The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Moving In

L

LushPuppy

Virgin
Joined
May 28, 2007
Posts
26
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Hey Everyone...

Just seeking advice here (or just and understanding what you did) when you are your BF or S/O moved in together?

The cliff notes version is this:

We have been together for 2 years and when my lease is up at the end of Dec, we would like to move in with each other.

I sort of getting the feeling he is viewing this as "marriage" and I curious if this is how it really is?

He is talking about same bank accounts etc, buying furniture etc, and stuff together.

We already agreed I would sell most of my stuff (I have a fully furnished 2bed condo) before moving into his place (he just bought a 3br condo).

am I worrying to much here?/... or is this normal? and at what point when you move in together do you decide to start splitting everything, and sharing bank accounts?
 
Yes you're thinking much, but that's necessary. Moving in is a big move, and need preparing, in my opinion. But relax yourself. Since you've been together for 2 years I guess you've already know each other enough. But you should tell him your feeling about this would be "marriage" or not. If you're not ready for anything, just tell him. That's better than hiding your concern from him.
I think sharing bank account is not a good idea... You didn't say what you guy are doing now... what your jobs are....
 
I would say take it one step at a time. There's no reason why you have to merge your finances just because you're living together. I did that with my first boyfriend and it was a total disaster.

Move in first, get to know him better (because even after 2 years there are things you may not know if you haven't been living together.) Pay especially close attention to how well he handles money (and how well you handle money too, actually.)

To me, sharing money would be the last step, not the first one. It's something you should do only if you're both sure you're committed to a long-term relationship -- a marriage, in effect.
 
Sharing costs/expenses for the house is fine work out your costs and split them between the 2 of you. Even have a joint bank account for all household expenses (Gas, Electricity, Rent, Food and any other thing that take you fancy) But is not wise to merge your finances. Keep to the principal of yours, mine and ours.

It will save headaches down the track and still give you some independences
 
My partner and I dated for 2 years too before moving in together. Even though we thought we knew each other as well as two people could, there's a big difference between dating and living together. There were lots of adjustments, but we did fine. You will too.

Each couple has to work out details like expenses, joint accounts, and so on. Even though we own the house we live in together (we are both on the deed, that is), we don't have joint accounts. We just never felt the need for them. We just pay the bills as they come in, and reimburse each other for half. We buy our own food, and reimburse each other half of shared food. It's all pretty informal, but it works for us.

It's good to think about these things, and have some understandings with your partner. But, I wouldn't obsess over it, or anything. Somehow, these things work themselves out and you might find yourselves tweaking your system and arrangement for the first few months to make sure everything works out equitably and in a way that's comfortable for both.

Good luck to you and, congratulations on your pending move. I hope you look back on it as one of the best things you've ever done. I know I did!
 
FabFairy said:
Sharing costs/expenses for the house is fine work out your costs and split them between the 2 of you. Even have a joint bank account for all household expenses (Gas, Electricity, Rent, Food and any other thing that take you fancy) But is not wise to merge your finances. Keep to the principal of yours, mine and ours.

It will save headaches down the track and still give you some independences
Click to expand...
Yes, definitely, treat him as a roommate when it comes to finances. Make sure you have an explicit agreement as to who's paying for what, how, and when, before you move in together. One less thing to fight about.
 
dating each other and moving in together are two different things. Make sure you guys talk it out and have a clear understanding of everything. Communication is key!
 
I just moved in with my BF (whom I've been with for a little over a year). We don't share bank accounts but everything is pretty evenly split. Any major purchases (TV, couch ect) we split. Rent/bills are split evenly, my name is on most of the accounts so he just pays me what he owes each month. We switch weeks buying groceries and dinner (we eat out on the weekends, so one of us will be responsible for lunch/dinner and groceries for a given weekend) and we take turns cooking during the week. Maybe at some point we'll look at merging bank accounts, but not any time soon.
 
Good advice here.. Thank you.

I guess my biggest concern was giving up what I already have. I have my own place (renting) with everything.. and to move in to his place it would mean I would either store most of my stuff, or sell it. Which would suck, god forbin if we ever broke up that I would be left with nothing.

I think that is my biggest concern.

As far as job wise, we both do very well (although, lately.. Who IS doing well with these markets?!!) bah

One day a at time..
 
I am having the moving in talks with my BF, so I know what you are going through. Here are some of the issues that we have discussed and came up with a solution

1. Stuff - we decided that we will intermix furniture so that we both feel comfortable. Some of the leftovers we are going to sell, some will go into storage and some will be donated. Our longterm goal is to convert mine/his to ours. We also think it is going to be fun redecorating.

2. Money - we are going to keep seperate bank accounts but also have a household account. We will take the total operating cost plus 10% for savings and deposit it each month. Since we make different amounts, it will be proportional

3. Housework - The kitchen is mine, since I like to cook, he will take care of laundry and the bathrooms and we both will handle the rest of the stuff

My suggestion is that you guys need to have some hard heart to heart conversations. Lay out the ground rules, talk about the quirky things that you do, and how you will deal with issues. It is a major step but an awesome one. Best of luck to you guys
 
You should get financial and medical directives as well as a will. This will insure that if something happens to him, you aren't on the street because all of the belongings aren't in his name (house, furnishings). Depending on were you are with the parents, if something happens to him, they could lock you out and all the stuff on the premises is "his".

We can't get married, but you can put all the right things in place to protect yourself and not have to deal with this in the middle of a crisis.

My two cents.
 
LushPuppy said:
Hey Everyone...

Just seeking advice here (or just and understanding what you did) when you are your BF or S/O moved in together?

The cliff notes version is this:

We have been together for 2 years and when my lease is up at the end of Dec, we would like to move in with each other.

I sort of getting the feeling he is viewing this as "marriage" and I curious if this is how it really is?

He is talking about same bank accounts etc, buying furniture etc, and stuff together.

We already agreed I would sell most of my stuff (I have a fully furnished 2bed condo) before moving into his place (he just bought a 3br condo).

am I worrying to much here?/... or is this normal? and at what point when you move in together do you decide to start splitting everything, and sharing bank accounts?
Click to expand...

Moving in after a 2 year relationship is fine, it's love and responsibility. While there will be many compromises, if you're not comfortable with sharing things, don't do it (especially the bank account). Both of you have much to bring to the table, not everything has to be one, it can be split.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top