Mental Health >> Stopping Nightmares / The Ability To Control What You Dream About During Sleep

[jdcnow]

Just a heads-up fair warning that while certainly not intended, what you are about to read might be more than a little disturbing or even psychologically triggering to some. Reader's discretion advised.

Hello to all - I hope you're doing well.

Most, if not all of us have had nightmares off and on down through time, probably, mostly as kids.

My nightmares do get pretty disturbing, especially the death dreams - where I end up literally dying in the dream.

I have a lot of dreams from time to time where I'm literally being put to death - executed. Like death row executed. Mostly lethal injection procedures.

I see crystal clearly the aqua-marine colored room - the death chamber, and the plain white gurney with the straps. I don't fight or struggle the guards as they lay me down and strap me in. The technician comes over with the IV line, prepping my left bicep for the magic moment. They stick the needle in that spot on the other side of my elbow, where the arm bends - that's where they can find a good vein. I'm hooked up and ready to go. I'm told that I'm being executed for the crime of being gay, and I'm asked if I have any final words. I say nothing. The word is given, and I'm put to sleep.

I usually wake up from the dream freaked out - who wouldn't be? I had a lethal injection nightmare when I was told I'd need foot surgery, and that's probably why I initially had a panic attack over the thought of having surgery.

I had an electric chair execution nightmare last night/this morning. It was equally disturbing. I won't go into the gory details so as to spare you. If you've seen any drama movie where there is an electric chair execution performed, then you know already.

I remember at my 2010 suicide attempt (not to worry - I'm in a much better place in life, now), I couldn't tell you whether it was real, or a nightmare or what (as I overdosed on 40 sleeping pills and was about to die in real life, anyway. To save me and counteract what I'd done to myself, they had to pump me with so much Benedryl until I literally turned Banana Republic Yellow.) But I remember going up in the clouds, and at the gates to the afterlife (or whatever is after this life) I met up with an angel who told me that it wasn't my time to go yet, and that I was being sent back.

Just a sampling of some of the completely weird, and incredibly screwed up dreams I have had in my life.

I specifically am asking for help here in dealing with the execution dreams - is there anyway you all might know of to stop the nightmares from happening?

Running a Google search, I came across this WikiHow article on controlling dreams. Basically the method prescribed here is to keep a written journal of what dreams happen vs. the dreams you'd like to have during sleep?

Any and all suggestions greatly appreciated in advance, so that I can get back to beneficial, restful sleep. Some days/nights I go to bed, I wake up, and I end up so unrested that it doesn't feel like I even went to bed! #aggravated...

Thanks very much.

 

[palbert]

Your new insurance kicks in Wednesday, Mental health is covered. Seek counseling to resolve this.

 

[jdcnow]

^ Thanks. I intend to. Next appointment with my therapist next Sunday at 10am Central. Will definitely cover this.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

Disclaimer: Not psychiatric advice

..... I'm told that I'm being executed for the crime of being gay, and I'm asked if I have any final words. I say nothing. The word is given, and I'm put to sleep......

Your nightmares suggest you have some internal conflict about your sexuality.

 

[jdcnow]

Disclaimer: Not psychiatric advice

Your nightmares suggest you have some internal conflict about your sexuality.

Thanks for you post. Yeah, 28 years in a very "Christian", aggressively hyper-homophobic small town, before the opportunity presented itself in 2011 to move here to Dallas, to [strike]the city[/strike] modern civilization. I've got a lot of mental and emotional damage to work through from that. I clearly need to work on accepting who I am, as a gay man more. Professional help - even to the point of psychiatry and medication - may be what I need to accomplish that, and finally put the demons of my past to bed at last.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

jdcnow, do you have any progress to report?

 

[jdcnow]

^ Thanks.

I've been seeing a licensed therapist since Thanksgiving, and the execution nightmares and dreams of dying in general are part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. As it turns out, I am a shining, textbook example of blatant, clear-cut PTSD.

My therapist wants me on a medication that has helped her, herself, in the past - Wellbutrin. At my therapist's instruction, I've sought out a general practitioner doctor in the area, who can get me started on Wellbutrin until I can get in to see a full-blown psychiatrist. I have an appointment with a GP Friday at 10.30am. I'll sign a HIPAA release, legally allowing the doctor to discuss me, and my mental state with my therapist, and vice versa.

