Mixed signals....

[mikemartin]

So I've come to the conclusion my strong point isn't reading guys.

Two months ago I started chatting with a guy on a hookup app. I found him mildly attractive, and we exchanged quite a few messages over the course of a month. We exchanged numbers and started texting at some point and still hadn't met up at that point.

One Sunday I was headed back from a weekend out of town and got a text from him. We ended up planning to head to the lake and have a swim. He picked up me, off we went to the lake, had a few beers, swam and then went to dinner. While I wasn't expecting anything, he came in after dinner, we showered and had some fun in bed. The following sunday was about the same thing.

Then I didn't hear from him. I noticed every time we communicated it was because I initiated it. I even deleted him from my phone with the intention of letting him contact me if he wanted. When he finally did it went back to the same thing with me always texting him.

We didn't see each other for a few weeks and kept in sparse contact. We were supposed to hang out Saturday but he cancelled. I mentioned it would be nice to see him Sunday. He finally messaged me about 5:30 Sunday night and said he was headed over. He came over and we just drank beer and chatted on the couch, opposite sides from each other.

I'm totally unsure where we stand and what he wants, if anything. I'd been drinking most of the day and then had more while he was there(I know, bad me), so was rather buzzed after he left. I texted him and said something to the nature of "sorry for running you off and not getting you naked". He said I didn't run him off, but he had to work and knew if he didn't leave he wouldn't for a long time. He said if he didn't like me he wouldn't be seeing me still and he is very attracted to me and enjoys spending time with me. He's been talking since the beginning about moving back to a large town about 4 hours away he had been living in until about 5 months ago. In our texts he mentioned something about me "maybe make him want to stay here". That meant a lot because it kills me to think of him leaving before we could get to know each other, but I'd never discourage anyone from what they want.

I'm head over heels for this guy. He's just the perfect mix of gay and butch to complement me. He's good in bed. He's incredibly sexy in a totally unexpected way. We can talk and have real conversations, share interests and he takes sincere interest in what I say and remembers conversations we have.

My biggest issue is I just cannot get over his lack of contact. I'm not clingy. I don't want to be like that. But going a week without hearing from him makes me feel he isn't interested regardless of what he may say.

Short of sitting him down and shaking out his idea of a timeline of where he wants to be when, how should I take this guy??

 

[swdguy]

He's not the guy for you because he has problem with communications.

 

[TX-Beau]

Is there some reason you need to push this?

Why no just go with it and see what happens.

 

[Nice Boy]

Well, there are 2 options IMHO:

1) either he really has a lot of work and from objective reasons, he cannot spend as much time as you want to - however, this should be only temporary because I think that if he is to be your guy, you should spend more time

2) or he does not like you much but he denies it

Either way, I would wait some time and if he doesnt find more time to spend with you, I would honestly move on and not lose your precious time waiting forever for somebody...

 

[Seasoned]

A lot of us wait what seems like a long time to find someone who seems to fit our needs and wants. Because of that we have high expectations within hours of meeting the "perfect" guy. I'm going to warn you to slow down. Try not to jump any further than the other guy. It's difficult to know his situation and motivation on just a couple of dates.

 

[mikemartin]

Just an update, things are progressing better than the last post. I've been letting him establish some contact, and after some time, he does. I still will reach out to him, but we're getting much better.

As far as our contacts, I still see him 1-2X a week, about half the time it turns into a sleepover. We don't always have sex, which I think is important as it shows he isn't just seeing me for that.

He's decided that he is moving back to where he lived before, about 4 hours away. This crushed me, but I want him to be happy. He said he's excited to have me down some weekends and he will be here some weekends. I guess only time will show how this will all work out.

 

[Seasoned]

It sounds like there's a plan to stay connected. Make sure you still have a social life so you're not pining away waiting for the weekends. Good luck.

 

[mikemartin]

Another (almost)2 month out update. A few weeks ago we made the relationship official. Everything is going great. I've realized and accepted that he has issues showing emotion. He's getting better. He can now say "I love you" and "I miss you" pretty openly, which is a huge step for him! We've told our parents about each other, which is a first for either of us(I just came out, he has been for years). I met his dad the other day.

And I'm truly miserable being away from him and only seeing each other every other week. I'm currently looking for a job to move down to where he is.

Thanks for all the help and support early on guys!