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Most of my good friends are older. Am I lame?

C

Cognition

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So, I'm now 26 years old. I just got a college degree. Life has been great for the last year, as I've climbed the social ladder (in school) and become one of the popular people on campus -- mostly from the perspective of faculty and instructors.

Why are most of my friends significantly older than me? Am I lame?

When I was in another relationship a year ago, I found that I couldn't 'vibe' well with my boyfriend's circle of friends - mostly 21 to 25 year olds. I found that their conversations were mundane and boring and I frankly did not have much in common with them. Neither did I have much in common with their activities - I didn't dance (and still don't), I don't go to parties, etc.

I asked my ex (who I still spoke to often) the other day an intriguing question. "Am I lame?" He responded, "yes, you are to me," and he went on to explain how I just don't fit well with other people in social settings. I stopped talking casually to him since that day. Maybe I didn't like his answer.

But I have three friends whom I talk to everday. Three older guys and one older woman, ranging from 30 to 45 years old. We converse very well! We hang out sometimes, we dine, and we generally see after each other like good friends do. I have no trouble being in the presence of these folks at all. We generally talk about work, politics, social issues of interest, and dreams and ambitions. With all that, I don't know much about pop culture, but it's never a problem.

My older friends don't intimidate me. My introverted personality bears no impact with my compatability with my older friends, but strangely enough, it does with younger folks.

So what is it? Why is it when I try to get into a relationship with someone my age or slightly younger, that it doesn't work out? Mostly due to the "I'm-not- entrenched-in-popular culture" factor - music, especially.

Am I just lame?
 
I'm not sure what liking older folks has to do with being lame?

Perhaps you're "lame," and perhaps you're not. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that there are people in your social set with whom you laugh, talk, share, and who support you when you need it. It's everyone ELSE in your life who's lame, really.

Don't second-guess the make up of your friends, unless the people you consider friends don't satisfy some need. In that case, expand your circle a bit and find people that satisfy that particular need.

Good luck and don't worry about yourself!
 
You need to be with people you're compatible with and that is the bottom line. Being in a relationship means being with a love interest not necessarily an intellectual interest. In that situation you need to make an effort with your partner's friends.
 
I agree with Seasoned. I'm almost 70 and most of my friends are younger (40's etc).
Friends are to be treasured regardless of their age.
 
Sounds like you're an "old soul"

Not that unusual

Or "lame"

Having friends is the important thing - not their ages

It's all good
 
It sounds like you are you.

What is it that makes you connect more with people older than you? Is it their different outlook on life?

The most important question is: What about this do you find "wrong" or troubling? I mean, why even ask the question?
 
Then some may say I am "lame" because I find myself fitting in more with guys your age than mine. I find guys my age boring and dull and that has been thruout my life. It would be awesome to find a young guy like you to share my life! I wish you all the best buddy!!!
 
NCDogGuy said:
It sounds like you are you.

What is it that makes you connect more with people older than you? Is it their different outlook on life?

The most important question is: What about this do you find "wrong" or troubling? I mean, why even ask the question?
Click to expand...

I have a few feelings that it's my interest in things that older people talk about that atrributes to this connection.

Perhaps I'm attracted to (platonically) and connect with people who are interested in making meaning in life. These are individuals who are not impressed with the latest music, or talking about whose pants they're going to get into, etc.

I've noticed that my younger acquaintences versus my older friends have a sizeable disparity between them: the substance of making philosophical arguments about everyday, non-personal issues that affect us all. The younger folks seem to be MUCH more into themselves - what they will wear, what someone else is doing, what celebrity is doing what, etc. And this bores the hell out of me.

What I like is the exchange of ideas, the insightful challenge I get from people more versed into issues that affect humankind, and perhaps, the lack of discrimination (what I'm wearing, how I talk, what I'm listening to) I get from my older friends who care very little about that cosmetic stuff.

So I guess the young folks bore the hell out of me, and the older friends intellectually keep me engaged. There's nothing wrong with this at all. I guess sometimes, I just want to be a 'normal' person and be accepted by people I'm usually surrounded with - those materialistic, 20-somethings.
 
Cognition said:
So I guess the young folks bore the hell out of me, and the older friends intellectually keep me engaged. There's nothing wrong with this at all. I guess sometimes, I just want to be a 'normal' person and be accepted by people I'm usually surrounded with - those materialistic, 20-somethings.
Click to expand...

Sounds pretty normal and healthy to me! You're aware of what you need in social interaction and you've figured out how to get it.

I was the same way in my 20s. In my experience, the issues you list become less of an issue as you get in your 30's as most people are done being "kids" and the realities of life tend to elicit the more measured, thoughtful perspective you describe. Not all, of course, but I've found relating to my peers in my 30s and 40s to be much easier than when I was teens and twenties. That said, I still form the closest friendships with guys 5-10 years older than me.

I thing I did was talk to my older friends, and do things with my peers. Of course, if you don't find their activities interesting, then you can either do them anyway, or just focus on your older friends.
 
Cognition said:
So, I'm now 26 years old. I just got a college degree. Life has been great for the last year, as I've climbed the social ladder (in school) and become one of the popular people on campus -- mostly from the perspective of faculty and instructors.

Why are most of my friends significantly older than me? Am I lame?

When I was in another relationship a year ago, I found that I couldn't 'vibe' well with my boyfriend's circle of friends - mostly 21 to 25 year olds. I found that their conversations were mundane and boring and I frankly did not have much in common with them. Neither did I have much in common with their activities - I didn't dance (and still don't), I don't go to parties, etc.