Also, at my therapist's instruction, I've made an appointment with a full-blown psychiatrist, for, I believe March 10th at 3pm.

I haven't had much time to dream - or even sleep, for that matter, as my ridiculous schedule has ran me absolutely ragged. Holding down 2 jobs and putting myself through college at the same time is tough, and it's something most people wouldn't do, because it's so hard. The good news is, my online algebra class is on an accelerated schedule, so I will be done with it (and hopefully passed) by early next month, and that'll let me focus on just the one speech class I'm also in, and get some rest.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

Good to hear about your progress It sounds like you have taken a lot of responsibility to resolve these issues; a lot of people are afraid, and never seek out help at all.

Your schedule sounds incredibly grueling; it isn't surprising that you are stressed, I think any person would be under the circumstances! Keep in mind (if and when you get frustrated) that frustration is perfectly normal considering how much burden you are carrying by yourself.

 

[Benvolio]

Some medicines can cause bad dreams, but I assume your doctor has explored that with you. Still, I suggest that you google each of your drugs and review the list of side effects.

 

[palbert]

You can get info and feedback on drugs at www.askapatient.com. I have found it helpful.

 

[Benvolio]

Some medicines can cause bad dreams, but I assume your doctor has explored that with you. Still, I suggest that you google each of your drugs and review the list of side effects.

Of course, you should not stop any drug without consulting the doctor.

 

[jdcnow]

I went to the GP yesterday. He prescribed me Wellbutrin and wanted to give me Valium!

I know me, and my addictive-natured personality. While I don't currently have any known addictions to anything negative (ie. drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, etc.), my nature is that I can fall into an addiction easily if I don't watch myself, so I said no to the Valium. So he gave me Ambien instead.

The Ambien I just want to take on an as-needed basis, but Wellbutrin must be taken everyday like clockwork.

This morning, I started my first dose of Wellbutrin. I find this odd - most people say that Wellbutrin takes a whole month of using it to actually work. Yet I felt the effects measurably after 2 to 3 hours afterward this morning - rather immediately. I haven't had one racing thought all day.

I just woke up from sleep - no execution nightmare. In fact, I don't remember what I dreamt about.

I'm going to go over this with my therapist in the morning. But so far, so good.

 

[jdcnow]

I just got back home from my therapist. It's a good thing I turned down the Valium. When I told her that the doctor wanted to give me Valium, my therapist's chin hit the floor, and she was not one bit happy. She flat told me to be thankful she wasn't there, or she'd knock hell out of him, lol...

I told my therapist why I turned down the Valium - because of the risk of addiction, and he gave me Ambien instead. I told her that the pharmacist at my work told me to take the Wellbutrin on time everyday. But the pharmacist also said to take Ambien only on an as-needed basis. Turns out it carries a serious risk of addiction as well.

My therapist also works part time for one of the social service operations for Dallas - I believe Dallas County Suicide Hotline, for which sometimes she has to go out and meet people at odd places (sometimes even at a burger joint) to do one-on-one counseling with people. In her practice, she has came across a plethora of issues. And the one thing she warned me of is that Ambien does indeed carry an addiction risk. And sometimes the addiction can grow severe enough to where the ramifications of the addiction involve the criminal justice system. Duly noted.

So I will be doing my best to not take Ambien at all - just the Wellbutrin.

Next week, my therapist has advised me to be ready to get into some of the darkness from my childhood. I'm kind of nervous, because I shut down very easily, especially when having to revisit the abuse of the past.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

...

Next week, my therapist has advised me to be ready to get into some of the darkness from my childhood. I'm kind of nervous, because I shut down very easily, especially when having to revisit the abuse of the past.

How did that go?

 

[palbert]

Jdc, I've been in the very dark places - sex abuse starting in 3rd grade - so want you to take your time in sharing with us. Recovery is a long and painful process.

 

[jdcnow]

^ Duly noted, palbert. And

How did that go?

