So I wrote this movie script and I’ve been getting some awards. Right now trying to get agent but I wanted to see if I could get your opinion on it. It consists of 15 chapters and I wanted to start with the first one. If you all enjoy it then perhaps I can continue posting the rest. Any feedback is deeply appreciated. The format is off but hope you can read it like this.
Note: 40% of this happened exactly as depicted. 20% happened with slight alterations between characters or settings. 40% is wishful thinking. It’s up to you to guess which is which. Enjoy!
OVER BLACK.
Passionate low MOANS.
ADAM
Is that okay?
The moans seem to intensify. There is enjoyment here.
GABRIEL
Yes, yes. Keep going...
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The place looks nice but not extremely expensive. Some PLASTIC BAGS on the floor; TWO HALF UNPACKED SUITCASES TOO.
SUPER: Chapter 1: WHEN YOUR SOUL LEAVES YOUR BODY!
ADAM. A very handsome 38 year old Hispanic man with dark ‘sun kissed’ skin and short black wavy hair. He is on his knees in front of another man, a younger one.
GABRIEL is a 20 year old Caucasian young man. Long messy sandy brown and blonde hair almost reaching his shoulders, with remarkable muscles yet still slim. Handsome!
Adam gives Gabriel his undivided attention as Gabriel is lost in ecstasy. Adam is giving Gabriel oral sex.
Adam stops for a moment as Gabriel stares into the ceiling, smiling. Suddenly, he starts LAUGHING and moving.
ADAM (O.S.)
Tickles?
GABRIEL
The head... the head...
ADAM
So what did they say?
GABRIEL
Who? My head?
Gabriel LAUGHS and Adam playfully bites him. Gabriel SCREAMS.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
They did not like my idea...
Adam eye level with Gabriel just looks at him while masturbating him.
ADAM
Did they say why?
GABRIEL
No, they just said that it was not
a good idea. I mean we could get better tips.
ADAM
And you want better tips?
GABRIEL
The other day someone left me 20
bucks and it’s not much but it was nice, you know? It felt like I had done something right.
ADAM
I think you’re doing a good job at
the store.
Adam starts stroking Gabriel's member faster. Gabriel moans a bit but they continue with their conversation like if it was the most normal thing ever.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Ah, I think you need a better job
anyways.
GABRIEL
Should I go back to ‘Only Fans’?
Gabriel smiles and Adam looks at him, quizzically.
ADAM
I never told you to leave it...
GABRIEL
No, that’s not what I meant. I
never liked it either plus I mean, I wanted to... I really didn’t want to put myself out there anymore.
Gabriel stops himself and Adam looks at him deep in thought.
ADAM
What’s up?
GABRIEL
I didn’t want you to think I was a
piece of shit or something.
Adam stops what he is doing and just looks at him.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
I felt maybe you would not want to
be with me if I kept doing it. Plus, I never liked it but needed cash. I am not like Joseph.
ADAM
If you want to go back, you can.
GABRIEL
I need to finish college, you know?
ADAM
You do...
GABRIEL
I will look for something else.
ADAM
They don’t deserve you anyways.
You’re too good for that place.
GABRIEL
‘Only Fans’ or my current job?
ADAM
Nobody deserves you but when we are
back, I will help you find something better. I promise.
Adam starts masturbating him once again.
ADAM (CONT'D)
I will help you. YOU will be great!
GABRIEL
At what?
ADAM
Everything! The world better get
ready! YOU will rock it!
GABRIEL
Rock the world?
ADAM
What I mean is that YOU can do
great things in life and I for once cannot wait to see you accomplish them. I want to be there for you and with you...
GABRIEL
You mean that?
ADAM
I do. I want you with me.
They stare into each others’ eyes as they both smile.
GABRIEL
You just saying that cause you like
my dick, huh?
ADAM
I mean, I like all of you. I want
you with me. I want everything.
GABRIEL
Really? Will you introduce me to
your friends and all?
ADAM
You want to meet my friends?
GABRIEL
Yes, I want everything too!
They both smile each other as Gabriel MOANS louder.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
I am about to...
Gabriel MOANS and then twitches a bit. He uses his arm to cover his eyes.
ADAM
Don’t...
GABRIEL
What?
ADAM
I love seeing your face when you
do...
Gabriel starts looking agitated and after a moment, he moans and then climaxes in Adam’s hands.
Adam stops moving his hands and just stares into Gabriel's eyes.
Adam kisses Gabriel and they stay like that for a bit. Adam stands up leaving Gabriel naked on the sofa.
ADAM (O.S.) (CONT'D)
You better be in bed when I get
back...
Gabriel smiles and then jumps on bed. He gets under the COVERS.
