Yesterday, Dad suggested I call Elaine after I asked how she was doing. I responded that I did when she was in the hospital and she said she'd call me back and she didn't. But I told him I would today. I also told him that really, Elaine and I don't seem to have much to talk about. Dad replied that that's no good and that she should be someone I can talk to. I kept my comments to myself other than that I felt there were a lot of years between us.
So regardless, after a nap till 5pm, I called and she picked up. I had planned on her cutting it short and if she was going to, I planned out just being curt and dropping the call. Anyway, it was awkward silence and there wasn't much going on. I started telling her about what I was doing during the summer and she cut me off saying that she would call me back because she wanted to send an email out before everyone went to work (at 5pm?). So I said bye and hung up.
So I lay there in bed, trying to decide whether to just turn off my phone and spite her (or just for the fact that she probably was going to call me back) or to leave it on in case she did. I didn't want to leave it on because I knew we wouldn't have more to say, but I figured if she called, I could at least tell her that I was writing up a lab report and that would be something instead of nothing. After a few minutes I decided to shut off my phone.
Then I slept again until 8:30pm and decided to turn on my phone to see if I had a missed call from her.
So I don't know which was more pathetic--the fact that she never called back or that I was somewhat hopeful that she would have.
But I know I was right. Elaine and I don't have much to talk about to one another. I don't know anything about her. I know certain emotional criticisms of her, but I don't know her. Everytime we talk, it's forced and she just doesn't communicate with any relateable perspective that I have. Sure, we love each other, but that's just because we're family, not because of any connection we have. She would never say it, probably because she would think it makes her a bad sister. But I know it's true and I feel this close to saying it.
I'm sort of upset, but at the same time, I can't blame her completely. I'm sure I wasn't such a great brother anyway for various things I did that probably showed that I didn't care the way I should have. Plus, we never really related a lot in my youth. I just tagged along.
I wonder if she communicates with Brandon a lot. Probably so. I'm really exhausting and there are a lot of abnormal qualities I hold that probably put her off or at least confuse her. Brandon seems more calm, cool, and collected. I guess he seems more self-actualized, which is just a stupid term, but for what it represents, he is it. He's probably a better brother than I am. That's an objective statement.
Later, I realized that after the upper generation dies out in our family, it'd be very easy to lose touch with Elaine. very easy. In fact, it would be easy to lose touch with my cousins, too. I'd be on my own and family-less. But regardless, after the upper gen dies, I suspect it will have felt like that whether I was still 'in touch' with my sister an dmy cousins or if we couldn't find a means to contact each other ever again.
So regardless, after a nap till 5pm, I called and she picked up. I had planned on her cutting it short and if she was going to, I planned out just being curt and dropping the call. Anyway, it was awkward silence and there wasn't much going on. I started telling her about what I was doing during the summer and she cut me off saying that she would call me back because she wanted to send an email out before everyone went to work (at 5pm?). So I said bye and hung up.
So I lay there in bed, trying to decide whether to just turn off my phone and spite her (or just for the fact that she probably was going to call me back) or to leave it on in case she did. I didn't want to leave it on because I knew we wouldn't have more to say, but I figured if she called, I could at least tell her that I was writing up a lab report and that would be something instead of nothing. After a few minutes I decided to shut off my phone.
Then I slept again until 8:30pm and decided to turn on my phone to see if I had a missed call from her.
So I don't know which was more pathetic--the fact that she never called back or that I was somewhat hopeful that she would have.
But I know I was right. Elaine and I don't have much to talk about to one another. I don't know anything about her. I know certain emotional criticisms of her, but I don't know her. Everytime we talk, it's forced and she just doesn't communicate with any relateable perspective that I have. Sure, we love each other, but that's just because we're family, not because of any connection we have. She would never say it, probably because she would think it makes her a bad sister. But I know it's true and I feel this close to saying it.
I'm sort of upset, but at the same time, I can't blame her completely. I'm sure I wasn't such a great brother anyway for various things I did that probably showed that I didn't care the way I should have. Plus, we never really related a lot in my youth. I just tagged along.
I wonder if she communicates with Brandon a lot. Probably so. I'm really exhausting and there are a lot of abnormal qualities I hold that probably put her off or at least confuse her. Brandon seems more calm, cool, and collected. I guess he seems more self-actualized, which is just a stupid term, but for what it represents, he is it. He's probably a better brother than I am. That's an objective statement.
Later, I realized that after the upper generation dies out in our family, it'd be very easy to lose touch with Elaine. very easy. In fact, it would be easy to lose touch with my cousins, too. I'd be on my own and family-less. But regardless, after the upper gen dies, I suspect it will have felt like that whether I was still 'in touch' with my sister an dmy cousins or if we couldn't find a means to contact each other ever again.