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Messed around last nite with best friend...now I'm confused

F

Fizzboy7

Joined
Oct 2, 2009
Posts
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Location
The 305
Hey guys. This is my first post on here...I just needed to get some advise because I haven't been able to sleep very well last night. Here's my situation.

I've always been bi-curious and wanted to see what it was like to mess around with another dude. I've always had girlfriends and everyone one I know thinks I'm 100% straight. I moved to Miami about 2yrs ago to complete a Masters program, and between work and school I don't really hang out with too many friends.

I met my buddy online about 6 months ago. I decided that I wanted to try messing around with a dude. So, there was a dude on the site that wanted to meet up with someone for a little cash because he needed some help. We exchanges a few emails...then I met him at his place. I'm only 26, very much in-shape and not to sound conceited, but people tell me I'm a good-looking guy. I knew that I didn't really have to pay $$ to mess around with another dude but I just wanted to help someone out while I had my had my first guy experience.

We messed around for 'bout 30 minutes (nothing too crazy...not even any fucking..just oral). Then he asked if I wanted to go grab some food real quick, so I said yeah...that's cool. We talked for a bit....he's 22, but was married to a girl up in NY and is now getting a divorce since he spent 3 months in jail and moved back to Miami. So, after our night was done, he asked for my cell #, and I dropped him off at his place, thinking he was a cool guy, but he'd never call again.

The next day was Saturday, and he called me at 10:00 that morning. He wanted to hang out and go to the mall and then to the beach. We chilled almost all day, then we went back to his place and messed around again.

Since I met him, we have been hanging out everyday single day. I usually met him at his place and we just chill and sometimes smoke one. I've even met his parents and grandparents and a couple of his friends. None of them know how we really met and they just think we're good friends.

About 6 months went by, and we didn't do anything sexually, but we still hang out almost everyday. He doesn't have a job and I usually pay when we go grab some food or a beer. I've given him cash many time just because we became so close as friends. Over the time since we've known each other, we've become really close to the point that we're like a couple...but there had been no sex.

All that changed last night when he said he needed money so bad that he would do anything if I could give him some cash. I was really shocked because all of this time, I thought that I was more than still just someone he sees as one of his customers that gives him money. I was so horny and I've been really wanting to mess around with him again because it had been 6 months since the first time. When I got home last nite, I was really depressed because now I thing I may have messed by our friendship and I'm confused. I told myseld I'm stupid for doing this.

Now, I really think that the whole time that we were hanging out and being close friends for the past 6 months, he still only saw me as someone to give him money, and not as a real true friend, or maybe he really wanted to take our friendship to the next level, but used the money as an excuse to take it there. I really enjoyed it, but now I feel like I'm just being used for money.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading, but I just needed to vent and get some advise about this. Thanks guys.
 
hey cash register, the price of friendship just went up. this is not a best friend, this is a user who figures you've taken the bait and now he's gonna reel you in.

my advice...ring up a nosale and move on before you lose all your fizz.#-o
 
Yup, he's using you as a free ride. End of story.

Now, escape while you still have some shred of dignity and never look back.
 
Lefty, thanks for the reply. The only thing is that it.s not that easy to just up and stop hanging around with him. Maybe it's because for the past 6 months that we've known each other we chill everyday. He's really a big part of my life, and I'm a big part of his life now too.

In a way, I feel that he needs me to help him right now in life. For example, I'm helping him with his resume for getting a job and I also helped him apply for his EBT card do he can buy food until he finds a job. He has even said that he has love for me, and I said the same thing to him. I'm sure that when he gets his own job and gets a car, we'll still be close friends.

Just last week we were talking and I brought up the subject of I think he's using me for money. He told me that's not true and he never wanted to make me feel that way.

Deep down I just think that he really wanted to mess around with someone, didn't care if male or female, but really needed some money too. He knows that I help him with cash when he needs it just because we're friends...but maybe he wanted to make me feel as if I'm getting something in return for giving him the money.
 
You say you've been chilling with this guy for six months, met his fam and that he has love for you. Although the money issues seems to really complicate things, I don't see any reason why you can't have an open and honest conversation with him. Just tell him how you're perceiving things. Maybe he's having tough time getting on his feet, or, based on what you said, he might be playing you. The conversation might hurt him, but you sound like your hurting right now. Regardless of what anyone else says, the final decision is on you. If you feel like he using you, then let him go. I know cutting him off will be difficult, but would you rather be a doormat?
 
If you want to continue to be friends with this guy, stop giving him money. It would be fine if a friend asked for money with the promise to pay it back, but it sounds like you are just a sugar daddy. So my suggestion is try to continue to be friends with him, if he asks for money, just say to him that you can't give him any money since you are "running low on funds". See what happens after that.
 
I appreciate your post Bounder. I just wanted to say that there have been times when we go somewhere to hang out he's told me that I'm spending too much money and he doesn't want me to spend that much on him. And I'm sure that the only reason he asked me again for some cash last night is because he already had spend all the money that his mom gave him a few days before, and he couldn't get in contact with her to ask for more.

The only thing is that I'm confused as to why he would want us to mess around again after it only happed once....and that was 6 months ago. Especially since he's always talkin about girls, even though he admitted that he's bi and has no problem messing with dudes. He's even mentioned before that he was wanting for us to have a 3-some with a chick.

