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Mom's boyfriend on craigslist

C

csrt8089

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So, I was going through my mom's boyfriend's e-mail (I know I know...shouldn't be doing that...and her boyfriend of like 5 years...he lives with us) and much to my surprise he was answering m4m posts on craigslist. So, to try to catch him I made up a post on craigslist and HE RESPONDED! what should I do? btw, the post fits my description, but is intentionally vague. Do I respond? Do I tell my mom? Do I tell him? Any advice would be appreciated!
 
Wow.

Unless your mom is into kinky stuff that you aren't privy to, he is cheating on her. He may also be exposing her to diseases.

Are you out to your mom? Can you explain why you were looking at those CL listings?

At this point, she needs to know. You love her. This will hurt her. I would tell her - and i would tell her in a quiet, non-confrontational way. Tell her you need to take a walk or something. Talk with her without him around. It's always possible that she knows and approves (or doesn't actively disapprove).

I wish you well - this can't be easy.
 
I would tell her when you are alone with her.

I do have a question though, what were you doing in his email account?
 
Have a friend pose as the person you created and meet him. Keep things safe, jo and play. Then you will have real evidence. He could just be messing with the m4m guys and not following through.

What to do with the info?

1 Mom may not care.

2 Mom may have cut him off, surely if you live in the same house with them you can tell if they are having sex.

3 If you must, have a talk with Mom, tell her a gay friend met a guy on Craiglist and it was her boyfriend. Mom will likely be in denial so be prepared to tell her exactly what he did, exact date and time. Also save the emails and text messages you send and receive from him.

If you don't do this right they may both turn on you and kick you out. Have your proof ready.
 
What? OK you snooped through someone else's email, found something, posed on craigslist (why? you already knew.) Do you respond? Why? What would purpose would that serve?

1. You shouldn't be invading other people's privacy.

...but but but he was cheating...

If you knew he was cheating why not tell your Mom before you snooped through his email and posed as a trick on craigslist?

2. Don't make up even more elaborate scenarios to "trap," him. Do you think your Mom will thank you for that?

...Mom, I thought he was cheating because I was snooping through his email, so I posed as a trick online, then he answered, I set up some friends to fuck him just to be sure...

If you're going to tell her, don't make things worse, be a man and tell her you were snooping, tell her what you found, and get yourself the fuck out of the way - because it's not your relationship, it's theirs, and you have no business in the middle of it even if you're her son.

If you're the one lying and scheming how do you think that's going to come off?
 
know your going to get blasted for snooping and there really isn't a defense for doing it. however what's done is done and you can't "un see" what you've seen. He's obviously trying to meet up with guys if he hasn't done so already. I would print out copies of the conversation you had with him on CL and some of his emails as you may need proof to convince her. tell her you need to have an important conversation with her. you dont have to say you were snooping in his email right away. you can say you posted an ad on CL and he replied. show her his replies. if she doesn't believe its true or thinks that he was playing a game with you then I would tell her about his other emails you found. She needs to know about it. he's possibly exposing her to diseases and is lying about who he really is. It's possible your mom knows about his extra activities but I highly doubt it. it's not going to be an easy conversation to have but she needs to know the truth. what she does with the information is up to her.

good luck and let us know how it goes.

Steven.
 
How about setting up a "blind" meeting where your mom's bf can go and meet the person? do the same thing with your mom. Make sure that the other person they meet is each other. See what happens when they "meet" in a certain place.

This might backfired because once they knew who may have send the message - you.
 
Who pays the rent?
It's fucked up and all, but if he pays the rent I would find a place to live prior to disclosing this. I might confront him before mom. If you're not out, harder still.
 
How if his relationship with your mom otherwise?
 
This situation is really tricky. I would not even know how to deal with it. Maybe confront him about it first to see if he has an explanation like maybe your mom know he is bi or something and is not telling you. And are you out to him ?
 
For those of you asking--yes, I am out to both of them.

As far as I can tell, he hasn't done anything with any guys yet--both from what he's said in replies to the craigslist posts and just the overall feeling I get.

I think if anything, I'd want to confront him before I confront my mom--but I'm not sure.
 
^^^
I was actually surprised that the great majority here suggested you talk to your Mom first. I can't begin to imagine that conversation. You violated *his* privacy and you should apologize for that and at the same time try to get some explanation from him. It could be, as has been suggested, that your Mom is in on this or at least willingly turns a blind eye because she knows he's bi. And she may not want to go into those details of her sex life with her son. So I would meet with the BF first. I'd apologize for snooping but be clear that I knew he'd been posting on CL (which is actually *all* you know at this point. And I'd hear him out. I'd make it clear that my first priority was the safely and well-being of Mom so he'd better have a good explanation. If not, then I'd contemplate going to Mom.

My 2 cents.

csrt8089 said:
For those of you asking--yes, I am out to both of them.

As far as I can tell, he hasn't done anything with any guys yet--both from what he's said in replies to the craigslist posts and just the overall feeling I get.

I think if anything, I'd want to confront him before I confront my mom--but I'm not sure.
Click to expand...
 
I would somehow let him know that I know. Then see how he reacts. And no, if he would try to bribe me - I'd tell her immediately.
 
CHUCK905 said:
I was actually surprised that the great majority here suggested you talk to your Mom first.
Click to expand...

The reason why I suggested going to his mom first is because if it were me I know I would be more comfortable with my mom and would want her to know. I actually have a stepfather that I've known since I was 16 (I"m 25 now) and I don't think I could have that kind of talk with him, but that's me and my relationship with my stepdad so I might be a bit biased by my own personal experiences.

There's also the idea that if you confront her boyfriend things could turn dangerous.
 
What about arranging to meet him in a public place through your Facebook correspondence? He shows up and finds you.
 
soreknees said:
What about arranging to meet him in a public place through your Facebook correspondence? He shows up and finds you.
Click to expand...

Do you mean Craigslist?

Can you explain why you think that would be a good idea?
 
This is a problem between your mother and her boyfriend... if you do want to let the information be known, let your mother know what you found and let HER deal with it. Sure you snooped, but your loyalty should ultimately be in her favor. The more impartial you are about this, the less you'll have her think you're trying to sabotage her relationship. If you can keep the proof with you, do so. If he responded to your listing on craigslist, the convo should be enough to cover that.

Also, get ready for a storm coming for ya. You're meddling in waters that you shouldn't be treading in, but if I were you it would be my duty to let my mother know.

Best of luck to you. :)
 
Why not hire Benderboy? He had sex with his sister's husband, I am sure he would have sex with your mother's bf. Then you would have proof.
 
I wouldn't talk with the bf at all. could lead to threats, black mail and def. more lies or worse. some guys will go to extremes to keep their secrets hidden. your mother should be your number one priority. if she already knows she'll tell you she does and it's none of your business. I highly doubt its the case but its possible. you need to talk with her soon. the longer this goes on the worse its going to get for everyone involved. she DESERVES to know wth is going on.

Steven.
 
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