Very well. At places where my therapist thought I'd shut down, I just kept on answering her questions as best as I could. So Wellbutrin is helping, and helping a lot. Also, it is helping me knock some pounds off - I'm down about 10 pounds in a week and a half. So that's a very nice bonus. Still haven't touched the Ambien at all, and don't intend to. To be quite honest, I think the Wellbutrin is helping me sleep better on its own. My headspace is a lot more calmer than it used to be.

On an interesting side note, in my speech/communication class, we've been discussing non-verbal communication, more specifically - how we as humans deal with ourselves inside our own heads, and our thought patterns that turn into behavior patterns. Turns out it's a completely normal thing to have voices in your head - it's part of the human condition. As an example, think of 10 people each representing different parts of your personality, and those 10 people all share only one microphone. Whoever controls the mic controls what you say and do. It's when those 10 people - the different parts of your personality start arguing and bickering with each other, and start getting out of control that you start having problems.

 

[mirlox]

On an interesting side note, in my speech/communication class, we've been discussing non-verbal communication, more specifically - how we as humans deal with ourselves inside our own heads, and our thought patterns that turn into behavior patterns. Turns out it's a completely normal thing to have voices in your head - it's part of the human condition. As an example, think of 10 people each representing different parts of your personality, and those 10 people all share only one microphone. Whoever controls the mic controls what you say and do. It's when those 10 people - the different parts of your personality start arguing and bickering with each other, and start getting out of control that you start having problems.

That's very interesting, I often hear voices when I'm alone or just about to fall asleep, usually being woken up by screams or loud sounds.

I'm agnostic, yet, I still believe that ghosts exist, I also believe that either the 2 houses that I have lived in my life so far are haunted or that I am haunted as I always hear and see things, that plus an inexplicable fear of the dark and of an old porcelain doll that my mother owns, have only helped me believe in supernatural things, I'm yet to decide if it's just my head that is defective or that I genuinely can feel odd stuff.

And on the nightmare stuff:

I always had nightmares related to my family, friends and even myself. When I was younger, I'd have nightmares every Saturday to Sunday night, it would cycle between my parents disappearing when entering a shack where a man with red eyes would come out of and chase me and a nightmare where my parents would leave me behind on a supermarket. When I got older, I stopped having those nightmares to start having a nightmare where I was shot on my way back home from school.

Later in my life, when I first watched the Resident Evil movie, when a zombie was appearing and screaming in the screen, the lights went out, I was alone home and since then I have had an huge fear of zombies.

After that night with the Resident Evil movie, my nightmares are all about being trapped in places and a zombie outbreak happening, so far I have been trapped on a ship where zombies started to overrun and I ended up killing myself, zombies entering my house and I end up having to kill my grandfather(who I never met) as he became a zombie, me escaping a school full of zombies, leaving the gate open and noticing that I'm meters away from where my parents work and that they don't believe in me. Usually, after a nightmare with zombies, I wake up and remain there in my bed, not being able to move, only breathing and looking at the ceiling, I usually remain in that paralyzed state for some minutes, but I have been up to an hour like that before.

Another thing that frightens me is that I have something comparable to day-dreaming but about nightmares. When I close my eyes, I usually see the face of an old man, but it isn't like he is smiling or even alive, but rather his face is putrid, rotting. And it is very realistic, I have lost my appetite countless times because of how detailed it is, just like if I was there, looking at it, sometimes I even get to feel the smell of it..

I've been thinking seriously in going to a psychologist, I REALLY need to do so, I have been depressed for over an year, I gained weight because of it and lost interest in doing anything with my life. After I met my now ex-boyfriend, I started having anxiety and panic attacks, cried myself to sleep countless nights and even almost tried suicide(already had the razor in my hand). The only thing stopping me from going to the psychologist is also one of the biggest reasons as of why I'm depressed, I found out I was gay in 2012, instead of being able to find help on how to take that in my life, I had to hide it from my parents, they are homophobic, racist, xenophobic and the list continues.. I can't just tell them why i'm going to a psychologist, and even if I lied, I would have to say the truth to my psychologist, and even if he did take a vow on not telling anyone anything on their patients, it is my parents, not a random person asking about me. The other reason as of why I'm depressed is my ex breaking up with me, and he broke up with me because I wouldn't go see a psychologist. Notice the cycle?

