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Love/relationship vs. Career: How do you all know when to decide?

checkinthingsout

checkinthingsout

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So I just got put into this situation this week and I want to know who else has gone through similar situations and how it ended up:

I was working in a city for a year until I had to move to another city for my job. While there, I met a guy under casual circumstances, but since I have moved we have been talking a lot, and I think I have started to fall in love with him for the past 6 months. Just this week I had the opportunity to move back to the first city for a decent job where I could've been with him and started something real, vs. a better job in the city I am currently in which pays more money in the future and provides other career opportunities. I made the decision best for my career, but I did call him, and we talked extensively about it, and he told me to do the same, mainly because we were never officially together, we just grew closer by talking over time.

Has anyone else experienced going through something like this? Even with an actual boyfriend or partner. How did your situation work out? Did you end up staying with or keeping in contact with that person?

Did I make the right choice?
 
I'm facing a similar situation: I could stay here, where I have a boyfriend with whom I'm very much in love, and generally everything in life is good (housing, friends, etc). The only thing is that my job is good, but it's not a career. I'm currently working at a bar, it pays well enough and is a lot of fun, but it's not something I want to do the rest of my life.

Or I can (probably; still waiting for the definitive answer) move to another city, where I'll have to build up everything in my life from scratch, and I'd actually earn less than I currently do; BUT I'd have a job in the field I want to work in, doing the kind of work I love and want to do in life.

It's breaking my heart a little, but I'm chosing the latter. It never was much of a question for me, really.
 
I can't tell you what to do because we are all different people but I know for me...love is more important than money. I know it seems stupid to some/most people and that is fine...maybe it IS stupid on some levels... but for what is important to me...love wins.
 
Depends on you and where you are at at the moment.
Like east said, we are all different. My career goals are part of my life goals. And that is more important than any man in the world.

But I know most people aren't like myself. I would advise my friends to do what they feel is best.
 
But money puts food in your mouth. I've always found that of the two, if it is love, it'll stick around through all kinds of shit. Do what you have to, to be solvent and successful, then work out plan to combine the two, it may not happen overnight, but it doesn't have to be one or the other.
 
hylas said:
I'm facing a similar situation: I could stay here, where I have a boyfriend with whom I'm very much in love, and generally everything in life is good (housing, friends, etc). The only thing is that my job is good, but it's not a career. I'm currently working at a bar, it pays well enough and is a lot of fun, but it's not something I want to do the rest of my life.

Or I can (probably; still waiting for the definitive answer) move to another city, where I'll have to build up everything in my life from scratch, and I'd actually earn less than I currently do; BUT I'd have a job in the field I want to work in, doing the kind of work I love and want to do in life.

It's breaking my heart a little, but I'm chosing the latter. It never was much of a question for me, really.
Click to expand...

Yea it is frustrating, I am still pretty young and trying to climb the corporate ladder, but in the past 2 years Ive just noticed how hard it is for gay guys to find love and real relationships. This guy I was just hooking up with, not meaning to start anything, but after talking back and forth so much I felt like it could've been something, but I chose career. Now I am not sure if I will come across someone like him again.

eastofeden said:
I can't tell you what to do because we are all different people but I know for me...love is more important than money. I know it seems stupid to some/most people and that is fine...maybe it IS stupid on some levels... but for what is important to me...love wins.
Click to expand...

Right and I think it would normally win with me too, but I cant really say I was in love with this guy, I just felt like we had the potential to be something more...would you forgo a good career move based on mere potential of a relationship as well?


justright25 said:
Money comes and goes, true love doesn't.
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I wouldnt say its true love, just I think I see the potential for a relationship to develop...and how often do gay men fall in love? Is it easier with time for anyone who is older?
 
I keep seeing the word "potential". If it's not true love, I would go with your career.
 
checkinthingsout said:
Now I am not sure if I will come across someone like him again.
Click to expand...

Now, nobody can see the future, and there are no guaratees. But I feel pretty confident saying: you will.

In my early 20es, I was with an *amazing* guy. Handsome, intelligent, kind, well-off, fantastic in bed... and totally into me. We were so in love. But my career and my need for personal growth demanded that I moved to a different country, he wasn't in a position where he could just move with me, and we both didn't want to do the long distance thing. So we broke up.

