"losing Interest" - What To Do?

[PR1NC3]

Hello fellow JUBers! I am in desperate need of some advice -- asap!

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and two months. Last night, he surprised me by informing me he wanted to break off our relationship and go our separate ways. He said he has been losing interest and no longer wants to continue with this relationship. However, although things have been up and down throughout the year, I absolutely love this guy!!


In the past few weeks, we have had some problems, and adding them all up together makes him want to call it quits. He says there is a lack of trust and honesty between us, and this prevents him from feeling that he can 100% be himself, carefree, and truly let his guard down with me.

I think part of this has to do with the dynamics of our relationship - in the past 14 months, he has always been the top and I the bottom. I believe this is posing some limitation in our relationship and causing him to feel that fear to let his guard completely down to me.


We talked last night for about two hours, but I cannot seem to get it through his head how badly I want to work on things and make things work (although we have had stupid arguments and forgive, forget, the following day). Convincing him is nowhere as easy as I thought it would be.. Any ideas/suggestions you guys have regarding our relationship or what I should/can do from this point forward would be great!!

Love y'all.

 

[TX-Beau]

SUGAR, if he's got one foot out the door like that, he's going to leave - even if you can convince him to stick around awhile longer.

The question you should be asking, is if it's a good idea to pull out all the stops to get him to stay.


I don't see what who bottoms has to do with it, care to elaborate?

 

[PR1NC3]

I don't see what who bottoms has to do with it, care to elaborate?

In his past relationship (which lasted 6 years), he was 90% the bottom with his partner. I believe he looks at this sexually as a way of "giving yourself" to someone, letting your guard down, and throwing your entire body and soul out there for the other person's pleasure. Because we have never broke this "barrier," I think he sees it as a limitation in our relationship and a "wall" he has up against me preventing him to feel COMPLETELY comfortable in our relationship and have the freedom to be himself, 100%.

 

[Seasoned]

Some relationships are based on top/bottom roles and whatever works is fine, but as society becomes more accepting and understanding of homosexuality I hope we gays move towards more versatility. I mean, a lot of us don't take full advantage of being gay.

We might have our preferences and fall back positions, but what's wrong with learning to top?

And what's wrong with communicating? I mean, really. A guy can fuck someone for over two years and yet not express concerns until his mind is made up to leave? If this does end, and I hope he's willing to try communicating and perhaps couple's counseling, look for people who talk and perhaps even over talk. I'm quiet by nature and my partner is an over talker. It used to drive me nuts, but over the years I've learned to keep up and we've been together 28 years, something that wouldn't have happened if I held everything in.

Say what you need to say to convey your anger and saddness that he brought none of this to you. Relationships are work ever after, not happy ever after without any effort.

 

[ccaopd]

In his past relationship (which lasted 6 years), he was 90% the bottom with his partner. I believe he looks at this sexually as a way of "giving yourself" to someone, letting your guard down, and throwing your entire body and soul out there for the other person's pleasure.

If you think that he feels this way, why have you never topped? I get it might not be your thing, but from the sounds of it, he enjoys bottoming, and he completely sacrificed that in your relationship. Why do you sacrifice bottoming and let him bottom? That might help him "let his guard down".

 

[rareboy]

Hmm.

It isn't about who's on top. And if that is the make or break issue in your relationship, then it doesn't go very deep

I have to agree that when one party in a relationship feels that the time has come to call it quits, the best thing you can do is let them go without a fight. Even if it is only to give them some time to sort things out.

 

[anchihiro]

You can't force someone to love you, let him go.

 

[racer2438]

Has someone done something to make a trust problem?

If you don't communicate well then that is part of the issue. For someone to just pull the plug on someone with out them even knowing about it there is something going on.

He may have already made his mind up and there may be nothing you can do about it.

But that should not stop you from at least trying and getting some answers so that at least you will know. But if you both don't talk it out and be truthfull/honest and lay it all out, you guy's will not know what the issues are and where to start to try to rebuild.

being the top/bottom to me should have nothing to do with it, but have you asked why he would bottom if he use to b4? Or why do you think he topped b4 and now will not.

My honey and I have been together for 27yrs now and we had some ups/down as any couple will. But our foundation started and has always been trust/communication with out this there can never be a good foundation to build the rest of the LTR with. It like using sandstone rocks instead of granite rocks, they tend to crumble over time and elements and granite will be there for yrs.

In the end he may leave and you can't force him to stay and make both of you miserable, that's not fair to him or you and you should just both go your own way if that's what ends up happiening, but i think you should know the reason/s. Hope you can work things out--wish you luck.

 

[mbamike]

It sounds to me that your boyfriend has made up his mind to leave already. So, there is nothing you can do to salvage this relationship other than to tell him good bye and wish him the best in life. It takes two to have a relationship.

After a few weeks of mourning, you will be back out there finding another guy. It is just apart of life. I wish you the best.