Lust after love? Does it happen?

[silentalk]

Hey guys,

I'll keep this short.

I have been close to this friend for nearly 2 years. We love each other more than we've loved anyone. So this feeling is a new experience for both of us. He doesn't love me romantically, but he says (and I can see that this is true) that there's more room for this love to grow.

The thing is, he doesn't feel anything more than that. Not only that, but he's strongly against any lustful feelings towards me specifically.

So, do you guys know if lust can come after love? I mean, does anyone know from experience, or through the experiences of others, if you can love someone without feeling lust, then you start loving them so much that lust develops?

 

[Seasoned]

Don't hold out waiting for it to happen. Some people, I'm one, develop strong boundaries around friendship to keep them from becoming sexual. It could also be as simple as you're not his type.

 

[mcbrion]

You can love someone as a person completely without there being any lust. It sounds as though your previous friendships were not close like this, so it's easy to see how you would want it to become more. But if that's going to happen, it needs to be on both sides, not just one.
And yes, of course friendship can turn into love (and lust along with it), but this sounds more like you are - forgive my putting it this way - young (ish) and have not had enough experiences to differentiate between having a Ross/Joey relationship (sorry, was just watching "Friends" on re-runs) and having a "When Harry Met Sally" relationship.

But it is wonderful that you have come, finally, and seemingly in young adulthood, to love someone so strongly. Incidentally, friendship is NOT a secondary relationship; it is the BASIS for ANY REAL RELATIONSHIP. Far too many people who are couples are not true friends to each other, and yet they trumpet the "l'm-in-a-long-term-relationship"mantra as if that is more important than being their lover's best friend. 'S not ideal in reality.
Love him for that "you're-the-best-friend-any-guy-could-ever-have", and (try to) let that be enough. If there is more there, believe me, it will happen by itself. You will not have to fan the flames to get it to burst into a mad-about-you thing.

 

[KaraBulut]

...So, do you guys know if lust can come after love? I mean, does anyone know from experience, or through the experiences of others, if you can love someone without feeling lust, then you start loving them so much that lust develops?

It can but too often, when you the fire of lust goes away, it takes the love with it.

You're better off having a friend for life than a bed mate for the short term.

 

[tarallucci]

Of course yes, it's quite possible.

 

[silentalk]

Thanks for your replies. You've been very kind.

Yes, I love him so much. He does too. And like you guys said, I'd rather let this go on without any lust involved, than lose him.

So, I'll try to forget it, even though that isn't going to be easy at all. But I don't want to lose him.

Thanks

 

[TX-Beau]

That's probably a prudent move. Personally and I have tried a time or two, if the sexual attraction wasn't there already, it didn't ever grow no matter how much I wanted it.