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moving back into the closet at college?!

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metronome

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hey guys, it's two weeks into life at college, and I've been having a lot of fun, but I've also been worrying about my sexuality a lot. I'm not out to anyone here, and though I like my roommate, he's been saying some really homophobic things recently, for example, talking about how there are no "faggots" on our floor, and how that was a good thing. That was a wtf moment. I haven't had anyone react badly to me being bisexual, but he's clearly going to be shocked at least. I feel like he has a lot of trust in me, so I feel really uncomfortable coming out to him. At least I'm not in love with him haha.

I haven't joined up with the glbt club, and I'm afraid that I'm going to go back into the closet. I told my roommate that I wanted to talk to him about some personal stuff, and he told me he also wants to have a personal talk, but I don't know how to present it. The worst part is, my sexuality is all in my head right now, I haven't really made an effort to hook up with anyone, I've never hooked up with a guy so I don't really have the confidence in my sexuality to know for sure what I like, and that just makes it harder for someone to understand. It bothers me a lot, and I know it shouldn't.

thanks for reading, I don't really know what to do...
 
College is a new experience and right now you are testing the waters to see how things are in terms of how GLBT friendly the environment you are in is. I will say that though that college campuses in general are pretty gay friendly and that the staff at universities are very welcoming to the GLBT community. Have you met your R.A. or R.D./A.C. yet? They are trained for handling these type of situations. If you are not comfortable speaking with them seek other student affairs staff that you are comfortable talking with like your academic advisor or someone else.

If you are not comfortable going to the GLBT group then don't go, no one is forcing you. I didn't go until about a year after I came out. Are you open about being bisexual to your friends and family back home? As for your roommate you could just say that you would appreciate it if he wouldn't say anything derogatory about people who are different if you don't want the conversation to be directly towards you. When I was still coming out I would just say "Hey, i'd appreciate it if you didn't say that, I have friends that are gay and it really offends me" or I would say "So what, people are different, that doesn't mean we should say anything derogatory about them"
 
If he wants a personal talk and has a lot of trust in you, I think it could be a good thing. I can't tell you to be open and honest if you aren't ready, but it made a big difference for me.
Sometimes straight guys can sense hesitation about things, and they use their own behavior to test other people's reactions, which could be why he's saying those homophobic remarks. He might be trying to see your reaction because he has his own questions about your sexuality. Or he could be a complete homophobic idiot that needs some education, which could be beneficial for him to be living with you.

Ultimately the decision is up to you. Just remember that some people will have a problem with it, and most people won't. It's a personal decision and the only one you have to answer to is yourself.
 
Hahahahahah thats so funny!! That is what I thought, when he said he had something personel he wanted talk about. Well thats great you can support each other.
 
When you do have that talk... just let him know you don't like the remarks he has made... tell him you're bi or whatever.

I think its cool that you can have that personal talks! KEEP US POSTED.
 
Well if you tell him and he turns out to be a complete homophobic asshole you could check with the college for the human rights office or something like that. I know that in my school, at least, they treat discrimination of any kind as a severe offense.
 
To the OP I would say that it is unwise to declare something about yourself that you are not sure of. And, from what you write, it seems that you have had no experience to back up your suspicion of where you will end up on the sexuality scale.

I have been there and done all that, but I was fortunate at the age of 15 to develop a relationship with another "regular guy" and as our friendship developed we discovered that we enjoyed the physical contact with each other. We became such deeply bonded friends that the day came when we were happily engaged in man to man sex and it was fantastic and only got better with each repeat. Yet, we continued to think of ourselves as ordinary fellows who would probably do what most guys we knew did: we would get married. And. thirteen years later we were both married. Much as I loved my former male partners and my female partners, I did finally meet the one person I was willing to bet the rest of my life with. It has been a very happy marriage, but I will admit that that old feeling is still there when I meet my former partners. I accept my bisexuality, but I also honor the bonds of love when in a relationship and have never cheated or wanted to cheat.

Confused as you say you are it is probably best for you to stay in the closet. Let the rest of the world in on only what they can see. For myself sex in a loving and committed relationship is the very best; it's thrilling and transforming as well. You are fortunate if you learn that you can love a man, but you are also fortunate if you learn that you can love a woman. But even bisexual persons discover that in life one has to choose. Make sure that you are choosing where you are most comfortable and with the person with whom you are most comfortable. That may very well be a man, but stay open to the possibility that it could also be a woman.
 
well, I am open to that possibility. It's not that I don't allow myself to be with girls. I just feel kind of guilty for leading them on when I'm not really sure I'm attracted to them sexually, whereas there are guys that really do it for me sexually, and that I'm sure of. I wouldn't feel bad leading guys on, I'd just be really nervous about it b.c. I'm usually attracted to straight guys.

I do have some experience. I think I've posted in other threads, but I got head from two girls at once a few years back, and I got soft halfway through it. Not to say I wouldn't enjoy it if I were in a relationship with a girl I found attractive. I'm just saying there is some basis for my thoughts.

thanks for the input
 
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