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Mixed signals from my sister...

M

MirrorMan

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When I was young my mom died and one of my sisters took me in... now I'm in college and meeting people and I do want to be open with her. The problem is that she is highly religious and claims that being gay is "immoral". Anyway... I know she knows I'm gay, or at least suspects it... but I just get mixed signals. Sometimes the issues of gay marriage will but on the news and I hear how wrong it is, but then we are watching an episode of "House" and one of the patients is gay and she is hoping his brother will accept him, and then in a conversation about schools she just throws homosexuality in there, "I don't want my kids learning about two men having relations."

I'm just at a loss...:(
 
I think your sister is probably trying to come to terms with you being gay. In a personal sense, it's ok. That could be why she has hopes about the tv character--she can relate to him. However, strangers she can still be against because they are distant from her.

I've had a similar experience...
 
Ya, My ex-brother-in-law is like that. Always saying things like "F***in fag!", and "ewe, fags freak me out". But then he knows I'm gay and says he has no problem with it because he knows me. Dumbest thing I ever heard but whatever. So it is quite possible she'll be somewhat accepting of you but not all those "other" gay people. :confused:
 
Perhaps it is that your sister has mixed signal wanting to accept you but being told that it is "immoral" by the church. It is something that she will need to work out for herself tho. All you can do is make the information available to her.
 
People can often preach about how wrong homosexuality is in the abstract, but when it involves someone they know and care for it's often a different situation. The comment she made about the TV character's brother accepting him is a very good sign. It means she believes family should love each other no matter what. I think your sister will not reject you when you come out to her, but I would expect she will try to convince you to change. Of course you could never change and you will need to educate her. There is a good (sticky) post in this forum section titled Parents Stages of Grief. You should read that as I think it will apply to your sister.

In the future, when your sister brings up being gay as immoral, ask her how it could be immoral when God made them (you) that way? Ask her if she is saying God is immoral for making them(you) that way? God's the only one who made a choice. When she brings up the Bible, ask her if she's going to put more creditability in what some men wrote (interpreted) as God's word or in God's actions? Challenge her thinking about the Bible, not God. There are many other items in the Bible that people now choose to ignore. You are going to fight an up hill battle for your sister to truly accept you being gay as normal and moral, but I believe it's one that you can win. After all, your sister loves you.

PS - we are neighbors, I live in Acworth.
 
Yeah, it sounds like she's dropping hints. Judging just from what you've said, she may be of the "love the sinner/hate the sin, I don't approve but I'll love you no matter what" sorts. And that's fine. Maybe not ideal, but certainly better than the "never talking to you again" type.

I'm not so sure I agree with vetteboi (and this is strange - we're usually not only on the same page, but on the same paragraph!). I wouldn't challenge your sister's beliefs. At least not openly, and not yet. Doing so would simply confirm what she's been taught - that homosexuals are anti-religious and will attempt to pull people away from the "real faith". Better, I think, to simply live life as a great, compassionate human being who happens to be a homosexual. This seems to cause more people to question their beliefs on homosexuality more than any words could ever do.

Lex
 
I understand Lex's point about not trying to convert your sister and appear to be anti-religious. The way I wrote what I wrote makes it sound like you should be very confrontational about it, which isn't what I really meant. If she's not confrontational about it, then there is not reason for you to be. I meant it more as quick response to her comments like "they were born that way, I don't see anything immoral about it", then move on to the next topic of conversation. I wrote the "them (you)" to indicate that you could either do this before or after you come out.

Lex is spot on about the hate the sin, love the sinner. I do think there is a chance she will become very confrontational about it when you come out (trying to save the sinner). Let's hope that doesn't happen, but you should be prepared to let her know that don't agree with her beliefs. Hopefully you can agree to disagree if she's unwilling to change her beliefs. I'm probably making too much out of the religious angle.

PS to Lex - so you noticed as well that we are usually on the same paragraph. A little scary isn't it?
 
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