Movieye - Archived Blog Posts

[movieye]

hmmm, not sure why people blog. it's like an open diary or journal, but confession is good for the soul.

so a couple years ago, i was raped by this guy. a few years before that, i'd say i loved him, but i fell out of love when it was clear that this guy was all about sexual politics. Sex as a weapon. Beg for it, baby. Lick it up. He'd screwed anyone around him - guys and girls - as long as they worshipped him. He was so hot, he'd have a pool party and people would line up to suck him.

the farther away i get from the incident in time, i'm surprised i'm not more bitter. but i'm surprised the memories haven't faded.

oh well, why blog?

 

[movieye]

this girl i know - probably the closest thing I have to my fag hag - is leaving LA. She's had enough and she's moving back to Oklahoma.

she blogs - foolish girl - and she has gone on and on about how she returns with her head up high. she's portraying herself as a victim of evil LA and that after 7 years, she's done all she can and she returns to Oklahoma with nothing to be ashamed of.

WTF?!?!?!?

This is the girl who only works 4 days a week because she wants Friday's to sleep in.

SHe worries about cancer (her parents both have it) but she won't quit her 3-pack a day habit.

She pays $10 to have her groceries delivered - from around the block!

Didn't finish her degree in the past 7 years because she didn't want to drive all the way to college BUT rented an apartment to DOUBLE her commute to work - because she wanted a Beverly Hills address.

I'm sorry, baby, but one day, you'll have to realize you're a lazy cow. You leave LA dreams unfulfilled because you couldn't get up off the couch.

 

[movieye]

Morning of 9/11/01 - I woke up and saw a bunch of emails, asking if everyone was safe in NY and Washington. WTF? I was puzzled then worried that maybe the cities got nuked. My TV was down and I couldn't get on to CNN.com.

I drive to the office and everyone is listening to the radio or watching some real player broadcast. Our office is in El Segundo right beside LAX and the Exxon oil refinery and the rumors are that planes are headed to LA, so we decide to go home... but this fat cow of an HR woman blocks the door and says she needs to find out if we're getting a holiday or a vacation day. "MOve it, bitch." someone says, and we shove past her.

On my drive home, I watch all the planes return to LAX - giant 747's racing to land.

When I get home, I watch the news and get calls from other publicists - there's a bizarre fear that terrorists will kill Hollywood stars. What will America do if someone assassinates Tom Cruise or Madonna?

 

[movieye]

You asked me what's my pleasure
A movie or adventure?
I'll have a cup of tea and tell you of my dreaming
Dreaming is free

So work must be getting to me - I'm not been a regular JUBer but now I've visited every day, enjoying the eye candy and the glimpses of personality here and there. And I'm blogging!!!

Must say that I LOVE some of the amateur pics here. Marcde has a nice face and his gallery has a surprise pic of his long, hairy legs. What I wouldn't give to be in between those. He sort of looks like Jason Lee, what do you think? Nice hands. Yes, I know I'm thinking of my ex, but it isn't wrong to yearn for familiarity.

Mr. Cowboy at work is also driving me crazy with his teasing. He's hairy, has nice hands as well. Hasn't done much with me after his wife gave birth, but we had a couple of tight moments of groping in the office.

Need some fame and fortune so I can buy love and forget about all this teasing.

 

[movieye]

So tonight is my writing workshop. A writing workshop in L.A. can either be like a West Coast-smoke weed-get stoned and dream session. Or it can be a bitchy, "How did that bitch land a deal?" session. Ours alternate weekly.

We have one fairly well known actor in our group. He's Canadian, blonde, very cute. But he's closeted, scared shitless about being close to people, and smokes these awful cigarettes so our host had to ask him to step outside to smoke by the pool.

Because we have mutual friends, he sort of relaxes around me. Last week, he took off his sandals and put his feet on my lap. I was THRILLED and was getting ready to reach for them, to give him a nice massage, when bitch-host screams, "GROSS! Get those dirty feet down!" Scared the shit out of everyone in the room, and he stormed out, pissed. Came back half an hour later but didn't put his feet back up.

At the end of the evening, I told him, "Dude, take a shower next week so she can't complain when u put up your feet." And he laughed and hit my shoulder.

 

[movieye]

my writing workshop last nite was interesting. I guess I've always been very pragmatic. I want to learn more about writing, editing to get my manuscripts into sell-able shape. The others are writing large. I mean writing LARGE - big projects that they hope they'll star in.

