Lost....

[redheadsrthebest]

OK this is hard to explain, and I dont want any lectures, I am looking for advice and all...

I am married have been for 15 years. I have been bi-sexual all my life and of course no one knows. I met a man about 1 year ago and he is also married and bi. We hook up now about 1x or 2x a week. This is were the problem starts, I am finding myself more and more satisfied with having sex with a man. I am a bottom and I am starting to really enjoy it and getting a lot of satisfaction from him. The only thing I miss is he wont kiss, and we wont return the favor oral. But I can live with that for now, but would like to get that change, but he wont budge rightnow. I love my wife to death but sexually its just not there anymore. I cant imagine living my life without her. I want to be with a man fulltime but I also love my wife. But for me to be with a man fulltime (if I could leave my wife) I need someone who likes to give oral and kiss, the effectionate part of a partnership. I am not the best looking guy, and I was lucky to find this one because he accepted me for who I am. I am not well endowed, kinda small like 4", but I am a bottom and he says it doesnt matter. Also I am on the chunky side so that is strike 2! It seems like men are only worried about size and looks and not whats on the inside of someone. He makes the comments to me that having sex with me is better than sex with his wife. I am completely lost and do not know what to do anymore......

 

[Rolyo85]

First of all, generalizing what "men" are only worried about is disastrously unfair. There are as many different types of men as there are men, same as with women.

However, you are living a double life, and that's unfair to both you and your wife, not to mention, psychologically unhealthy. Plus, you're cheating, but you asked for no judgment, so I'm just gonna ignore that for now. You need to sit down and think real hard about what you want for yourself.

Looks are unimportant. There is someone for everyone out there, no matter how you look. This is not an issue, or shouldn't be when you decide how you want to live your life. If you don't see a future with your wife, maybe it's time you part ways, even if you really love her. She will have sensed something's wrong anyway...

As for the other guy, he doesn't sound like a quality person. The non-kissing policy speaks of humongous issues, and honestly, the problem isn't in any specific sexual thing he does or doesn't do, but what his refusal means. People who don't kiss either have some serious internal conflict and will wreck you emotionally, or think kissing is something super intimate, which would tell you that you are not taking a position in his life that you would be satisfied with.

Either way, I would not keep doing what you're doing for much longer. It doesn't sound healthy, involves a lot of cheating and potentially hurting a lot of people, and it does nothing for your confidence either.

So, like I said, sit down and think. And then make a decision and live with it.

 

[Seasoned]

Some people don't kiss because they think it's an acknowledgment of being gay or that it crosses a line with regards to showing affection for someone other than a spouse. Have you asked him why he doesn't kiss or suck

When I was married and cheating I justified it by splitting myself in two. It was pure rationalization, but worked for awhile. I don't regard those years as the best of my life, but the experience forces me never to fault someone who is cheating. The problems with it, however, are obvious. People can get killed. Extreme? Yes, but it does happen as do STDs.

The pull between being married to your wife and wanting a male partner will only grow over time. Now is the time to find a good therapist. You have some issues to sort out.

As I've been where you are and with two young children at the time I know from whence I speak. I also wish you well. PM me anytime.

 

[redheadsrthebest]

Some people don't kiss because they think it's an acknowledgment of being gay or that it crosses a line with regards to showing affection for someone other than a spouse. Have you asked him why he doesn't kiss or suck

When I was married and cheating I justified it by splitting myself in two. It was pure rationalization, but worked for awhile. I don't regard those years as the best of my life, but the experience forces me never to fault someone who is cheating. The problems with it, however, are obvious. People can get killed. Extreme? Yes, but it does happen as do STDs.

The pull between being married to your wife and wanting a male partner will only grow over time. Now is the time to find a good therapist. You have some issues to sort out.

As I've been where you are and with two young children at the time I know from whence I speak. I also wish you well. PM me anytime.

Thank you for not lecturing me, I will send you a PM, have some questions

 

[redheadsrthebest]

Putting bigger issue out of picture... you sound youd just need to find aother male fuck buddy whos into what youre after.

