My emotions have been completely messed up lately, and all over one person. I have a tendency of allowing one person to do this to me, and I don’t know why I allow that. Regardless of the reason(s), though, it does happen to me very frequently. On Wednesday evening, I sent the man whom I was seeing a message stating that I loved him. We were only seeing each other for three months, so I clearly said this way too quickly. Especially since he had recently told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, and just wasn’t ready for that right now. He wanted to wait and needed more time. I disrespected his wishes and understand that I moved too fast. I said I love you to him when I felt insecure with where we were. I don’t know why I keep ruining things for myself. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me.
Someone once told me that you cannot rush love, and they were right. I suppose the appropriate term would be are; they are right. My own insecurities got in the way of something that could have been great. I’m sure at this point I have scared the guy away permanently. In some ways, I can’t say I would blame him for not returning my message. He needed space, and I didn’t respect that. He’d told me that a few times, in fact and I couldn’t get over myself. I’m sure I pushed him right into the arms of another man, given my actions. Why? Why in the hell do I let my insecurities and emotions get the best of me? Why can’t I just take something wonderful slowly and allow it to progress at its own pace? Instead, I mess it up, and try to rush it! I feel such a fool as of late.
The last several days I have been so very unfocused on so many levels. It’s been difficult for me to even focus on work the last several weeks given all that has happened. Without the level of commitment that I needed out of the relationship, it bothered me and there were just so many questions as to what they were doing, and why they weren’t able to commit. Yes, it was far too soon I know a lot of folks will say that. Some of you will likely think I am possessive. To some degree you’re probably correct. I care about people so very quickly sometimes, and that’s why I get to the point where I get possessive of them. It’s probably not healthy, though, and I understand where a lot of you will be coming from. I wish I wasn’t that guy, but I can’t change that.
Since starting Zoloft a week ago, I don’t know where the anxiety/depression levels are, honestly. Clearly, given what I’ve recently gone through, my anxiety level is probably worse than when I started! It’s difficult to say whether the medication is helping or not. Overall, I do feel somewhat more calm than I used to. I do have outbursts, though, where I cannot stop crying. One of my friends reacted today and said, “Still?” While yes, it has been three days since I sent the message and didn’t receive a response back, my emotions are still screwed up, yes I will admit that. It’s funny because it hits me at the most random of times. I can be perfectly fine one moment, and then the next moment I will see myself crying at the grocery store. It’s going to take a while to get over this. Can you imagine if I had been seeing this many for longer than a year? Goodness me I don’t know how my state of mind would be then!
Someone once told me that you cannot rush love, and they were right. I suppose the appropriate term would be are; they are right. My own insecurities got in the way of something that could have been great. I’m sure at this point I have scared the guy away permanently. In some ways, I can’t say I would blame him for not returning my message. He needed space, and I didn’t respect that. He’d told me that a few times, in fact and I couldn’t get over myself. I’m sure I pushed him right into the arms of another man, given my actions. Why? Why in the hell do I let my insecurities and emotions get the best of me? Why can’t I just take something wonderful slowly and allow it to progress at its own pace? Instead, I mess it up, and try to rush it! I feel such a fool as of late.
The last several days I have been so very unfocused on so many levels. It’s been difficult for me to even focus on work the last several weeks given all that has happened. Without the level of commitment that I needed out of the relationship, it bothered me and there were just so many questions as to what they were doing, and why they weren’t able to commit. Yes, it was far too soon I know a lot of folks will say that. Some of you will likely think I am possessive. To some degree you’re probably correct. I care about people so very quickly sometimes, and that’s why I get to the point where I get possessive of them. It’s probably not healthy, though, and I understand where a lot of you will be coming from. I wish I wasn’t that guy, but I can’t change that.
Since starting Zoloft a week ago, I don’t know where the anxiety/depression levels are, honestly. Clearly, given what I’ve recently gone through, my anxiety level is probably worse than when I started! It’s difficult to say whether the medication is helping or not. Overall, I do feel somewhat more calm than I used to. I do have outbursts, though, where I cannot stop crying. One of my friends reacted today and said, “Still?” While yes, it has been three days since I sent the message and didn’t receive a response back, my emotions are still screwed up, yes I will admit that. It’s funny because it hits me at the most random of times. I can be perfectly fine one moment, and then the next moment I will see myself crying at the grocery store. It’s going to take a while to get over this. Can you imagine if I had been seeing this many for longer than a year? Goodness me I don’t know how my state of mind would be then!