Love without sex?

[Letterbomb]

I actually wanted to post this in the "Health" forums but I'm pretty sure it's an emotional thing, like I always knew that there would be a day where I will be unable to maintain an erection, but I'm sure what I am going to post right now has nothing to do with ED. I mean I'm 22! And 22 year old people don't have ED, right?
So here's the story (this might get too graphical now):
For my first time with my current partner, I was unable to keep my penis hard. And I didn't even cum even thought I was very aroused. I could make him cum pretty fast (5 minutes of sucking I think) but when it was my turn I didn't get an erection, I mean he was like trying for 30 minutes to cause a boner, but my dick just remained flaccid. I mean the least time I J.O. was a day before, and I am mostly able to cum up to 5 times a day, but now I couldn't!
That's more or less the most embarrassing day of my life. Oh my goddess!
And when I came home, I was, again, very aroused, and I jerked off, and it was SO good! And so much cum in so little time. So what's wrong with me? Or is it him? I mean I know he's not a Brad Pitt but he's still very hot! And I do really love him! I mean he is my ideal partner, and he's hella gorgeous, but I just can't manage to keep a hardy with him.
Is that normal? Am I asexual or something? (I'm far from being a virgin BTW)
Is it like I only see him as a friend, or am I attracted to him in a romantic way only? God, I never thought I could seperate love and lust (wow, I think this is the first time I used this word lol)
Come on, am I the only one who ever experienced this?

 

[sb]

I think you are thinking about it too much. And as you can get hard when you masturbate I doubt you have Erectile Dysfunction just yet.

 

[Syn]

Hold off jacking off for a few days. You're so used to jacking off with your hand and when someone else comes in and tries to get you off your mind is confused and wanders what's going on. It might work.

 

[racer2438]

dont j/o for a few days and let him jack you off.

your reading to much in this and it's giving you the hard on issue.

Relax..............

 

[gotdimples77]

ok...look...if you enjoy being with him and he with you then that is the basic thing you need to have. The second thing is he needs to know you enjoy being with him even if you dont get off. The third thing you need to know is there obviously isnt anything mechanically wrong with you. My guess would be that you really like him and are afraid he just wants sex. my second guess would be that you are used to jerking off by yourself or having sex just to get off and that somehow this situation is different. which means you need to comunicate if you want to get off with this guy. I had a fuck buddy for six months, i met him once a week, fucked him senseless for an hour at least but didnt get off once( ...he did) But i enjoyed getting him off. I wanted something a little more than just sex I guess.

 

[G-Lexington]

No, you're not the first person to have this happen to you. You probably just have a bit of "performance anxiety".

We've gotten to the point in society when masturbation is considered no big deal. And it isn't. But the thing is - we start training our brain (without meaning to) into thinking of sex as a solitary thing. When someone comes home, we usually stop, pull up our pants and hope the erection goes away quick, (Yes, I know not ALL of us do this. But I think many do.)

Then, suddenly, you've got a partner. You're ready for sex, but...well, there's this GUY there. That hasn't happened before. It's different, weird, not what you're used to. So it make take some getting used to.

Just let him know that. That you do love him, you do love having sex with him, but you're probably just not used to it yet. So work up to it. Have whatever sex you want, and then finish yourself off. Maybe the first time, you can just lie on the bed, close your eyes if it helps, then finish. The second time, do it with your eyes open, watching your partner. The third time, have him hold you in his arms as you finish yourself off.

As time goes on, you'll relax more and more around him, and won't have any problem performing.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

So what's wrong with me? Or is it him? I mean I know he's not a Brad Pitt but he's still very hot! And I do really love him! I mean he is my ideal partner, and he's hella gorgeous, but I just can't manage to keep a hardy with him.
Is that normal? Am I asexual or something? (I'm far from being a virgin BTW)
Is it like I only see him as a friend, or am I attracted to him in a romantic way only? God, I never thought I could seperate love and lust (wow, I think this is the first time I used this word lol)
Come on, am I the only one who ever experienced this?

Do a search in Health & Well-being on "erectile dysfunction" or "erection" or "Viagra" and you'll see this is a pretty common occurrence. There's variations on the same issue- "Can't stay hard when getting fucked", "Can't stay hard when getting a blowjob", etc.

The problem here is that for some reason, your head, heart and dick just weren't synchronized.

Just because this happened one time doesn't mean it will always happen. The two of you just need to work through it and try, try, try again.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Letterbomb,

Relax. Just stop, calm down and relax.

You are over thinking this, over analyzing... and panicking.

Mate... first of all you are pretty much a normal guy. All of us at some stage or another are going to suffer from a time where our bodies wont do what we want them to do. And for guys the consequences are pretty obvious.

But thats normal on the odd occasion.

So stop worrying... because you will only make this worse.

THE most sexual organ you have is your brain. And when you keep cramming it with fear and paranoia you disturb the normal processes of being relaxed and aroused. When you keep expecting something to go wrong it will.

The biggest issue you have is anxiety and the in-ability to relax and let go, which comes easily and unconsciously when you are alone.

So you need change how you approach this for a while. Until you can forget this crazy fear you have built up. A fear which stops you from doing the thing you want most... having fun and enjoying the intimacy.

Next time you are together just focus on your man. Your aim isnt to get off this time. Its simply to focus on him. Give him the night of his life. Your pleasure doesn't matter this time... just please him. Do whatever he wants however he wants. Your dick is off limits and out of bounds. Just pleasure him however he wants.

Your turn will come... once you realize that you deserve it and you are comfortable enough around your man to let your thought go... when you relaxed enough just to let things unfold without thinking them through... when you just remember how to trust your body.

But in the meantime let your focus shift to him. I'm positive you'll notice how much calmer and relaxed you'll feel... and with time that will be your entire state of mind.

And remember mate... theres no way on earth that you are the only one this has ever happened to!