Mr. cute Canadian actor showed up in white shorts and flip flops. He had taken a shower and smelled of soap. Everyone at the table watched him as he kicked off his flip flops, sat beside me and starting drumming the desk with his pen. i snuck numerous looks at his hairy blonde legs. he was full of energy. he wanted to talk about something, but the workshop has a rule that we don't talk about our personal lives. It's all about the writing, not using the workshop to land a part or find a job.

So during our first 'writing exercise' we had to pair up to write some dialogue. the funny thing was that I was supposed to write a declaration of love, and Mr. actor was supposed to write a declaration of hate. When read together, it was supposed to be an experiment in range and it went something like this:

Me: Hey.
Him: Phuck you
Me: I wanted to tell you that I love you. I mean that.
Him: Do you want to suck my cock? I think you want to suck me off.
Me (startled but reading on): You mean the world to me. I want to hug you.
Him: You make me sick. I want to kick your face in.
Me: Come here. Let me love you.
and on and on for 10 minutes.

It was a painful exercise and I was close to tears as his lines were really mean, but mr. actor kept in character until time was up and then he hugged me and said, "Sorry man. that was excellent."

when i got home, i saw my friend's Blog (see Leaving Los Angeles) and she was pissing me off because she's getting all nostaligic about going home. All she wants to do is to live near her parents and... get this.... take up with her old high school boy friend who is now divorced, with one kid, selling lawn sprinklers.

But oh no, that's not the worse part.... she turned down a job offer in L.A. She had applied for this job and it was a long shot, but they made her an offer - $60k a year! She turns it down. SHe happily tells the recruiter that she's moving home.

I am so sorry to be a bitch, but I know where she will be 12 months from now. Back in Oklahoma, living with her high school boyfriend (who she went out with for all of 2 months), fighting and screaming because he's a boring, unimaginative lump. She's always been the hypocritical crab, wanting to do stuff in L.A., but never getting off the couch. SHe's addicted to "Three's Company" re-runs. She is a lazy slug. And part of her slug personality is that she hates kids. She may think she's getting a hometown stud to phuck her, but when his 5 year old starts screaming, she'll lose it. LOOOOOOOSE IT.

 

[movieye]

Not happy about a couple things. Slept like crap last nite. Started off with a good dream, but it ended up tossing and turning all night until this phucker from a collection agency called at 8am.

The law here is that they are not allowed to call (donotcall.gov) unless you've engaged into a business relationship with the company.


So for this automated caller?
1. WHy would I call back? I don't have any outstanding bills.
2. Calling back would start a "relationship" so they can keep callling

Piss me off.

 

[movieye]

Damn dogs woke me up this morning. I have to go see my eye doctor for contacts and I might have lunch with this friend from work who is an LA wannbe. She knows the brands and always tells her kid, "Don't touch mommy's Prada!"

I want to buy a new car but I have no logical reason to get one. Mine runs fine. But I'd love to get something nicer. everyone else I know has a nicer car than I do. I arrive at a restaurant and line up behind BMWs and Lexus, but me and my little Mazda are just fine for now.

That's the problem with this city. very image conscious.

My fag hag who is leaving me to go home to Oklahoma has turned up the clock. She wants out by Feb 1. School? To hell with that, shes' going to try to finish it online. And locally her boyfriend from high school awaits her, They havent' seen eac other in 12 years, but that's OK, she says, because he hasn't changed. Not even after 3 years jail for GTA and 2 kids of his own. Whoa..... this is turning into a country song.

 

[movieye]

Sunday morning and I make my special breakfast -- Silk and cereal, coffee, oranges. I had a guest over last nite. Another up & coming actor who wanted a place to crash, take a shower and.... as far as I'm concerned, tease the shit out of me.

Sure, I'll just sit on your couch in my towel and watch TV.

He was up until 4am watching crap on sci-fi channel before he wakes me up and asks if I have an extra blanket for him to use on the couch.

None, I say. So he says can he sleep in my bed.

Sure, I say. Now I'm trying to wake up. Something happening here?

Nope, he sits up in bed, naked but a towel, reading a book on my nightstand.

When I woke up just now, he was asleep but he had left the nightstand lamp on.

He's very cute, straight. But how I hate my dog who jumped into bed to take my "warm spot" and promptly nuzzled his nose into my friend's crotch.

 

[movieye]

Could not sleep well last nite. it's been HOT here. Humid. No one has a/c and my dogs were on the war path. They didn't want to go out in the rain, but they had to pee, so I dragged them to the alley and they finally gave it up.

I prayed for the first time in years last nite. Just prayed for a little help, a little of this and that (The Big Guy knows what I prayed for). I guess it felt appropriate, and I felt better after praying.

