Looking for some help

[Seasoned]

I don't know your story but I would suggest two things: tell your friend and find ways of making friends. One close friend is nice, but, by widening your circle, you remove your dependence on him to be your only shoulder. If he's all you have you run the risk over relying on him. While not physical it could be interpreted as an emotional relationship, which could prove to be too much for a non-spouse. Do you need suggestions for finding gay friends?

 

[Lube]

Relax. You're not a prick.

This is easier than most, as you're not in love with him. So coming out has no real consequences if he's as open-minded as you think he is. And if he's trying to protect you, he probably knows. (See my siggie: telling people you're out is not the same thing as them knowing They often know ahead of time, just as you suspect).

I told a close straight friend of mine (he was the first straight person I told) and he has been 100% OK with it. Still one of my very best friends.

But as soreknees said, you need to expand your circle of friends. One of my blog posts talks about finding a guy, but it could just as easily be used to find (gay) friends.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[thewiz]

I suspect, given his jumping in to the one conversation, that he already knows, despite you not telling him. As was stated by a poster -- this is easier in that you are not in love with him or somehow secretly hoping that you'll become a couple.

From my standpoint, I find it refreshing to talk to younger people and their comfort level with being gay, bi, whatever. I had a hard decision to make after I came out in June 2005: how do I tell my two kids who were in college and just finishing senior year of high school?

In one case, my son's girlfriend said she knew the minute she met me -- which was about two hours before I worked up the courage to tell them over dinner. He had some questions but no problem. In my daughter's case, she and a friend had come to visit and some of my friends came to visit. When I returned from the bathroom, my daughter and her friend were showing me the gay guys in their class and said how cute they were and I should meet them!

My son just got married about a month ago. I was sitting in a pub after the wedding with a bunch of his frat brothers and many of the girls he went to college with. They were all supporting my decision and told me how they assumed my (ex) wife was dead because my son never talked about his mom; only me. Of course, all of my son's friends (male and female) had "a friend who was gay" that they wanted me to meet when I next come back to Michigan to visit! lol! My partner might have a problem with that!

I would find some time when you two can talk. Tell him how important the friendship is and stress it is friendship and not something else. Explain your conflicts and need to talk to someone about your deepest feelings. I am guessing he knows already.....

 

[G-Lexington]

Should you tell him? I'd say yes. I'd say it's possible/probable he knows. Take him out to lunch or coffee or something. Find a somewhat secluded tale, and tell him what's on your mind. I think that, rather than simply making it a "OMG I'M GAY" sort of thing, you can put it in context. You're feeling depressed, you're not sure what's causing it, it might be because you're still in the closet, but whatever it is, you'd like him to be there for you if you need a friendly ear.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Hardly a prick m'dear.

Just worried that you might lose a friend.

I think he knows and is just waiting for you to confide in him.

Which you could do. As well as telling him that while you may love him as a friend, your interest isn't in him as a sexual partner.

I think he'll continue to love you too.

And help you through the depression.

For which, by the way, you should see your family doc.

Okey dokey?

 

[Chris1984]

I remember how hard it was when I came out. It gets easier after the first one, and becomes quite addicting. I would say tell him. I think he already knows, and like someone said is just waiting on you to confide, when it is comfortable for you to do so. One of the first straight friends I told (male friend, told a few female friends before him) was a guy I had known for years. He had dated my aunt, and we worked together. I told him, and it was as if nothing had changed. We made jokes about the girls in the bar, and everything was fine. I have found in my personal experiences that real friends become closer once you show you trust them enough with this huge secret, and rightfully so. Hope all goes well, would be very interested to see how your weekend goes

 

[spencer]

If you're close to him, he'll take it well. Especially if you're the kind of close that you feel it in your heart with him and you can talk to him about feelings and stuff.

It's only the guys that suck at showing emotion and have all that macho bs that will react. But since you're best friends and hang out and talk about most everything, it should just be a formality, IMO.

 

[Lube]

I know I should expand my circle of friends. But, I don't know how to explain it properly (I'm from Spain, English isn't my native language). One day I was studying in my university's library, when I realized a guy was looking at me. I don't know if he was gay or not, but I started sweating, because I didn't want him to think I was gay, so I took my stuff and left the library. I guess this happens to me because I still in the closet.

I have a lot of pain inside me. I grew up in a family where my dad's only wish was not to have a gay son, and my older brother used the spanish f word (I mean, faggot, in spanish "maricón") all day long. Luckily, my brother is finishing his studies in other city and he already lives with his girlfriend, so my everyday is less stressful since he left.

Growing up like this made me how I am today, introvert, shy... It's hard to me to talk to people I don't know, I mean, really hard, and of course, the direct consequence of my own life has been the depression I'm going through. The "funny" part of this, I have to pretend in my own house and with my own parents that my life is great, and I'm happy. I wake up and I only want to cry, and stay at home. My parents, instead of asking me if I'm all right, the tell me all day long I'm so weird. And that's basically my life.

That's why I need someone to talk to, I think it will be really helpful. Anyway sorry, I don't want to bore anyone with my problems.

Oh, you poor thing!

You do need a friend to talk to. Hopefully this friend will be it; it sounds like he is.

And don't worry about unloading your life/problems here. That's what we're here for. I know JUBbers helped me immensely when I was coming out. Like you, I (thought) I had no one to talk to. My first 3 months of getting to accept myself, I only had JUBbers to talk to--in the forums and PMs and e-mails and phone calls. It made it so much easier to talk to others.

It sounds like you live with your parents. And it sounds like they suspect something, being that they call your life weird. Your father does sound rather homophobic; it's hard to say whether he'd come around or not.

Are you living at home or on campus? How much longer before you graduate? In a homophobic family, it's easiest to come out when you're physically & financially independent.

Are your parents tied to your university in any way? Could you be out at school and in the closet at home? Do they have a GLBT student group?

It sounds like you really do need someone to talk to. Good luck, and report back on your progress.

 

[spencer]

Of course he's ready to have a gay guy as his best friend, because he already does