I just wish that I would have never given in to what he wanted last nite and I shouldn't have when thru with it...even though I've been dying to mess around with him again. But I was hoping when it happened, it wouldn't be because he needed money. Our relationship just now seems strange to me. I'm sure he'll call me tonite and wanna chill. I know I need to have a talk with him sometime this weekend.
 
Your a walking ATM for him. Cut the cash and see what he does, that will show you more of where he is coming from.....
 
Wow. You guys posts are confirming what I was afraid of. I'll try not helping him out anymore for a while and see what happens.
 
You are his sugar daddy. People who've been in jail/prison are the world experts in using gullible men and women for a cash machines.

Cut off the funds, dinners and alcohol (and any other "presents") completely and permanently and see how close a "friend" he really is.

And if you paid him to have sex with you last night, he's also a prostitute, and you're the john.
 
There was a very good gay movie with that theme .. but I forgot the title :(
Just there it was the other way around, a callboy who thought he had become more than a callboy to a client ..
Anyway .. I have not much to add. If you stop giving him money it probably will stop working with you two. That being said - I hope you know what to do.
 
Ok guys. After reading more of your comments, I have to admit that maybe I was wrong for letting this go on for so long. The more that we hung out, the more that I enjoyed being around him because we had so much fun hanging out....he's a really cool guy.

See, the thing was that I was lonely here in Miami without any of my family here, and not any friends that I could go out & chill with. Through him I met some of his friends and I began to network, now I know a lot more people...even tho we're not as close as me & my buddy.
Also, I was starting to fall for him and I knew I would be jealous knowing that he was still posting ads online meeting with other guys and having sex with them. That's why I was glad when his computer broke and he couldn't go online anymore and try to meet up with any other guys.

And the fact that I am the only guy that he met online and he is friends with, made me feel as if I was seen as more to him as just customer that helped him out with $$$. Or maybe it's because I'm around his age and he doesn't mind hanging out with me.

His mom thinks that I'm such a good guy for being a friend to her son, and being there for him when he needed anything. She even suggested that we get a 2-bedroom place and become roommates.

Overall, I guess I was desperate for a friend and didn't mind spending money on him when we went places. But deep down I really believe that if he had his own cash he would pay me back.

Also, he comes from a good family with lots of money, but they want him to try to make it on his own and not support him all the time. And it's not as if he doesn't want a job. He asks me to help him apply online for positions all the time.

Thanks again guys for reading...I appreaciate the feedback.
 
Fizzboy7 said:
Now, I really think that the whole time that we were hanging out and being close friends for the past 6 months, he still only saw me as someone to give him money, and not as a real true friend, or maybe he really wanted to take our friendship to the next level, but used the money as an excuse to take it there. I really enjoyed it, but now I feel like I'm just being used for money.
Click to expand...

The Sugar Daddy is always the last to know. Nobody tells someone they want to date they'll put out for cash.

I'm sure for sufficient financial remuneration he'll be happy to pretend to be what ever you want him to be.

On the other side, I've seen some pretty successful financially based relationships, just as long as you both know what you're getting and you both know the score. Go for it. But don't confuse it for love, or forever, 'cause that's not the point.

p.s he doesn't want a job, he has a job, you're all paying him. Which makes you the boss doesn't it.
 
fizzy, we are interested so don't let us down, keep in touch and let us know how it all PANS out so to speak....seriously, we do care.
 
Thanks Lefty, and everyone else that posted too. I plan on having an in-depth convo with him tonight about our friendship and let him know how I feel. I'll keep you guys up to date on the outcome.
 
If you give up the illusion of pure friendship this could work. The question is do you have the $ to keep doing this, and are you ok if he's a friend/fuck for pay? If so, what's the harm in continuing as is? Hell, friendships are built on flimsier circumstances. If you're hoping for something deeper, read the other posts.
 
You are making the right choice. You can't base a friendship on handouts. If he's a true friend, he'll stick with you to the end. But right now, he has to grow up and make his own money. No friend should constantly be asking another friend for handouts.
 
Well, I'm going to play devils advocate here...

Fizz, I'm not sure that someone really does spend 6 months chilling with someone just to get a hand out for sex.

My guess is that this guy is a lot like you. Lonely, and maybe really in need of help.

Yeah, you might like to share and help him out every now and then when you go out, but hell I do too with my friends and I'd like to think they dont see me as an ATM.

I guess what I'm saying is this.

Its time to have a serious talk to this guy, not throw the baby out with the bath water.

You've got nothing to lose... good friends are honest and open. Sit him down and explain to him your regret and ask him why he suggested that it would take sex for you to help him. Ask him if he sees you as a client or a friend... you'll know whether or not hes lying.

And then lay down some ground rules. Help him sort out his mess... do what you can to get his life in order with him so he can stop mooching of those who care for him... his mum included. It honestly sounds like he needs guidance not money.

Friends dont buy each others friendship Fizz. They support each other, even financially if needs be if thats whats agreed to to help out, but importantly they trust each other. Nows the time to find out if thats possible here before you walk away.
 
If you have some time, read the post:

Undying love for my friend by LostVegas.

Very similar to your situation.
 
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