INT. HOTEL - LATER
Gabriel on bed, facing down. Adam behind him making love to him, arms under Gabriel’s armpits. Adam kisses his neck.
Adam continues making love to him like that for a bit as Gabriel lost in pleasure, looks back.
ADAM
How are you?
GABRIEL
Glued...
ADAM
What?
GABRIEL
Glued together with you...
They both LAUGH.
ADAM
Is that a good thing?
Adam slowly pushes deeper into him and Gabriel MOANS and then passionately moves his face so they can kiss.Adam seems to stop for a moment.
GABRIEL
I didn’t say stop...
Adam looks dead serious and then smiles. Gabriel LAUGHS and Adam kisses him.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
Do you like this?
ADAM
I love it...
Gabriel without saying anything, continues to enjoy the moment as Adam goes on making him feel good.
GABRIEL
I was thinking...
ADAM
Don’t think...
After a few moments like that, Adam climaxes inside Gabriel and just hugs him tightly. Gabriel smiles.
GABRIEL
This feels right, you know?
Adam still hugging Gabriel tight, kisses his shoulder.
ADAM
What we just did or us here
together?
Gabriel seems to think about the question for a minute while Adam pulls out and lays next to Gabriel. Gabriel slowly opens his eyes and gets on his side, face to face with Adam.
GABRIEL
Can I say both?
Adam looks at him and then kisses him on the mouth. They continue to kiss as Adam starts to play with Gabriel’s crotch.
Gabriel is at his mercy, just lost in pleasure as Adam kisses him passionately and continues to give his crotch some attention.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
I am about to...
ADAM
Not even a minute, huh?
They both LAUGH.
GABRIEL
I actually have been about to for a
while...
Gabriel lays on his back as Adam goes down to Gabriel’s crotch, giving him oral sex.
Soon Gabriel eyes closed, starts twitching and moving desperately... MOANS.
Adam comes back up next to Gabriel and just stares at him. Gabriel opens his eyes and looks beyond happy.
ADAM
Doesn’t get old...
GABRIEL
You think is funny, huh?
ADAM
Love to see you come... Love to
feel you come.
Adam LAUGHS and Gabriel seems a bit embarrassed.
GABRIEL
It just feels like if...
ADAM
Your soul left your body, I know!
They both LAUGH as the sound suddenly becomes inaudible. They continue to laugh and then kiss...
INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY- DAY
SUPER: CHAPTER 2: FRIENDLY FATEFUL ENCOUNTERS
CUT TO:
I will appreciate any comments. I can also add the next chapter as an attachment if that’s easier to read. Thanks!
Note: 40% of this happened exactly as depicted. 20% happened with slight alterations between characters or settings. 40% is wishful thinking. It’s up to you to guess which is which. Enjoy!
OVER BLACK.
Passionate low MOANS.
ADAM
Is that okay?
The moans seem to intensify. There is enjoyment here.
GABRIEL
Yes, yes. Keep going...
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The place looks nice but not extremely expensive. Some PLASTIC BAGS on the floor; TWO HALF UNPACKED SUITCASES TOO.
SUPER: Chapter 1: WHEN YOUR SOUL LEAVES YOUR BODY!
ADAM. A very handsome 38 year old Hispanic man with dark ‘sun kissed’ skin and short black wavy hair. He is on his knees in front of another man, a younger one.
GABRIEL is a 20 year old Caucasian young man. Long messy sandy brown and blonde hair almost reaching his shoulders, with remarkable muscles yet still slim. Handsome!
Adam gives Gabriel his undivided attention as Gabriel is lost in ecstasy. Adam is giving Gabriel oral sex.
Adam stops for a moment as Gabriel stares into the ceiling, smiling. Suddenly, he starts LAUGHING and moving.
ADAM (O.S.)
Tickles?
GABRIEL
The head... the head...
ADAM
So what did they say?
GABRIEL
Who? My head?
Gabriel LAUGHS and Adam playfully bites him. Gabriel SCREAMS.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
They did not like my idea...
Adam eye level with Gabriel just looks at him while masturbating him.
ADAM
Did they say why?
GABRIEL
No, they just said that it was not
a good idea. I mean we could get better tips.
ADAM
And you want better tips?
GABRIEL
The other day someone left me 20
bucks and it’s not much but it was nice, you know? It felt like I had done something right.
ADAM
I think you’re doing a good job at
the store.
Adam starts stroking Gabriel's member faster. Gabriel moans a bit but they continue with their conversation like if it was the most normal thing ever.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Ah, I think you need a better job
anyways.
GABRIEL
Should I go back to ‘Only Fans’?
Gabriel smiles and Adam looks at him, quizzically.
ADAM
I never told you to leave it...
GABRIEL
No, that’s not what I meant. I
never liked it either plus I mean, I wanted to... I really didn’t want to put myself out there anymore.
