Moving in with a friend...maybe

[VaseFace808]

Recently, a former co-worker who has become a close friend of mine have been talking pretty seriously about moving out of our parents homes and getting a place of our own. Yay. For both academic and financial reasons, I’ve been taking time off from full-time university life, back home with the parentals and I’m unsure as to when I’ll return; concentrating on working right now and he’s just ready to move out. Anyway, we’re 22 & 23 years of age and (as previously said) ready to try it out on our own, maybe by sometime this summer.

At the risk of sounding like a complete and utter ass - the only real reservation I have is that he has a 5 month old kid. He claims he’s not with the baby momma, but he and I hang out pretty often and whenever we’re back at his place, it’s almost guaranteed that the baby momma and baby are there as well…just to be there I guess. I mean it’s a cute kid and the girl is nice, but I’m not too terribly fond of kids. The idea of getting an apartment with my best friend and getting out of my parents house is appealing of course, but again I’m 22 y/o and I’m aware that having a kid is a big responsibility that would require a lot of attention, would bring about noise and they would need quite times for sleep and stuff like that. Obviously not the kind of fun atmosphere a guy (myself) in his 20s would want to live in.

So yes, in short - I’m not sure I want to live with someone who’s going to have a kid over 90% of the time. I’m not saying I know for certain that’s how often they’ll be there, I’m just basing this off what I’ve seen so far when he and I do hang out at his (parent’s) place.

Does that make since? I know I’m coming off sounding like a jerk, but it is what it is. Anyone else been in a similar position? Should we perhaps find other, more compatible people to maybe room with? What’s the best way to express this to someone?

“You’re my boy and getting our own place sounds great, BUT I honestly don’t want to have to see YOUR kid at OUR place every other day when I come home and have to adjust what I'm doing around your child's needs.”

 

[SayWhat]

You don't sound like an ass. It's MUCH better than ignoring it or pushing it aside and letting it become a huge issue later.

I'd honestly say to stay away. It's impossible to live with a child and not assume SOME responsibility, no matter how great the parent(s) are. You'll have to pay close attention to making sure you don't leave anything unsafe for babies around common areas of the house, etc. And if you're a decent person at all, you'll step in at any time the kid is doing something dangerous that has escaped the attention of his/her parent(s).

I think if you go this route, it will more than likely put a strain on your friendship that won't end well.

 

[looseliam]

Red flag for me.

I'd be waiting for the "hey, can you watch my kid tonight?"

 

[scooter63]

I would stay away from this situation at all costs.

While it may be nice to have a place of your own - so to speak - and be away from parents and have some control, having a room mate is one thing, but having a room mate with baggage is a whole nother story. And I am afraid that this one will have baggage that you don't want to be a part of.

One thing that popped into my head while reading your post is you say that the momma and kid are at his parents house everytime you two hang and you go over to the house. Are they living there now? And are you sure that your friend isn't angling for you to help out with rent on an apartment so that he can bring the kid and the momma home to the apartment to live there? Will that put more strain on everyone? Will you like sharing the apartment with another person along with a small child?

To many variables and too much drama here already and more to come I am afraid. If you really like this guy as a friend don't do something that might endanger the friendship and ruin it.

If you want to move out and on your own then find the right situation and the right time and place to do it where you won't be under stress and you won't potentially ruin a friendship.

Just leave it alone and if the question comes up again about getting an apartment together just tell him that you have given it some more thought and for right now you don't feel that it is in your best interests to move out and get an apartment. You can use the financially and socially avenue if you want to explain it more to him.

Best of luck to you and make sure that you use your head on top of your shoulders to think this through before acting.

 

[VaseFace808]

I would stay away from this situation at all costs.

While it may be nice to have a place of your own - so to speak - and be away from parents and have some control, having a room mate is one thing, but having a room mate with baggage is a whole nother story. And I am afraid that this one will have baggage that you don't want to be a part of.

One thing that popped into my head while reading your post is you say that the momma and kid are at his parents house everytime you two hang and you go over to the house. Are they living there now? And are you sure that your friend isn't angling for you to help out with rent on an apartment so that he can bring the kid and the momma home to the apartment to live there? Will that put more strain on everyone? Will you like sharing the apartment with another person along with a small child?

