G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
March has arrived, although not in the traditional "like a lion" way. But however it got here, as always, I'm very happy to see it.
Why? Well, certainly for the same reasons poets since time immemorial have liked it - we're witnessing the first steps of winter's death, the weather's getting a bit warmer, a bit more green here and there, that whole "circle of life" thing. But there's more to it than that for me.
Jump back a dozen years or so, to October 1995. I've finally realized something is really really wrong. What I at first think is just a couple of "bad days" has turned into two weeks' worth. I can't find enthusiasm for anything I do. I'm sleeping maybe three hours a night, and eating maybe one meal a day. All my life, I've at least been able to daydream my way through dreary and/or uninteresting days, but I've suddenly found I can't even do that anymore. And suddenly, everything feels empty. I've got nothing anymore. I remember working in the office, looking out the window, watching the sun go down...and thinking how utterly meaningless life was. I was no longer just depressed - it was a feeling of complete and utter despair.
Two things saved my sanity. One was a trip to a psychiatrist. I could only scrounge up enough cash for two visits, but he was great. He basically helped me come up with some "coping skills" to get me through the tough times. The other thing - and probably much more important - was my friends. "A friend in need is a friend indeed", they say, and I'd never been as much "in need" as then. And let's just say it was at this point that I found out who my true friends were. I needed people to talk to, people who would lend a friendly ear as I babbled about my feelings. And I was stunned to find that, with only one exception, everyone stepped up. Late night phone calls, e-mails, visits - they took it all in stride. My family, my old college friends - they all proved themselves in this unexpected "trial by fire". Which is why I'm still so fiercely loyal to them to this day.
Later, it became clear that a good chunk of what happened during that time was at least partially due to Seasonal Affective Disorder. For those unfamiliar, basically stated, my mood gets worse the less sunlight I get. My problems in 1995/96 weren't due completely to this, but let's just say they made a bad situation a lot worse. And I still have days when SAD kicks in, although my worst days now may be better than my best days back then. But I've learned some simple things that help get me through them with little or no trouble.
People who have gotten to know me since that little episode find it very surprising. Because now, I'm an almost relentlessly happy guy. Not the kind that whistles everywhere he goes, and annoys his groggy co-workers with a cheery, "Good morning!" or anything like that. But I am almost always in a good mood. One person actually asked me, "Do you even HAVE bad days?" And actually, I don't really. Not much. Yes, bad things happen to me, the same way they happen to everyone, but they're nothing I can't handle.
If that weren't enough, it's March. And as the days get longer, and the weather gets warmer, in addition to my general good-naturedness, I get an addition sense of triumph. I've made it through another winter, and without slipping anywhere near depression. Fuck you, winter. Take that.
Of course, March does try to get the last laugh. Guess what the snowiest month in Colorado is?
Why? Well, certainly for the same reasons poets since time immemorial have liked it - we're witnessing the first steps of winter's death, the weather's getting a bit warmer, a bit more green here and there, that whole "circle of life" thing. But there's more to it than that for me.
Jump back a dozen years or so, to October 1995. I've finally realized something is really really wrong. What I at first think is just a couple of "bad days" has turned into two weeks' worth. I can't find enthusiasm for anything I do. I'm sleeping maybe three hours a night, and eating maybe one meal a day. All my life, I've at least been able to daydream my way through dreary and/or uninteresting days, but I've suddenly found I can't even do that anymore. And suddenly, everything feels empty. I've got nothing anymore. I remember working in the office, looking out the window, watching the sun go down...and thinking how utterly meaningless life was. I was no longer just depressed - it was a feeling of complete and utter despair.
Two things saved my sanity. One was a trip to a psychiatrist. I could only scrounge up enough cash for two visits, but he was great. He basically helped me come up with some "coping skills" to get me through the tough times. The other thing - and probably much more important - was my friends. "A friend in need is a friend indeed", they say, and I'd never been as much "in need" as then. And let's just say it was at this point that I found out who my true friends were. I needed people to talk to, people who would lend a friendly ear as I babbled about my feelings. And I was stunned to find that, with only one exception, everyone stepped up. Late night phone calls, e-mails, visits - they took it all in stride. My family, my old college friends - they all proved themselves in this unexpected "trial by fire". Which is why I'm still so fiercely loyal to them to this day.
Later, it became clear that a good chunk of what happened during that time was at least partially due to Seasonal Affective Disorder. For those unfamiliar, basically stated, my mood gets worse the less sunlight I get. My problems in 1995/96 weren't due completely to this, but let's just say they made a bad situation a lot worse. And I still have days when SAD kicks in, although my worst days now may be better than my best days back then. But I've learned some simple things that help get me through them with little or no trouble.
People who have gotten to know me since that little episode find it very surprising. Because now, I'm an almost relentlessly happy guy. Not the kind that whistles everywhere he goes, and annoys his groggy co-workers with a cheery, "Good morning!" or anything like that. But I am almost always in a good mood. One person actually asked me, "Do you even HAVE bad days?" And actually, I don't really. Not much. Yes, bad things happen to me, the same way they happen to everyone, but they're nothing I can't handle.
If that weren't enough, it's March. And as the days get longer, and the weather gets warmer, in addition to my general good-naturedness, I get an addition sense of triumph. I've made it through another winter, and without slipping anywhere near depression. Fuck you, winter. Take that.
Of course, March does try to get the last laugh. Guess what the snowiest month in Colorado is?