I asked my ex (who I still spoke to often) the other day an intriguing question. "Am I lame?" He responded, "yes, you are to me," and he went on to explain how I just don't fit well with other people in social settings. I stopped talking casually to him since that day. Maybe I didn't like his answer.

But I have three friends whom I talk to everday. Three older guys and one older woman, ranging from 30 to 45 years old. We converse very well! We hang out sometimes, we dine, and we generally see after each other like good friends do. I have no trouble being in the presence of these folks at all. We generally talk about work, politics, social issues of interest, and dreams and ambitions. With all that, I don't know much about pop culture, but it's never a problem.

My older friends don't intimidate me. My introverted personality bears no impact with my compatability with my older friends, but strangely enough, it does with younger folks.

So what is it? Why is it when I try to get into a relationship with someone my age or slightly younger, that it doesn't work out? Mostly due to the "I'm-not- entrenched-in-popular culture" factor - music, especially.

Am I just lame?
Click to expand...

It sounds like you matured faster than other people of your age group, thats not lame unless you are uncomfortable or not attracted to the older crowd, my opinion is there are not enough people like you. Most are immature for their age. Good for you...|..|..|:cool:
 
It isn't lame unless you make it patently obvious that you somehow see yourself as superior by being more mature than younger people you may meet.

Honestly ask yourself whether you do this.

I had a schoolfriend who somehow decided that he possibly couldn't have anything in common with some of my other friends and just looked like an asshat when we were together. The test of intellectual and emotional maturity is being able to move with ease among all people you may meet and to finding something interesting about everyone no matter their age, social standing, education or general interests.

If you can't do this, then yes, it is lame.
 
Don't let yourself get worked up about this issue too much. Ultimately, you like what you like.

I have had much the same experience as you. I am nineteen years old and I don't really have any close "peer" friends anymore, not since moving to university. All of my friends are about three times my age, including my boyfriend. This doesn't come off as a surprise to me, I have always felt more comfortable with older people. I am also only sexually attracted to older men, but thats not the point.

I have trouble making and keeping close friends close to my age. I often find them to be too self absorbed and unable to engage in discussion. This is purely based on my experiences. I don't really do typical young people activities. I don't drink, I don't do sports, I dont go to the mall. I am a very introverted person who finds the most pleasure in quietly reading at home.

Being an "older-young" person didn't really affect me until I had established friendships with older people and then continued hanging around my peer group. I found myself increasingly disconnected with my peers (nothing new!).
I have been trying a little bit (boyfriend thinks I could try harder...) to make friends my age. Most of the time, I don't mind it. However, my boyfriend thinks it isn't very healthy and sometimes I'd agree. This is more because I don't have many close friends of my own, anymore. You know how that works, people graduate and dissolve away.

Go where you feel safe and happy. Be around those who bring you the same.
 
No, it's not lame. (actually, i'm not sure what that means in this context).

When i think back to my own youth - I didn't particularly like the music of the 70s - or the dress - I wasn't into beer - and i really didn't like drinking at all. I wasn't about to try smoking pot.

But, i learned early on to not lecture or condemn anyone. I was at college - most of my peers were doing a lot of things that i didn't do, but i wanted to be part of it all - without anyone knowing.

So, i would go to parties that everyone was getting drunk. I would get a beer that lasted all night along - and never made a big deal of it - i don't think anyone ever noticed. I would go to dorm rooms where everyone was passing a bong - and i just passed it along - no lectures.

I would go to discos. I didn't particularly like outrageously loud bars - because i preferred to talk to people.

But i learned that there were people who were very philosophical. They were trying to find their way in the world, just as i was. I always wanted to understand not what people thought - but why they thought it. It didn't matter to me if someone was Christian, Muslim, Jew or Atheist. I wanted to learn about how that impacted their lives.

Are older people more worldly? more interesting? well - maybe as a group. But individuals are individuals. You will find people in each group that hold your interests and those that do not.

Sure, younger people (as a group) are more concerned with how they look - what other people will think of them. Many people get over that. They may be afraid to let you see the real person underneath for a while. Maybe they are afraid of who they are and what you will think. But older people have hangups as well. They often have a lot of things going on with jobs and activities - kids - relationships. They may not have the time to be as superficial. because of those responsibilities, they may not be able to party until all hours of the night - or even want to - because they know they have to get up early. They many no longer feel the need to go out just because the group is going out.

Don't just segregate by age - but you may have to try harder to find similarities in your own age.
 
I feel like in a friendship, age is irrelevant. I personally dont see age when I like someone as a friend, so its hard for me to give advice here. I would say just be friends with whoever you click with, and dont think about or worry about what age they are. Just like I'm sure you dont think about what race they are or what religion, or what gender, etc.
 
I'm 25 and I have some friends that are in their 40s. I see no problem with this.

The only reason dating someone with a vast age difference may be more difficult is that you may be at different "life stages". You two may have that 'spark' right now, but when it comes time to make an important life decision, that is when it will falter.
 
OP, You're not lame. I'm /around/ your age (a bit younger) and I work with 40-50 year olds, who all pretty much like me, and I like them.

On the other hand, I can't stand to be around people my own age. I agree with the other poster who mentioned "old soul," some of us are just like that. :)
 
Wines, cheeses, and humans mature in different ways and at different rates.

I lived through what you describe and finally figured out that I couldn't really depend on chronological age for any significant information. So, I stopped paying attention to it.

Just yesterday, I heard a coworker telling another one his age and it annoyed me, because now I'm going to "slot" him in some way that I don't want to. I'm going to work hard to forget what I heard. That's my way of coping.
 
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