After the move, I stayed single for several years. Nobody I met could compare to what I had with him. For a long time, I didn't know whether I had made the right decision. I knew that moving away was absolutely necessary for me, and I also knew that I was incapable of being in a long distance relationship at the time. But he was the whole package. Not a "potential whole packge", I knew he was. Would I ever meet anybody like this again?

For a long time, I didn't... until one day, I did. He's my current boyfriend.

(Before I met my current boyfriend, I even met another guy who was maybe not a 10 on the "relationship scale", but a comfortable 9. Unfortunately, this never went anywhere, again for geographical reasons.)

I'm still friends with both those amazing guys, and I'm confident that I will remain friends with my current boyfriend if I really end up moving again. Not awkward ex-boyfriend-"friendship", but genuine, real, devoted friendship. And who knows, maybe I'll end up getting together with any of those amazing guys and fall in love again, somewhere down the line! Who knows what the future brings!

I guess my point is, finding love is hard, but it's not impossible. And there is not one single true love for everybody, but several true loves. The most important thing is that you lead a happy life and are the person you want to be - and that includes career and income. Otherwise, even if you meet the most amazing guy, will he be interested in you if you aren't the best self you can be?
 
Oh and I should have added: all 3 guys I'm talking about started as casual hook ups and became something more, because of simply "talking between the mindblowing fucks"
 
You haven't described this as a love vs money issue; you described it as a potential relationship vs a career issue. I'd go with the career.

If it were a love vs money issue, I'd take love. You owe it to yourself to develop in ways you wish to do so. Moving does not preclude moving back or the potential bf moving to you. The question to ask yourself is, what do you want to be doing in 5 or 10 years?
 
Seasoned said:
You haven't described this as a love vs money issue; you described it as a potential relationship vs a career issue. I'd go with the career.

If it were a love vs money issue, I'd take love. You owe it to yourself to develop in ways you wish to do so. Moving does not preclude moving back or the potential bf moving to you. The question to ask yourself is, what do you want to be doing in 5 or 10 years?
Click to expand...

(emphasis mine)

This is so important, and so few of us ever do it. Where are you going? How do you get there? Make a plan to get on your way.
 
Honestly, it's different for everyone, but my philosophy is this - if you'd rather have the guy, than fuck career, as long as you're comfortable. If you have to think about it a lot, then clearly you aren't invested enough in him to make career sacrifices. As someone who has difficulty getting romantically attached to guys, I get really invested once I do, and to me it would always be the guy.
 
checkinthingsout said:
Right and I think it would normally win with me too, but I cant really say I was in love with this guy, I just felt like we had the potential to be something more...would you forgo a good career move based on mere potential of a relationship as well?
Click to expand...

I actually turned down TWO jobs as an airline steward after I went though all of the application/interview process because.....er.....I wanted this guy and didn't want to leave. Geez...I hate even admitting that....

I really wanted to fly too...I shrugged it off later and blamed it on not wanting to go to Chicago and I pretended I didn't care and it was all on a dare... but it was a lie I told myself...I just liked a guy a lot. EEK. I had forgotten the real "reason" I really didn't go until now. We never did move any further along BUT I did meet the guy I have been with for 28 years shortly thereafter so it all worked out beautifully in the end.

I hate to say it but I think I would (and once did) forgo a career move for a man and the potential. I would like to think otherwise. It's ironic for me because I used to try to avoid falling in love and spent a considerable amount of energy protesting it
 
eastofeden said:
I hate to say it but I think I would (and once did) forgo a career move for a man and the potential. I would like to think otherwise. It's ironic for me because I used to try to avoid falling in love and spent a considerable amount of energy protesting it
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Thanks for sharing, so you are saying you did it even though you used to avoid it and protested it...So would your advice for me be to not do it or to do it?
 
checkinthingsout said:
Thanks for sharing, so you are saying you did it even though you used to avoid it and protested it...So would your advice for me be to not do it or to do it?
Click to expand...

I think the best approach is to trust your instincts and gut/intuition.

Easier said than done though...trusting one's instincts might be the easiest AND the hardest thing to do if that makes any sense.
 
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