Meeting Gay Guys In All The Wrong Places

[dhchitown1984]

Well, I would say that of the three sites you posted, A4A is the only site with the most "hope" of finding something along the lines of a date or a new friend.

This advice is going to sound super cliche, but find a local gay-friendly organization in your town. Just volunteer with them, or see what programs they offer. They'll probably have something that catches your eye. That way, you'll be able to meet people without the "so.... are we gonna hook up?" cloud hanging over you like Grindr does.

Are you out? That will also have a profoundly different impact on meeting people... if you have friends who you can go to gay bars, clubs, or on the lighter side just local gay pride events, restaurants, stores, and neighborhoods.

But I would definitely recommend looking into gay-friendly groups and clubs. It's definitely a no-pressure place to meet people that already have a basic similiar interest as you... which also makes for a good ice breaker.

 

[Seasoned]

^Can't beat chitown advice. Trying something different will give you different results.

 

[RavenCWG]

No offence Chitown, but I find it amusing how you just assumed that everyone has a "local gay-friendly organization" or "gay-friendly groups and clubs". I can't speak for Silvirain, but using myself as an example, there are NO gay-friendly organizations were I live, and the nearest gay club is over a hundred miles away. There is absolutely nowhere to go to meet other gay guys locally...period.

And for whatever its worth, Silvirain, I totally feel your frustration about wishing you could simply "approach any cute guy and be like hey wanna catch a movie" yet knowing you can't. It's really hard in my case as even most of the gay clubs that I've ever been to usually have an older crowd then I'm into; and as for the guys that I see walking down the street that I find cute, even if I could come right to them and ask them out, most of them ether turn out to be under age, not gay, already taken or simply wouldn't be interested in some old, fat guy almost twice their age. It sucks!

 

[dhchitown1984]

^ Point taken, Raven. I'm in Chicago, there's definitely more opportunities than other cities and towns have available.

Seeing that you're in an environment that doesn't offer those opportunies, what do you suggest?

 

[RavenCWG]

That’s just it. In many cases, like my own, there simply aren't any easy solutions. If you're like me, moving isn't an option, and if you don't have friends living in some larger city that you could go stay with for a while, then an on-line dating service or a site like this one might very well be the only remaining option. I wish I had something more positive and upbeat to suggest, but sadly I don't.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Fair enough - I can't say anything about anyone else's situation, because, well, it's not my situation.

Outside of Grindr and Adam4Adam, there are sites like OKCupid.com and PlentyOfFish.com. OKCupid is pretty decent... you fill in a bunch of information about yourself, and then there is a section with questions.... from everything about religious beliefs, political stances, sex on the first date, smoking, drug use, drinking, dog or cat person, typical Friday night, safe sex, etc. (there's an even mix of sex related vs. non sex related questions... literally, one is about whether or not you'd still play with Legos if you could) and then it gives you matches based on the percentage of common answers to the multiple choice questions. You can still check out everybody, but its a good way to find commonalities and conversation starters. I'd give it a shot.

 

[briefboy86]

I met my boyfriend on a "hookup" site. We have been together two and a half years and have been living together for almost a year of that time. We met on outpersonals so the whole hookup site can actually turn out to have something good..

 

[Toosmarttobehappy]

So, you want to find a guy that you can date and that wants to date you? I started a similar thread to this in Hot Topics.

I am in my 30's and have found it nearly impossible to meet someone that wants to date, never mind a relationship, and everyone keeps telling me I am looking in the wrong places.
At least you have your youth. You have plenty of time to find someone special...me, not so much.

 

[PrinceCory]

A lot of guys here seem to make such assumptions. I wonder how many of them have ever truly been in my situation or yours. It's not easy to be in an area where the only place to meet another gay man is by a river or lake at 3:00 a.m. or at a rest stop that's just off the interstate.

Oh how true for me too. Thing is I won't do the blind hookup thing. I gots to at least chat with him a couple of times or more. Still won't do it out in "public" like a park or rest area...this community is way to small if you should get caught.

