Money & Friendship

[More_guy2004]

I'm not sure if I'm seeking advice or just venting here..so I guess if you have advice feel free to share.

But I've known this guy now for about 5 months. He and I became close friends in a short period of time. Nothing more than that...just friends. Every morning he would make it a point to send me a text, even if it was just to say "have a good day!" We were constantly texting each other when we weren't actually together.

About a month ago he contacts me and says he desperately needs to borrow some money immediately. Without hesitation, I loaned him the money even though I did worry if I'd get it back or not. I mean I hadn't known him all that long so I wasn't sure if he would pay it back or not. But it was a chance I was willing to take.

Well he was a man of his word and paid me most of it back. He offered it all back to me but it would have put him back into a financial hard spot. So I told him to just give me part of it back and then give me the rest of it later. And I'm not the least bit worried about him not paying me the rest of it. I know he is honest.

BUT, the problem is, it seems to have strained our friendship. When we do see each other out he will talk to me like always. But the texting has stopped almost completely. If I text him, he rarely replies. We don't hang out anymore. We go for days at a time and I never hear from him; whereas before I loaned him the money, we were constantly in contact with each other.

I don't know if he is embarrassed by having to ask me for the money or what. But honestly, had I of known it would strain our friendship, I would not have loaned it to him. Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[sixthson]

A proverb says "the borrower is servant to the lender". Your friends is now your servant, so to speak, and it sounds like it makes him uncomfortable. I would make a point of talking to him and tell him the money is only an issue between you if he makes it one.
This is assuming he was really your friend in the first place, since you didn't know each other that long.

 

[Seasoned]

Without talking to him it'll be difficult to know what's going on. Is he being avoidant so the friendship ends and then, in his mind, he doesn't have to repay you? It is probably best if the two of you talk and set up a repayment plan.

 

[racer2438]

Money always strains any relationship.. and ruins some along the way.

borrowed money between friends/family hardly comes out good in the end..

 

[genthree]

borrowing money from friends sends a chill wind across friendships - bottom line , don't do it. (Neither a borrower nor a lender be...) stolen quote.

 

[More_guy2004]

How true you guys were. The friendship came to an end

 

[Rolyo85]

What happened?

 

[Telstra]

Yeah I hate oweing or lending money.
Unless I or him forget his wallet or something.

 

[bananagoof]

What happened?

I don't mean to pry into your business...but yeah...how did it end? Is he upset with you for bringing the topic up or something?

 

[guyfromNY]

I remember hearing Oprah once say that she will give a friend money, but she will never loan it. It destroys the friendship.

 

[Wyzeguy]

I'm sorry to hear that it turned out that way. Money between friends is always a difficult issue to navigate. A lot of people go back to the old "neither a borrower nor a lender be" slant. The trick is, it can be just as damaging to a relationship when you have to deny your friend a loan. I've been treading as similar line with my roommates who are less financially secure than I am. So far they've been good about paying their portion of the rent and expenses but I know it's often a hardship for them. Whereas I have savings and have budgeted for my major costs they're frequently down to their last 10 dollars after paying the rent. I'm worried that i'll be in the position of being asked for a loan someday soon and I know it will be as bad for our friendship if i say no as if i say yes. Consequently i've been downplaying my level of disposable income a lot recently, which is no fun. I don't enjoy pretending to be broke, and hiding any new purchases. Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread. All i really meant to say was that it's a shame things ended the way they apparently did, but i have a feeling there's nothing else you really could have done without damaging your friendship in another way.

 

[bananagoof]

I remember hearing Oprah once say that she will give a friend money, but she will never loan it. It destroys the friendship.

This is probably the best way to think of it. Only "loan" money to a person you'd be comfortable giving that money to. If they're a good friend, they'll pay you back quickly so as to not strain things. And if they don't, well then you already went into it telling yourself it was a gift. If you're not comfortable giving this person money, don't loan them any. Your gut is telling you you're being used or they're probably not trustworthy.

 

[More_guy2004]

Sorry for the slow response guys. But the friendship ended because I asked for my money after weeks of him avoiding me and the issue. Got the money back, but lost a friend in the process. But the way I see it now, we were never really friends; otherwise he would have paid me back and would have not ignored me or the issue.

 

[HunterM]

Like other have stated, give money to friends; don't loan money to them. If the amount is greater than what I can afford to give away, I would tell that friend that I can only affort to give this amount (like a donation). He would have to get (raise fund) the rest elsewhere.

 

[yhtang]

Got the money back, but lost a friend in the process. But the way I see it now, we were never really friends; otherwise he would have paid me back and would have not ignored me or the issue.

I think you hit it on the head - if he was really a friend, and he could not pay you back in time due to cash flow problems, he would have approached you. Since he avoided you instead of letting you know, you are correct to conclude that he was never really a friend.

Looking at it another way, you got your money back and discovered this person is not really a friend - well, I would say you came out victorious.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, to be fair to the guy, maybe he felt awkward about it. Also, we don't really know HOW you asked for your money back.