Also yove got a wife and a current fuck buddy who find you attractive and sexy enough t want you,so dont worry about your looks.

Thank you I am flattered

 

[DragOneON]

OK this is hard to explain, and I dont want any lectures, I am looking for advice and all...

I am married have been for 15 years. I have been bi-sexual all my life and of course no one knows. I met a man about 1 year ago and he is also married and bi. We hook up now about 1x or 2x a week. This is were the problem starts, I am finding myself more and more satisfied with having sex with a man. I am a bottom and I am starting to really enjoy it and getting a lot of satisfaction from him. The only thing I miss is he wont kiss, and we wont return the favor oral. But I can live with that for now, but would like to get that change, but he wont budge rightnow. I love my wife to death but sexually its just not there anymore. I cant imagine living my life without her. I want to be with a man fulltime but I also love my wife. But for me to be with a man fulltime (if I could leave my wife) I need someone who likes to give oral and kiss, the effectionate part of a partnership. I am not the best looking guy, and I was lucky to find this one because he accepted me for who I am. I am not well endowed, kinda small like 4", but I am a bottom and he says it doesnt matter. Also I am on the chunky side so that is strike 2! It seems like men are only worried about size and looks and not whats on the inside of someone. He makes the comments to me that having sex with me is better than sex with his wife. I am completely lost and do not know what to do anymore......

Honestly, neither of you are being fair to your SO's. I'm bi and have been in a previous relationship devoid of intimacy. It doesn't give anyone the right to cheat without talking to their partner about what is wrong. I'm currently married and out to my wife. While I have an open marriage, I've never taken advantage of that.

I realize that my wife is a rare person.

However, you're being completely untrue to your wife and YOURSELF.

Think about what you said - " It seems like men are only worried about size and looks and not whats on the inside of someone". Seems like you both have wives who are concerned with mostly what's inside of you, and not what you do in bed. I realize you specified men, but you also claim to love your wife.

Honestly, I believe that we all have a right to physical intimacy with our partner. I think withholding physical intimacy, or neglecting you partner is enough to justify seeking something outside of the relationship- AFTER you have addressed the issue with you SO.

Just my .02.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Since you are already in this situation, I agree, there is no reason to give you a hard time about it. Moving forward, here is what I have to offer.

You claim you cannot live without your wife, yet the conflict you bring before us is one of wanting a man who can love and be affectionate with you. As you said, you are finding yourself wanting to be with a man more, therefore, if the ideal conditions presented itself, you would be willing to leave your wife.

Ultimately, I believe this is what is going to happen. Either your wife will find out, or you will make that decision.

You know you love your wife, and that she is, in all technical purposes, the most important person in your life still. For someone that valuable and meaningful to you, I believe you owe her the truth to what is happening. I am not advocating you tell her at this moment, but you do need to decide when you are going to accept the consequences of your actions. By divorcing your wife and coming out, you will allow yourself the opportunity to meet a man who will provide for you love and affection. I know you have self-esteem issues, but there are all types of men out there. If you can love someone who is yourself, there is a man out there who can love you back.

 

[Kabluey]

I get where you're coming from, it's a big chunk of why I've never committed to a long term relationship with a woman. It's the thought that I would probably not be able to resist an offer from the right guy.
Messes with my head.

 

[cocksucker4use]

Frankly, I would just accept it for what it is, and ride it out, so to speak. I was seeing a hella handsome guy, unhappily married and we were pretty frequent fuck buds. Like you I am a bottom, even a sub bottom, and he is a strict top, even a dom top. He started talkin about LOVE, and I confessed I had loved him since the first moment...but then his wife found an email, and he totally freaked, became her lap dog, and shut me out for like 18 months...until one day the call and we started all over again. I never got over the rejection, and his anxiety/paranoia about her finding out again (this would be "discovery" 5 for her by now) which were annoying became unbearable and haven't seen him in mebbe a year. Appreciate the sex and your time with hime for what it is, while he's around. If you're happy at home, stay there.