 

[RaKroma]

I never had luck finding friends or bf from online hookups sites like a4a or manhunt after several years of using them. I don't even bother anymore. The suggestion to join a gay support group or organization is your best hope. I joined a support group last year and travel to once a month meetings. I have met many gay and lesbian people that I would never come across with in life from online. Ironically, I did end up hooking up with one guy from that support group, but we became very good friends now. He is the only one from that group that I can call a close gay friend; others tend to stick with their cliques that are hard to break into for me. He takes me to gay parties that his friends invite him to, showed me some clubs etc.. But I generally struggle to socialize with gay guys because I have my suspicions of their motives to talk to me, or because I might feel insecure about myself and my life. I mean just yesterday total strangers at a party who started talking to me right away were asking me if I was a top, bottom, all sorts of sexual questions and one guy began to rub his boner on my leg, even though I did not make any hints that I was interested like that.

 

[Lube]

Aren't there grapevines in small towns and rural areas nowadays like there used to be in big cities before everyone was out?

I would assume that once you get to know a couple guys, they would have a network of friends that do stuff together. What about Meetup.com activities that mesh with your interests? Surely you can pick out a couple obviously gay guys (unmarried, don't talk about girlfriends, etc.) from the group.

You gotta put yourself out there and take some risk.

 

[undisclosed1234]

Depends how you use it but Facebook works. I've seen it.

 

[TX-Beau]

Aren't there grapevines in small towns and rural areas nowadays like there used to be in big cities before everyone was out?

I would assume that once you get to know a couple guys, they would have a network of friends that do stuff together. What about Meetup.com activities that mesh with your interests? Surely you can pick out a couple obviously gay guys (unmarried, don't talk about girlfriends, etc.) from the group.

You gotta put yourself out there and take some risk.

LUBE!!!!!! Where you been?

Yeah, you can sit in your little cottage in the country and complain about how isolated you are, and get nowhere. If that's what you want to do, go for it.

Your lives are under your control - and having been through it, if you are motivated enough, you will find a solution.

 

[RhyRhy]

One site that I haven't seen mentioned here is Life Out.com. It's kinda like MySpace for gay men. I've been a member there for idk 3 or 4 years. Talked to many nice guys on there.

 

[Willie Boy]

This is advice I have offered on these threads time and time... and time... again. Be yourself, go out and find activities in your community you enjoy. Meet people who enjoy similar activities and strike up some friendships. Get to know each other. From there you will have individuals to go out and get coffee with, or go see movies, or whatnot. And guess what, there is a high probability that one or two (or more) of them will actually be gay/bi. It really is that simple. You don't have to go to an online meat market, or a gay bar/club (offline meat market) to make friends and get to know people. The real people are in the real world.

 

[OneGayDude]

We're at one of the most untapped resources for meeting other people. At 158,685 members (and counting ), it's a great place to meet other people. But most of the people on here never list a state or city where they live.

I don't know of any JUBbers that live where I do, but there are several that live in the next county or two over from me. But in previous PM chats with people on here, there is a huge reluctance to ever meet in person. How sad that there are so many gay people that would love to have another gay person to chat with, and yet we're all so afraid to take that chance to meet another person in a similar situation. And then, we won't hesitate to go meet a total stranger we've exchanged an email or two with on Craigslist, etc. I would like to think the quality of person you would meet on JUB would be a lot higher than the other places.

I'll get off my soapbox now. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[mbamike]

No offence Chitown, but I find it amusing how you just assumed that everyone has a "local gay-friendly organization" or "gay-friendly groups and clubs". I can't speak for Silvirain, but using myself as an example, there are NO gay-friendly organizations were I live, and the nearest gay club is over a hundred miles away. There is absolutely nowhere to go to meet other gay guys locally...period.

It sucks!

A lot of guys here seem to make such assumptions. I wonder how many of them have ever truly been in my situation or yours. It's not easy to be in an area where the only place to meet another gay man is by a river or lake at 3:00 a.m. or at a rest stop that's just off the interstate.

You guys are preaching to the choir! Amen brethren!

Personally, I use A4A and Manhunt.

 

[flechaverde]

I've always used websites to find men. I always found myself frustrated with the idea that, even though I would state my intentions as being primarily non-sexual, I would still get the men who were solely interested in sex. Its ok to hook-up, its just not what I look for.

I'm a nerd so I've found other ways of meeting people, like through forums or circles of friends (who are usually nerdy too!). I know that it gets a little more difficult through the circles of friends route sometimes but I've gained a ton more friends at the very least.

I will say that the longest relationships I've ever had were ones where I met the person face-to-face in some situation rather than an online site. I've met some great people through those means, but they never seem to last.

If you haven't already tried it okcupid and match.com are pretty decent for relationships as opposed to hook ups.