be I would enjoy my alone time and the chance to finally travel more but seeing him here and there for two years makes me worried a little. Ive never gone through this really before. In the beginning the long distance was more ok because it was the honeymoon phase and things were exciting and new...I just worry that the distance, no matter how much we love each other, will take its toll..

I have asked friends about this and they say its cool that I am so supportive and not standing in his way and I am. I just have to take this one day at a time I guess and see where it goes. I have no problem whatsoever with being monogomous and having less sex because of the distance. They also ask why cant he do his education here and his answer for that is too many distractions. Personally I think he just misses home, which is understandable. Am I taking the right route or am I just naive to think that we can last through these years to come?

P.S.-And I do really 100% support him with no alterior motives or feelings. I mean he is 10 years younger than I and still finding his place. I know how I was at that time, so I can and wont ever stand in the way of him finding himself in life, even if that means potentially letting the relationship go down the line...

 

[edluver]

are u Italian ? I know Bensonhurst is a big Italian area.
I am Italian from the Bronx and Yonkers. I live in Maryland now.

 

[Seasoned]

You have the right attitude towards the relationship and his goals. Be supportive of him as he moves back. He may just find, once he does that, that he misses you more than he thought he missed his family. If not, as you already know, you may grow emotionally apart. Have some good, long talks about all of this with him. What are your plans for seeing each other while he's in school?

 

[bankside]

Why wouldn't you move with him again? He did it; now it's your turn..

 

[BensonhurstBri]

EdLuver-I am Italian and Irish

Seasoned-This will give me an excuse to travel more, especially to Texas. Give me a chance to get to know his family and his home state...been there a few times already for him in the beginning, and I liked it.

Bankside-Good and valid point, one which I have/had thought about already and discussed it with him in the past. He doesnt want to end up for good in Texas and to be honest I do have to finish some schooling here myself. Going down there now will require me to take a severe paycut and he said he doesnt want me to do that. I/we live rent free here in Brooklyn...it would make sense financially and for saving for us in the future for me to be here for the time being...I do have the desire and the wish to move out of NYC to another state. We talked Florida or Atlanta/Carolinas...

 

[Musik2400]

Why wouldn't you move with him again? He did it; now it's your turn..

This was my thought... If you're worried about a LDR, why not go together? I'm sure you'd be able to find work somewhere while he's in school. Plus you could meet his family lol.

 

[KaraBulut]

Go with him on the first trip when he moves. Take some time, decide if you like it. Come back during the summer, see if you can stand the heat.

Make a decision in a few months whether you want to relocate and what the job options are for you. The cost of living in the South is much less than in NY. But if you're used to a big city, it can be a difficult adjustment.

 

[backpacker]

My first thought is that he is not as into you as you are into him. Then I all of sudden realized that you are LostVegas. Given the issues you have had in the past, I would advise you to let him move back to Texas and see how things go. Do not loan him any money! No matter how much he needs it for school or whatever. I don't know if that is an issue this time, I'm just warning you not to complicate the relationship with this time. If you loan him money, it will probably be the end of the relationship. It's that simple. Also, if you end up being his sugar daddy, you will never know if he's with you for you or the money.

Be emotionally supportive of him going back to school. Go visit him and see where things go. You have a big heart and that sometimes clouds your judgment. Try to look at things objectively and listen to what your friends have to say. If you are still seeing your therapist, I suggest you discuss the situation in one of your sessions. If you aren't seeing the therapist, it may be a good time to go back and get a little help to deal with this new situation.

I wish you all the best. I'm sorry my advice isn't what you want to hear. I'm just trying to help you avoid major issues like you had before. You have made tremendous progress and I want to see you continue that. Good luck!

 

[BensonhurstBri]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I do plan on going out with him and to see him several times this summer or whenever he decides to go. No suga daddy here, or at least anymore. He pulls his weight at a bar bringing in at least 2 hundred a night on a good night so thats helping. Wont be paying for anyones college...but will support him 100% in every other way possible. I plan on getting to know his family more and Texas more. Like I said been down there twice and liked it...

As far as me moving there or anywhere else I have things to think about. I want to eventually move but I live near two aging parents and my other brothers have moved away so thats a concern. And I have to get nationally certified in the next few months and take like 30 more credits and Im good to go professionally.

Backpacker seems like we are in the gay witness protection program with our names lol. But all the adivce you gave me I was ready to hear, I have changed a lot and grown from the LostVegas days and even have grown a lot in this relationship. I always told myself if this ends it will end amicably as I have also learned and grown a lot from being with him...I would be heartbroken but I am keenly aware of that possiblity that this might happen

 

[backpacker]

^ Your update has shown how far you have come. You seem to have a good prospective on the situation. Good luck and keep us updated.