Gabriel stops himself and Adam looks at him deep in thought.
ADAM
What’s up?
GABRIEL
I didn’t want you to think I was a
piece of shit or something.
Adam stops what he is doing and just looks at him.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
I felt maybe you would not want to
be with me if I kept doing it. Plus, I never liked it but needed cash. I am not like Joseph.
ADAM
If you want to go back, you can.
GABRIEL
I need to finish college, you know?
ADAM
You do...
GABRIEL
I will look for something else.
ADAM
They don’t deserve you anyways.
You’re too good for that place.
GABRIEL
‘Only Fans’ or my current job?
ADAM
Nobody deserves you but when we are
back, I will help you find something better. I promise.
Adam starts masturbating him once again.
ADAM (CONT'D)
I will help you. YOU will be great!
GABRIEL
At what?
ADAM
Everything! The world better get
ready! YOU will rock it!
GABRIEL
Rock the world?
ADAM
What I mean is that YOU can do
great things in life and I for once cannot wait to see you accomplish them. I want to be there for you and with you...
GABRIEL
You mean that?
ADAM
I do. I want you with me.
They stare into each others’ eyes as they both smile.
GABRIEL
You just saying that cause you like
my dick, huh?
ADAM
I mean, I like all of you. I want
you with me. I want everything.
GABRIEL
Really? Will you introduce me to
your friends and all?
ADAM
You want to meet my friends?
GABRIEL
Yes, I want everything too!
They both smile each other as Gabriel MOANS louder.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
I am about to...
Gabriel MOANS and then twitches a bit. He uses his arm to cover his eyes.
ADAM
Don’t...
GABRIEL
What?
ADAM
I love seeing your face when you
do...
Gabriel starts looking agitated and after a moment, he moans and then climaxes in Adam’s hands.
Adam stops moving his hands and just stares into Gabriel's eyes.
Adam kisses Gabriel and they stay like that for a bit. Adam stands up leaving Gabriel naked on the sofa.
ADAM (O.S.) (CONT'D)
You better be in bed when I get
back...
Gabriel smiles and then jumps on bed. He gets under the COVERS.
INT. HOTEL - LATER
Gabriel on bed, facing down. Adam behind him making love to him, arms under Gabriel’s armpits. Adam kisses his neck.
Adam continues making love to him like that for a bit as Gabriel lost in pleasure, looks back.
ADAM
How are you?
GABRIEL
Glued...
ADAM
What?
GABRIEL
Glued together with you...
They both LAUGH.
ADAM
Is that a good thing?
Adam slowly pushes deeper into him and Gabriel MOANS and then passionately moves his face so they can kiss.Adam seems to stop for a moment.
GABRIEL
I didn’t say stop...
Adam looks dead serious and then smiles. Gabriel LAUGHS and Adam kisses him.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
Do you like this?
ADAM
I love it...
Gabriel without saying anything, continues to enjoy the moment as Adam goes on making him feel good.
GABRIEL
I was thinking...
ADAM
Don’t think...
After a few moments like that, Adam climaxes inside Gabriel and just hugs him tightly. Gabriel smiles.
GABRIEL
This feels right, you know?
Adam still hugging Gabriel tight, kisses his shoulder.
ADAM
What we just did or us here
together?
Gabriel seems to think about the question for a minute while Adam pulls out and lays next to Gabriel. Gabriel slowly opens his eyes and gets on his side, face to face with Adam.
GABRIEL
Can I say both?
Adam looks at him and then kisses him on the mouth. They continue to kiss as Adam starts to play with Gabriel’s crotch.
Gabriel is at his mercy, just lost in pleasure as Adam kisses him passionately and continues to give his crotch some attention.
GABRIEL (CONT'D)
I am about to...
ADAM
Not even a minute, huh?
They both LAUGH.
GABRIEL
I actually have been about to for a
while...
Gabriel lays on his back as Adam goes down to Gabriel’s crotch, giving him oral sex.
Soon Gabriel eyes closed, starts twitching and moving desperately... MOANS.
Adam comes back up next to Gabriel and just stares at him. Gabriel opens his eyes and looks beyond happy.
ADAM
Doesn’t get old...
GABRIEL
You think is funny, huh?
ADAM
Love to see you come... Love to
feel you come.
Adam LAUGHS and Gabriel seems a bit embarrassed.
GABRIEL
It just feels like if...
ADAM
Your soul left your body, I know!
They both LAUGH as the sound suddenly becomes inaudible. They continue to laugh and then kiss...
INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY- DAY
SUPER: CHAPTER 2: FRIENDLY FATEFUL ENCOUNTERS
CUT TO:
I will appreciate any comments. I can also add the next chapter as an attachment if that’s easier to read. Thanks!