I sincerely have no idea on what to do with my life, but I wish you the best in yours! Please keep us updated!

 

[bankside]

You know, medication can maybe change the likelihood of nightmares, and maybe your reaction to them. If they are disturbing, maybe that's a good choice.

But I think dreams also serve a natural function. My understanding is that dreams are a tool the brain uses to evaluate life experiences for important information.

If so, maybe it is a useful experience for you. In your conscious mind, you are already wondering about a link with the events in 2010. I have no reason to doubt that. To me, a dream about being executed is a dream about death being beyond your control. I'm guessing, but in 2010, did you perhaps feel like everything was more out of control than you had ever felt before? It could be your brain is having these dreams to try to figure out a way to avoid that kind of situation again. It could be your brain is re-playing this kind of dream to rehearse new ways of surviving impossible desperate situations. I wouldn't assume it is all negative or ominous. You might have reached a point where the subconscious part of your mind feels healthy enough to bring back bleak days to analyse what went wrong.

I would go to sleep prepared, thinking to myself "If I have a dream like that, I want to figure out what I can learn from it." And I would try to remember the dream the way it usually plays out, and think about the point in the dream where I would say "OKay! I'm not getting it! If I'm trying to teach myself something, I'm only confusing the student! Enough!"

That's what it boils down to: Dreams come from within the mind, and I think some part of your mind thinks it's trying to do something helpful and provide some learning opportunity about how to react differently. The rest of your mind doesn't have to put up with that if it is just stressing you out and leaving you without sleep. But I say, give credit where credit is due, and go into your next dream realising there may be some value in it apart from just trying to scare the bejeebus out of you, even if it is just the opportunity to say "NO! I REFUSE!" Even if waking up and realising it was only a dream, is the only lesson.

 

[jdcnow]

Just a progress report on how I'm doing.

Wellbutrin has helped immensely. I started out on the 150mg dosage at the prescribing of a GP. When I got in to a psychiatrist, he upped the dosage to 300. After having an emotional crashing episode the first night of the upped dosage, I haven't had any real problems since. The nightmares have almost completely stopped.

And in my weekly counseling session with my licensed therapist, I think we've finally hit a long-awaited paydirt - there is a specific abuse-natured-incident that happened to me when I was in high school. It would forever alter the course of my entire life. I'll spare you the details of the abuse, but it is so beyond dark in my psyche that I can't talk about it aloud. I wrote my therapist an email last week, giving my eyewitness account of what happed. I just stuck to the facts and reported the incident in sharp detail.

My therapist wants me to read the email out loud to her, in her office. I'm not sure if I'm emotionally able to handle reading what I wrote out loud. It's absolute terror, what I wrote. I'm not sure if I can handle reading it to her without suffering a mental break. It makes me nervous to the point of emotionally and mentally shutting down to even think about what I wrote in that email.

But I'm trying my dead-level best to hang in there.

 

[palbert]

Just a progress report on how I'm doing.

Wellbutrin has helped immensely. I started out on the 150mg dosage at the prescribing of a GP. When I got in to a psychiatrist, he upped the dosage to 300. After having an emotional crashing episode the first night of the upped dosage, I haven't had any real problems since. The nightmares have almost completely stopped.

And in my weekly counseling session with my licensed therapist, I think we've finally hit a long-awaited paydirt - there is a specific abuse-natured-incident that happened to me when I was in high school. It would forever alter the course of my entire life. I'll spare you the details of the abuse, but it is so beyond dark in my psyche that I can't talk about it aloud. I wrote my therapist an email last week, giving my eyewitness account of what happed. I just stuck to the facts and reported the incident in sharp detail.

My therapist wants me to read the email out loud to her, in her office. I'm not sure if I'm emotionally able to handle reading what I wrote out loud. It's absolute terror, what I wrote. I'm not sure if I can handle reading it to her without suffering a mental break. It makes me nervous to the point of emotionally and mentally shutting down to even think about what I wrote in that email.

But I'm trying my dead-level best to hang in there.

Look forward to the day you can read the email aloud and discuss the incident. I've been there - texting my therapist in the middle of the night, etc. It gets better.