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Moving On

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blah834

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Just came out, had my first out "relationship" and it ended poorly but it was the first time I was open and let my walls down. Now its been hard to move forward.....does time heal all wounds? Will I ever start talking to a new guy and be able to not think about him? I am delayed as I am 28 and had my first feeling of what "love" is or could be so any advice would be awesome!!
 
the answers to your questions are yes and yes.
gay dudes who come out at any age tend to make mistakes in matters of the heart that our straight friends were allowed to make (and learn from) in their early teens. so it can be a little rocky at first.
listen to some sad music, have a good hard cry... then pick yourself up and move on. youll be alright.
 
See I agree with all of that...had some really hard cries...but still he is in the back of my head...Time seems like the answer just sucks being an educated established adult and feeling like a 15 year old when it comes to relationships, I usually have all the answers and this one bothers me the most...haha
 
Despite disappointment and broken hearts, we always move on. I'm reminded of a song that has some of the best lyrics about life I've heard:

From "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
 
Time, by itself, does not heal. Just ask Miss Haversham inGreat Expectations. You have to be willing to move on and willing to go through the motions of day to day living. It becomes less painful as long as you keep moving in healthy directions. Stay stuck or use people, places or things to distract yourself and you'll stay on an emotional roller coaster. Feel the feelings while staying close to friends and family and keep up your interests even when you don't feel like it.

It will get better as long as you give your loss the space it needs without letting it take over your life. Best wishes.
 
I think taking the time to understand and accept what happened is the key to moving on and putting it behind you. If you ever find yourself feeling like a victim...you haven't really understood it yet. The reason behind that...if you feel as though you are/were a victim of any kind...you will be giving the other guy too much power over you and that makes it very hard to move on.

Good Luck!
 
blah834 said:
Just came out, had my first out "relationship" and it ended poorly but it was the first time I was open and let my walls down. Now its been hard to move forward.....does time heal all wounds? Will I ever start talking to a new guy and be able to not think about him? I am delayed as I am 28 and had my first feeling of what "love" is or could be so any advice would be awesome!!
Click to expand...

Ultimately, it's up to you.

You can treat it like learning to ride a bike. You can focus on how fun it is to ride and accept that skinned knees and being thrown over the handlebars is part of learning to ride a bike.

Or you can decide that the skinned knees and busted lips aren't worth it for the short periods fun while riding.
 
KaraBulut said:
Ultimately, it's up to you.

You can treat it like learning to ride a bike. You can focus on how fun it is to ride and accept that skinned knees and being thrown over the handlebars is part of learning to ride a bike.

Or you can decide that the skinned knees and busted lips aren't worth it for the short periods fun while riding.
Click to expand...


wow this!!! Good way to put it. I have been dating again so its not like im completely shutting down but its hard to not compare to him etc. I am learning!!
 
hylas said:
the answers to your questions are yes and yes.
gay dudes who come out at any age tend to make mistakes in matters of the heart that our straight friends were allowed to make (and learn from) in their early teens. so it can be a little rocky at first.
listen to some sad music, have a good hard cry... then pick yourself up and move on. youll be alright.
Click to expand...

never thought of it like that. Nice words of wisdom.
 
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