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meeting male whilst in a relationship with a female

T

TomDavo

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i consider myself a bicurious 19 year old lad wanting to go try things with another lad. ive been curious for many years and have jacked off to gay porn for many years. now im in a relationship with a female which i have been for nearly 3 years. but ive started watching gay porn alot more lately and very rarely straight. i think its because ive not tried it with a guy which makes me want it more.. im more than happy with my girlfriend but i really want to try something with a lad (doesnt have to be full on sex) so im stuck in a hard situation!

what do i do? im very secretive about my sexuality absolute no one thinks i could be bi and i dont know any gay friends plus i cant come out due to family reasons..

any tips will be ace :)
 
You don't say where you live but I assume it it in the UK. Since you have access to the Internet, I would search for a gay organization near in your living area. I would stay away from online dating or pickup sites. If there is a gay community center near you, check to see what events may be happening. Going to an interesting event will give you the opportunity to meet some gay friends. From there you can decide whether any further excitement may be in your future....:-) Best of luck and keep us informed on your progress. Also, welcome to JUB. Enjoy yourself here, you are among friends.

Craiger
 
TomDavo said:
i consider myself a bicurious 19 year old lad wanting to go try things with another lad. ive been curious for many years and have jacked off to gay porn for many years. now im in a relationship with a female which i have been for nearly 3 years. but ive started watching gay porn alot more lately and very rarely straight. i think its because ive not tried it with a guy which makes me want it more.. im more than happy with my girlfriend but i really want to try something with a lad (doesnt have to be full on sex) so im stuck in a hard situation!

what do i do? im very secretive about my sexuality absolute no one thinks i could be bi and i dont know any gay friends plus i cant come out due to family reasons..

any tips will be ace :)
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I think if you really want to try out guys, you should take a break--or break up-- with your girlfriend, and try finding a guy. It seems like you are seeking a sexual connection with a man more than anything. The easiest and fastest way to find this is online in my opinion. But be SELECTIVE and try to find guys who are in a similar situation to you.

I would NOT however, try to cheat on your girlfriend of 3 years with another guy if you really like this woman. If she ever found out it would be probably be the end of your relationship. The best thing would be to go on a break so you can figure this out. No need to explain to her the details of why you want a break if you dont want to, but cheating isn't good for anyone.
 
I'm with checkinthings out. It's not fair to your gf, but I will leave it at that. I'm sure many others here will cheer you on.
 
I do not quite understand how someone ends a 3 year relationship without some explanation. By meeting some gay friends without any sexuality involved is not cheating and, in my opinion, will give Tom more understanding of his needs and desires. If he decides to try the sexual side of it, perhaps then he can either discuss his predicament with his g/f or break off the relationship. But to end it before he even is sure of which direction he may want to go possibly dooms recapturing it if his decision is to remain straight.

Craiger
 
Craiger said:
I do not quite understand how someone ends a 3 year relationship without some explanation. By meeting some gay friends without any sexuality involved is not cheating and, in my opinion, will give Tom more understanding of his needs and desires. If he decides to try the sexual side of it, perhaps then he can either discuss his predicament with his g/f or break off the relationship. But to end it before he even is sure of which direction he may want to go possibly dooms recapturing it if his decision is to remain straight.

Craiger
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Did you read the OP's post? He wants to try something even if it's not full on sex. Something is not nothing.
 
After 3 years, you don´t just like your girlfriend. It´s not even what you should do, but when, because the human needs are human needs and when they will have to be taken care of, you have to make sure not to lie or hurt someone, especially someone you care about.

Do you see yourself living your whole life with your girlfriend or are you constantly thinking about breaking up with her? You two could make this work, with talking things out, making rules, have, for example, an open relationship for some time at least etc. You are 19, I assume your girlfriend is more or less the same age. You both are young and you should enjoy it, gain experience, do your share of stupid crap. Ask your girlfriend what she would like to do if she were single and decide if you should know about each other´s business or keep it to yourself. If after this, you two want to be together still, good, if not, still good. Life needs to happen.
 
You owe something to your partner and she ought not be used as backup through an experimental phase, in case that's what you're planning. I think you ought to start by talking to her and separating or breaking up as was suggested before finding guys with which to play around.

Many years ago I did it on the sly and it's left its mark.
 
As others have said, if you are thinking of exploring your sexuality, then you need to end your relationship with your gf.
It is not fair to her to be in the dark or used as backup while you play around with others.
 
sixthson said:
Did you read the OP's post? He wants to try something even if it's not full on sex. Something is not nothing.
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Yes I did read the OP's post and I stated "By meeting some gay friends without any sexuality involved is not cheating and, in my opinion, will give Tom more understanding of his needs and desires." Something can be learning and understanding about gay friendships and if he wants to take it further, ie sexually, then as I stated, "If he decides to try the sexual side of it, perhaps then he can either discuss his predicament with his g/f or break off the relationship." Obviously I do not ask him to cheat on his g/f and I think only he will be able to clarify his original statements.

Craiger
 
You must be honest with your girlfriend. If she truly loves you, you should come out to her. However, that may be a tricky situation if you are ultimately wanting to experiment with a guy. Either she opens up the relationship to let you experiment, or you must break up with her. Don't be dishonest with her.
 
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