Never been so active on JUB before but am enjoying the threads and pix.

 

[movieye]

An actor friend came over for dinner - ramen noodles, strategically placed meatballs, mushrooms and veggies. Not a bad giant steaming noodle bowl actually. For dessert, I had picked up a box of something called Soya Cake from Mitsuwa, the Japanese supermarket down the street.

Over-packaged, little pack of chemical moisture absorbent, the cake was very artificial. Must be like what they make the astronauts eat. Very spongy with artificial strawberry flavor. We weren't eating food, we were eating phood. the difference between eating crab and krab!

 

[movieye]

This guy at work is from Texas, dresses with the boots, jeans and drawl, and is sexy as all hell.

I wrote about him before in a post here... when he was hyper-horny early this year while his wife was pregnant. Managed to blow him twice, but now it's Sept and he's kept it in his pants for months.

We both sort of act like it never happened, but he won't let me massage his neck. However, when he's horny, he sits on my desk and lies back to show me that he's hard. Yesterday, he did this, and I just didn't want to stare and drool - that's his game, see if I'll rub him through his jeans - so I got up and said, "You're a lucky man. You've got it all. Wife, kids, 2 cars, house, and *that*" I nodded at his package and he smiled.

"Yep, I am blessed. You know it."

So many odd signals from him. I'm just waiting for him to whip it out rather than being 'teased' with his bulging.

 

[movieye]

My best friend in the world is my dog, Buffy. She's a dox/basset hound cross which makes her look like a big cartoon character.... Cliffy, the big red dog?

When I used to live in an apartment in Culver City, it was small, we fought with the neighbors over noise, and she was alway sick, barfing on the carpet or getting allergic skin reactions.

I moved last year to a different place. bigger, quieter. And it's been amazing how she's changed. No more illnessess. No more skin problems.

Thriving in a new environment...

 

[movieye]

I was having lunch over the weekend with a friend, and I told her I was feeling old.

"Old?" She laughed. "You've always been old."

"What does that mean?"

She then told me that I was thought like an old person. WOrrying about consequences, very serious, etc... What happened to your childhood? Your do what you like?

I was surprised. I mean, I know I'm a serious person, but I didn't think that made me an old fuck.

So now I'm rethinking life. It's sort of like credit card debt. I try to pay off my balance every couple months. But I've got friends who don't care, because they said, "Either we make it rich in L.A. and all debts are paid, or we live a half decent life until then. WTF?"

I used to think they were freaks. Maybe I'm the freak. Eat, drink and be merry - the first half goes....

 

[movieye]

Learned a new word last nite - sportfucking.

Not in the best of moods. Anticipation. Disappointment. Anger and resentment. Plans for revenge.

Need to win a lottery one day.

 

[movieye]

Fag Hag nag.

Stupid biatch calls me up drunk. Babbles on and on like a "baby girl" because for some reason, she thinks it's cute. 31 one year old with a nostalgia fixation and she thinks she's 17 and gets all cranky like a 12 year old. Abso-phucking-lootly annoying.

So this is the woman who always tells me - if I'm acting stupid, kick my ass, okay?

So I tell her to stop acting like an idiot and she gets all hurt and cranky. Ugh, women!

 

[movieye]

The Chinese word for horny apparently means "Salty Wet."

So I've met someone - a fascinating guy with big blue eyes. He's only 5'5" but he's beautiful. He likes to talk sadly about his old girlfriend (yes, a straight rebound) and because he's new to the city, he's never had seafood before. I took him out for Japanese and watched in horror as he ate shrimps, tails and all.

He is sweet and he's like a big puppy.

But there are other things weighing on my mind this past month. I feel like a slug. and I'm pissed at Ms. Fag Hag as she's now preparing to leave LA by the end of November. I'm trying hard to be civil but she's so full of self-righteous shit, it's impossible not to take her out in a verbal slap down.

Sure, LA is a tough town, but she is so lazy - how lazy is she? - she only works 4 days a week (by her own choice) but bitches that she doesn't have enough money. When I suggested she work on Fridays (which she wanted off to go back to school), she said, no, that's her sleep in time.

When I asked her about finishing school, she said, no, work is too busy.

She lies to me (and exposes her lies with her blogs) and just seems to think that she's above it all - like some battered angel leaving "Hell-A" as she calls it.

Arrrgh. And my ex had a movie out on Friday. Just to hear his voice makes me violently ill. Wish him dead times 3 million. Where are all the voodoo dolls?