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Losing Time

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fbhwes

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I actually only recently accepted my sexuality ,i feel like i'm losing time at the age of 44 it feels like i have waited forever to come clean about myself. My family (what's left of it) do not know that i am gay. If i thought i had at least one member i could trust i would but i know that i don't they,ve all proven that over and over again. My life as it happens is way to involved with theirs. I live with my brother and his family because i just don't make enough to live on my own. Most of what i make goes to pay debt and to live and the rest i pay to them as rent because it's what i can afford. The reason i'm in such debt is too long of a story to go into here. All i've ever been tought from a young age was to work and give and not ever take anything for yourself. That attitude is what drove my family the entire time i was growing up and for some of us like myself it carried over into adulthood. I am working on changing everything about my life right now . I'm gonna try going back to school and maybe make a career change if i can. I'm even hoping one day i'll meet someone who'll understand all the junk i went through to get to him. I guess i just want to know there is hope for me .
 
There is hope for you, but I think we all know that independence is attractive, as is being out to your family. The fact that you are taking steps to improve your life bodes well and I think would be a plus to any guy that was interested in you. I think counseling might be a good idea as well.

Good luck!
 
There's definitely hope for you, because you HAVE hope. You're formulating a plan, and working on implementing that plan. And the further you go along that path, the more hope and confidence you'll acquire. :)

Lex
 
I've been where you are at. I share a house with my mom and brother because it's the only way we can all survive this economy. Except that I finally came out to my family last year at 45. It went well, I didn't think it would. It was a HUGE load of my shoulders. My health and attitude began to immediately improve. I even lost weight, without trying.

Life DID get better, for sure. But it also didn't turn into the ideal of meeting the love of my life, etc. I'm having to work on that. I often feel that I blew it. But there are lots of people out there proving me wrong, so yes, there's hope.

But yes, at some point you HAVE to come clean with yourself and your family if you expect to be truly free.
 
There's much hope for you. I used to work at a phone gay/lesbian hotline and many of the calls we got were from men in their early 40's who were coming out to themselves, and very confused about the future and their families and everyone around them who meant anything to them. Many of them were married, and faced many complications with that--one problem you don't have.

What's good about your post is that you are figuring yourself out and have some concrete plans to right your situation--get out of debt, obtain additional skills, perhaps change careers, and get out on your own. You have the time, and you have the drive. That's a perfect combination.

I know you're in a daze right now, and probably feeling kind of overwhelmed. Not to be trite, but take it "one day at a time" and bite off only as much as you can chew at any given time. It will all come together for you and you will not only get this figured out, but you'll move on and find someone who loves the man you are.

Good luck--and keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. (*8*)
 
Audio Tech said:
I've been where you are at. I share a house with my mom and brother because it's the only way we can all survive this economy. Except that I finally came out to my family last year at 45. It went well, I didn't think it would. It was a HUGE load of my shoulders. My health and attitude began to immediately improve. I even lost weight, without trying.

Life DID get better, for sure. But it also didn't turn into the ideal of meeting the love of my life, etc. I'm having to work on that. I often feel that I blew it. But there are lots of people out there proving me wrong, so yes, there's hope.

But yes, at some point you HAVE to come clean with yourself and your family if you expect to be truly free.
Click to expand...

I want to thank you all for the words of encouragement . The one thing i never do is give up so i will keep working on what i'm doing and enjoying any improvements in my situation that i see.
I do feel overwhelmed sometimes because it seems like so much to overcome and like the advice above states. I get frustrated because i'd like to see things move more swiftly.
It's funny you mention your health and weight because and i know this is something that alot of people struggle with but it was also something that happened to me. Once i started to make all these changes it was just a natural progression to only think more about myself and how i looked and how i felt. Subconciously i was thinking how could i ever expect someone to care for me if i didn't care for myself. I have lost 53 lbs in the last 6 months and am hoping to lose another 50 or so.
 
When you first started losing weight, it seemed like an impossible task, didn't it? Each day, you might have lost half a pound or so. And you might have thought "what's the point?" But you knew you weren't really doing it for current-you. You were doing it for future-you. So that future-you would feel better about himself. I also lost 50 lbs, and I keep looking back at past-me and thanking him profusely for sticking with it.

And it's the same deal with your other issues. Things won't change tomorrow. But eventually, in the future, you'll be in that better place. And future-you won't be able to thank present-you enough. :)

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
When you first started losing weight, it seemed like an impossible task, didn't it? Each day, you might have lost half a pound or so. And you might have thought "what's the point?" But you knew you weren't really doing it for current-you. You were doing it for future-you. So that future-you would feel better about himself. I also lost 50 lbs, and I keep looking back at past-me and thanking him profusely for sticking with it.

And it's the same deal with your other issues. Things won't change tomorrow. But eventually, in the future, you'll be in that better place. And future-you won't be able to thank present-you enough. :)

Lex
Click to expand...
It's all so very true and that's why i'll keep going forward . No matter where i'm going it's bound to be better than where i've been.
 
As they say, it's never too late to fall in love.

It's also never too late to slut yourself out to a bunch of guys who are into older men. Your call.
 
I thought I was the World's Oldest Gay Virgin when I got divorced and came out of denial at 43. But I've since learned that men in their 50's 60's, and 70's do it all the time!

Grab this opportunity!!!!! Carpe diem!! I've had the best 4 years of my life!

And it really sounds like you are getting your life together. Congrats!
 
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