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Love is cruel

D

daniel23

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Hey long time reader first time poster so here is my issue.

I have been in love with my best friend for about 2 years and we have been friends for 6. He has had 2 girlfriends both long term relationships and is dating this girl now for close to 2 years. About 6 months ago we went out to a couple of bars and came back to my place. He then made moves on me which i was so suprised we ended up having sex for about 5 hours. He then always acted like nothing happend but occasionally would get text messages "what was your faviourite part of our night" stuff like that. So i decided to tell him how i felt in a letter as he could not interupt me and my feelings where all out there for him to decide what he wanted. He told me he just didnt feel that way towards guys. Which i found abit hard to believe so i let it go. On the weekend we went away together and had sex twice once drunk and once sober. He told me im the only guy he had ever been with. I feel bad for his girlfriend but i really want to be with him more than anything. I dont no how to play this situation any more. If im to upfront it freaks him out. Just wanted to get your guys opion on the situation because no one really knows about this except my best girlfriend and she isnt really that helpful and no one besides her knows im bi/gay
 
Sounds like he's not ready for anything more with you so it's probably best to move on. Save yourself some heartache and don't keep having sex with him.
 
Oh for the love of Pete.

You know what you have to do.

Stop fucking your best friend. Tell him that if he is only using you for sex, he's wasting your time and causing emotional harm to you because you want something more. and he is using you.

You aren't going to be able to make him love you back you know. It just won't happen. Not now. He's got a long journey to take before he comes to terms with his own sexual and emotional identity.

Move on. Otherwise you are missing all the opportunities of finding joy with someone who actually loves you as much as you love them.
 
If he's the Top he is definately using you. If you two are versatile in your sessions or you are the Top it isnt so bad but he stilll needs to come out as bi.
 
Welcome, Daniel. I'm glad you posted this. Since homosexuality starts out as a secret for all of us, it is easy to confuse someone else's sexual play/experimenting as a sign that they are also gay. Maybe he is and maybe he isn't. The point is, are you satisfied with crumbs and leftovers?

You have a choice. Settling for loyal, puppy dog status is a choice with serious, life-long consequences.

It sounds like he may have the ability to play life straight, but even if he is bi or gay, you may never be more than a fuck buddy to him. I wonder how many gay men have lived in heartache knowing they were instrumental in helping someone come out only to discover that the guy they were in love with preferred a different type guy for a continuing relationship.

If you are not careful you will set yourself up to be the most strongly attracted to guys who are not 100% available to you. Please don't let that happen.
 
Or maybe that's happening already?

Are you out?

So, you cheated with him, then you poured out all your feelings, he rejected you, but is happy fucking you in the meantime.

You both have issues. You are chasing an unavailable guy with commitment and honesty problems.

He's probably just getting off.

He doesn't love you. You need to deal with that.

So, what do you do? Well, what do you want? Do you want a healthy reciprocal relationship?

Or are you happy just getting what you can from a guy who belongs to someone else? Who shows no interest in dating you.
 
Oh, and BTW, you seem to be completely dismissive about the girlfriend, so ask yourself this, if he was your boyfriend, how much hurt and pain would it cause if he was fucking someone else?

What kind of guy can really just ignore that? Doing to someone else what you’d hate to have done to you.

Is that the kind of guy you want to be?

He's a lying, cheating asshole for doing that to her, and you can choose to participate in his lies and stab her in the back, or you can choose not to.
 
Hey Daniel, I think you have to stop having sex with him as bad as I know you want to because it's gonna make it harder to get over your feelings for him. I think you should just remain friends and that's it.
 
how hot was the sex?
did you have fun?
are you frustrated yet?
do you have pride?
Are you ready to say: Fuck you! to his face?

At this point, I guess I'm suppose to say: you deserve better.

You made your decision. Two years of pent up passion is released? yes?
 
daniel23 said:
Just wanted to get your guys opion on the situation because no one really knows about this except my best girlfriend and she isnt really that helpful and no one besides her knows im bi/gay
Click to expand...

You never want to be someone else's "backup plan"- especially a "straight guy" who uses you when he's without a girlfriend, or he's drunk or he's just horny or because you won't say "no".

You deserve better. You really do.

End it. And don't drink with him again. And don't let him use you any more.
 
Thanks guys for all the advice and i will try and adovid the sex with him because the deeper we go i think the worse it will get i would rather be his friend than nothing at all. It is tough spending so long on one person trying to make them love you. I realise that you cant make someone love you, but at first i wasnt in love with him so maybe in time he will finally love me back. I mean the sex is like fireworks and even admits its better with me(We do everything equally, there isnt really a top or bottom we just take turns and its amazing). He contradicts himself so much its like he wants me but just cant be with me.
 
Cheaters generally tell you you're the best they've ever had, or something like that, it keeps you feeling special. You give him what she can't, you're so different, he needs more than she's willing to give, you are just so special he can't help himself.

Reality, if you were that special he'd have already left her. Did he do that? Nope.

Don't delude yourself. What you have is a sordid little thing behind the back of the woman he'll never leave for you.

There it is. He contradicts himself because he's lying. Why is it that the other woman always thinks he'd only lie to the wife?
 
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