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Miss being single - is this normal?

Colien

Colien

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Hey guys,

I've only posted once or twice here but I though it would be the best anonymous place to ask this question.

I'm 20 years old and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (also 20) for almost a year and a half. It's become really serious talking about our future and kids, we've met each other's family and really got on well with them and feel at home with them. I really do love the boy. Loads. I have a great time with him and cannot bear to see him come to any pain.

But recently I've been kinda wondering what it would be like if I was single again. Our relationship started pretty soon after we first met and I'd only ever had sex once before I met him and only kissed two people. He, on the other hand, had been with many people before we got together.

I feel like I'll never have the opportunity to have fun with different types of people and experience my greatest fantasy (having sex with an older, aggressive guy). My boyfriend is really nice but his "aggressive" side in bed is still gentle.

I've never cheated on him and, hopefully, never will. He kissed and jerked off another guy in a club once but we got over that.

I don't know if any of this extra information is relevant but I just want to know if this is a normal feeling? It only started a few days ago and we do sometimes talk about if we miss being single (him telling me that there are people he's curious about having sex with).

Is thinking about an open relationship a normal phase? Is it normal to kind of miss being single? Has anyone else ever felt like this?

I really feel like I'm the only one.
 
totally normal mate, especially at your age. You're really young and need to experience more as you have just said. Why don't you talk to your boyfriend about an open relationship? see if he's willing to do that, you both are far too young and still growing up. Just don't forget to play safe if his answer is yes, you both need to set an agreement, more than that, I think the best word would be a pact to stay safe and be cautious about getting any STD.

you're not the only one, I felt like that until my early 30's.
 
I'll always be safe.

What happened in your early 30's may I ask? Did the feeling just go away?

This guy's just gotten "comfortable" with me and treats me "like a member of his family" (ie. can snap at me if I do something remotely wrong). When other guys chat me up and talk to me nicely it, of course, feels good and I miss being single.
 
I've felt that way recently. However, the thing you have to remember is when you are thinking about someone new you are focused on his positive aspects and not his negative ones. Your current bf is likely to not compare well to that guy because of your tunnel vision.
 
Colien said:
I'll always be safe.

What happened in your early 30's may I ask? Did the feeling just go away?
Click to expand...

well, I guess it was just time to settle down and I met the right man, I tried before that to have some relationships that could last, being faithful and doing my best to make things work but there was always something that I could not handle, for instance: too many calls, closet issues, bi partners, jealous, etc. and of course I was always thinking about how it would be if I was single whenever something bad happened, sometimes I got kicked out of somebody's life too.
I've been in a relationship since I was 31, it started as an open relationship, no strings attached but as I was falling deeper and deeper and he was too, we just decided to stick together only as "we." Now mate I just can't think of being single again without freaking out. I guess the right person brings it all together.

so, you asked me that because you want that feeling to go away?
 
You're both really young, when I was your age, I was chasing every hot guy I saw, so maybe this won't be helpful. I settled down when I was ready to stop playing and got serious. So did he. We're in an open relationship, but I've known him since I was 19, and we've had this thing ever since. Together, not together, friends, friends of boyfriends, not seeing each other, and around and around, until we both hit the same place at the same time.

I do know that when we were that young, neither of us were ready to settle down, and there's no way an open relationship would have worked - hell, the monogamous one didn't work years later. We weren't mature enough to handle that kind of pressure that young.

On the other hand, I know a couple who've been together since they were both Freshmen in college, and they were monogamous for a couple of years, then opened their relationship for exactly the reason you're saying.

They've been together for 17 years now, no sign of slowing.

I guess it depends on the kind of guys you are, but whatever you do, remember that open relationships are a lot harder, and take more maturity, commitment, and confidence than monogamous ones, and a lot of people think they can handle it, when they can't. Know your own mind before you take that step.
 
At least I know I'm not the only one in the position. I've asked friends about how to spice up a relationship besides the sex. What we do is when we're both free, we try to do something together that's not just hanging around (we're both usually busy with work and school, so sometimes we don't see each other for weeks at a time). We'll go to a museum or eat somewhere we've never been to. Maintaining a relationship definitely is hard.

I'm not really sure what to offer advice-wise... but just know you're not alone :P
 
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