Moving in

[Adam2299]

My boyfriend asked me to move in with him last night.

It's extremely tempting, considering I wouldn't have to pay any rent or bills whatsoever (plus he's already paying for my cell phone bill), so I'd basically have zero responsibilities as far as money is concerned.

I sort of like the idea of being totally taken care of in that sense, I admit it. I'd be able to save up a ton of money if I didn't have to pay rent...

The problem is, I don't know if I'm really ready to move in with him. Our relationship is going great, but something about it feels like it's going too fast... then again, I have commitment issues so maybe it's all in my head. I don't know.

If I choose to stay in my crappy apartment (over $400 a month), I need to sign the lease by next week.... ugh...

The clock is ticking.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Ask yourself, what is it that you gain as opposed to what is it that you may lose?

Do the same from his point of view.

Do your accounts and come up with a smart solution. It ain't that difficult, rite?

SC

 

[sixthson]

Just why is he paying your way in life? Is he a sugar daddy?
Have you no pride or dignity? Time to grow up and make your own way in the world. You talk about all the material benefits to you and not one word about love.

Ick!

 

[backpacker]

Money shouldn't be a consideration when deciding to move in together. It can be a nice bonus, but your relationship should be the driving force. You don't appear to be ready to move in with him for the right reasons, therefore you should decline for now.

 

[Martkell2007]

Neva eva eva think about moving in with a guy for the reasons you stated. I say this from personal experience and the experience of many others.

 

[silentalk]

I agree with the rest... but I might add a few things as well... my opinion is:

1- Start to take responsibility, act like a grownup and pay your own bills!
2- Instead of thinking about money, think about the person!
3- If you feel that you aren't ready to move in, don't move in because you are not ready!
4- If you are not committed 100%, then you shouldn't move in until you are committed, regardless of the first three points mentioned above!

 

[Adam2299]

Just why is he paying your way in life? Is he a sugar daddy?
Have you no pride or dignity? Time to grow up and make your own way in the world. You talk about all the material benefits to you and not one word about love.

Ick!

Nah, it's not really like that at all. And I DO love him, I just don't know if I'm ready to move in with him b/c it's such a huge step.

And let's be honest, if anyone had the option to never pay bills we'd all do it. Especially if you're a poor college kid.

 

[NewStart]

I wouldn't let my boyfriend pay my bills. I think its shifts the balance of power in a relationship. Unless of course, you have something genuine to contribute in return.

 

[Eagle653]

You don't say how long you've been a couple, nor what the overall state of your relationship is.

Assuming this is not a manipulative ploy on his part (getting you to move in so that you are beholden to him, or so that he can control you), then it could be a win-win situation for both of you.

Only you can most closely figure out his motives, whether they were sinister or loving.

On the surface, I'd encourage you to think about doing it. After all, you're moving in with a bf, not going to prison--you can leave anytime you want or if it doesn't work out or feel good. Besides, there's nothing like getting to know someone through living with them...

Good luck!

 

[Oden_grey]

Definitely if you could afford to pay $400 a month you can afford to contribute something financially to the relationship if you do decide to move in with your boyfriend.

However, I agree with the others that moving in is a big responsibility. You have to have a pretty good idea of who you are dating to actually start living under the same roof... because trust me, that's were you get a front seat view of all his bad habits and the tidbits that will drive you insane. If you really love him, (and he loves you) those negative experiences will be will be just a small part of your new lives together.

Furthermore, as a personal preference, a relationship has to be pretty long term for me to move in. I think your precarious financial situation would leave you with the most to lose if the relationship goes South... especially if he's the one with his name on the deed or lease. It's certainly not easy or cheap to find a place to live when someone wants you out... yesterday.

 

[youngnihilist]

If he pays for all your bills he'll have control over other areas of your life.

It's a power thing. Think about men and housewives.

With two men it's even worse.

 

[me12121]

And let's be honest, if anyone had the option to never pay bills we'd all do it. Especially if you're a poor college kid.

I am a poor college kid and the first thing I think of when something is free is, "What's the catch?"

 

[rareboy]

You're moving in for the wrong reasons.

You're wrong. In order to maintain a semblance of self respect, you should always pay your own bills. What you want to do has a different name for it.

But wait a minute. I thought your family was loaded. Did they cut you off?

 

[Adam2299]

But wait a minute. I thought your family was loaded. Did they cut you off?

No, but I'm about to graduate in something they don't want me to graduate in, which means... no more money. We're not on good terms right now.

 

[rareboy]

I thought you were supposed to graduate in meds or something. Didn't we warn you that getting your certification in necro-cosmetology wouldn't make your family happy.

Kiss and make up with them. From what I can recall, you can't do without their gravy train.

On the other hand, if you're happy with your choices and want to graduate and get on with things, be prepared to suck it up and work to contribute an equal share to all the household expenses.