To many variables and too much drama here already and more to come I am afraid. If you really like this guy as a friend don't do something that might endanger the friendship and ruin it.

If you want to move out and on your own then find the right situation and the right time and place to do it where you won't be under stress and you won't potentially ruin a friendship.

Just leave it alone and if the question comes up again about getting an apartment together just tell him that you have given it some more thought and for right now you don't feel that it is in your best interests to move out and get an apartment. You can use the financially and socially avenue if you want to explain it more to him.

Best of luck to you and make sure that you use your head on top of your shoulders to think this through before acting.

Sorry, let me explain - Baby momma and baby aren't living there no, she lives with her parents. I just suppose she comes over to have my friend and his parents spend time with the kid? Which is quite often. I'm not sure of their exact relationship, I just assume they're on good terms like that or something.

If we did get a place together, at this point in time, the way I'm imagining it to be is that instead of baby momma and baby being at his parents house all the time, baby momma and kid would be at our place all the time. That just doesn't sound like fun for me. And I'm thinking, how the hell do I tell someone that if we do get an apartment together, I don't want to have to see your kid every other day lol.

And I definitely don't want to share an apartment with the mother of his kid, his kid, and him. Thats like living with another family...I don't think that will be an issue, but I'd just want it to be me and him there the majority of the time. Not his kid and its mother popping in and out of there too.

Aack now I think I'm over explaining myself lol. If this post is confusing please ignore it.

Thanks so much the input so far guys, please keep it coming.

 

[sixthson]

Don't be so naive. If your friend is a half-way decent father, his child will be in his apartment as often as he can manage it. The child will always come before you.
If he is a louse, he will neglect his child and the two of you can party your asses off. I hope the baby wins out and you lose.

 

[USEDCAR]

I wouldn't move in with him like someone said its going to end up being "Can you watch the baby tonight" Baby Momma Drama arguing etc. Making sure the kid doesn't get into your stuff etc and you never know they might end up getting back together and you end up the 3rd wheel.

Go back to college even if its community college get ur degree and move out on your own after you graduate.

 

[Lefty]

Dude....the others have made some valid observations.

Now, I will tell you how an old fart sees it. You are 22 years old.

You would not be 'moving' out, you would be taking a serious cut in your

allowance and having to clean up after yourself even more than now. That

isn't a stud guys pad, it is a glorified bed room and you get to share it

with your bro, sis and baby bro. Want clean clothes? Fucking laundry room

is half a building away, no milk in the refer and that bag of cookies disappeared.


"Hey bro, sis and I gotta run to the mall, can you watch lil bro for a couple of

hours?....BTW man... lil bro and sis don't need to be hearing no bumping or

squealing from your room....Cool?".


OK, I don't know all the words to the song......

but I think I can name that tune...."What Fools Believe"

 

[medic1]

Hey buddy sorry to say but i think that lefty just summed it up perfectly
as do most of the other posts you could end up with less not more
freedom. Plus there will come a time where you WILL end up arguing
with your best m8 , only because there will come a moment when you
want to have a hot guy back but as lefty says how would momma react
listen to the other posters especially lefty i have never seen him offer
bad advice on here and it sounds like you have a great m8 and it would
be a shame for you both to lose that.
Hope that you manage to work it out fella.

 

[texan_slant]

It's all about a lifestyle, and it will change.

Considering how you feel about it, I'm surprised that it hasn't come up in a conversation with HIM already;

With as much reservation as you have, I'm surprised that you've been talking about sharing a living situation in the first place.

Since it IS your best mate, it's almost like getting married (I'm over-exagerrating, though it's kinda true). If you go through with this, you have to be honest with him from the get-go. Set some boundaries ahead of time.

 

[Lefty]

Actually Loki,

reality and frugality and legality could set in.

A foursome due to the lease and guess who

would be sharing which bedroom, Pampers and all.

 

[justsimon]

If you don't like kids don't move in with someone who has one.

 

[Elwood]

I don't know whether you should move in with him or not, but if you are even considering it I think you should have a discussion with him, and ask him what he thinks the living arrangements would be? You have to know before making a decision.